WARNING: Emotional. Seriously.

This is more of a continuation of the previous song post, but I didn't want to edit it, nor did I want it to be put into the comment section.

I think the reason why I get so emotional over Up and the music/song that accompanies that portion of the film, is because of the images shown and all that's happening presently in my life.

It's about to get real personal very quickly, so you don't have to read this.

My grandparents, affectionately named Mom & Pap Pap, are like my 2nd parents; whenever my mom or dad couldn't be there for me, they were always around. Some of my fondest memories involve them in some way, shape, or form, because when I wasn't at school, I was most likely to be found at their house. Pap-Pap helped me learn the distinct difference between "couch" and "coach" and why I couldn't confuse the two together; Mom helped me learn how to spell government and environment and how there's silent n's & she also gave me my first cooking lesson. So it goes beyond saying that they are extremely important to me.

Well, as it stands, Mom isn't doing too well. I know she's sick with something, but when it comes right down to it, I'm in the dark. When I ask, it gets hushed up and swept under the family rug, because it's just something we don't talk about. The last thing I heard was that she had tumors/cancer on her lungs, and I think she could an operation to remove most of the cancer/tumor/whatever it was. Now whenever I visit, I almost always start tearing up, because I can see the decline that her happy optimistic attitude can't make up for. She was laying on the couch the last time I saw her, because her back was hurting and she was taking copious amounts of medicine for who knows what. She has glaucoma in one eye, which I know she tried getting corrected, but I guess it wasn't treatable.

So seeing Up is like watching Mom & Pap Pap for me. Their personalities are mirrored exactly the same. Pap Pap is the reserved one who comes across as a grumpy old man and Mom has always been the cheerful, overly friendly one who loves taking pictures. I think it's for this reason why Up means so much to me and why I feel so much towards a movie that explains emotions I'm not 100% certain on myself.

I always told myself that I want a love like how Mom & Pap Pap love one another, that despite Pap Pap having two bad knees, he will do the chores around the house, while Mom rests, without ever expecting something in return.

It's hard sometimes, because I'm e-mail pen pals with Mom and sometimes I can't e-mail back as promptly or often as I should. I constantly worry about whether or not it might be the last e-mail I get and I never got back to her. I know she wouldn't want me to be worrying about that, but it's still my worry nonetheless.

I know life shouldn't be lived in the fear of when death takes us away, but I still always get a twinge of sadness when I think about what I would do if it really were to happen. I mean, even now, my emotions are getting the better of me, but it's better to write it out then to harbor the worry and sad feelings myself.

SONG #16 = A SONG THAT HAS MADE YOU CRY.

When I first saw this movie, I was so excited and had NO idea how deep and emotional this movie really was. I just saw Disney/Pixar and assumed happy-go-lucky. I was terribly wrong.

This song played within the first 10 minutes of the movie and I was crying my eyes out. Once you get me crying, it's like a never-ending waterworks show, so every single sentimental thing thereafter brought tears to my eyes. This is such an emotional movie for me that even when there were funny parts, it was like I had a pain in my heart for the characters.

I still cry no matter how many times I've seen this movie, which is quite a few times, but this music just tears my heartstrings into tiny pieces. The Totoro theme song always cheers me up after hearing this, so this is like my Kryptonite.

Ergo, if I ever hear any of my immediate friends randomly playing this song, I may either attack them or start crying like a baby. Neither option is better than the other, so play your music wisely :D

I'm sorry, but I had to post the music with the actual scene it correlated with. I'm a glutton for punishment.

I can't wait until I have the Carl to my Ellie. I think I would give up almost anything to have someone that I love, love me as much as he did her, that even after death, he always thought of her, even if that may not be an entirely healthy way to grieve. It's really powerful to see ANY couple withstand so much hardship and still love/dote on each other <3 To me, that's the most beautiful thing about this movie: the aspect of love and dreams.

SONG #15 = A SONG YOU LOVE SINGING ALONG TO.

This is incredibly difficult, because I've been saving one song in particular and I'm not sure to use it here, or if I should use it for my favorite song, because it counts as both :C It also counts as a song I could listen to all day. SO DIFFICULT.

I've decided to save the original song and post another :D

I love singing this song & when I do, I sing both parts in extremely obnoxious and true to life voices! When Ricky used to come over to my dorm, we would sing this song in my dorm, but now I just sing it solo, so I'm surprised ANY of my roommates would even consider living with me again next year. Especially since they wouldn't appreciate where this song came from, but maybe my voices are so fantastic that it's well worth it :D

I have never seen this musical, but after listening to this song, as well as "It Sucks To Be Me," another song I love singing to, I have vowed to watch this musical in its entirety at some point in my life.

Plus, the amount of videos of TV shows and animes that I love to this song are so plentiful, that I could listen to this song multiple times and always enjoy it, even if I can't sing to it. Like I didn't right now, because Roommates are sleeping.. but I really had to refrain myself :P

SONG #14 = A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF YOUR BOYFRIEND.

Well, this song works for a plethora of reasons <3

I am pretty violent at least jokingly; when I'm in love, I become like a completely different person and I want to spend all my time with them, because of how they make me feel; I often can't describe my feelings eloquently, so I act out passionately with my feelings, which to normal people makes it appear that I'm "overreacting"; the words I say are not always beautiful and flowery, but I mean well; I'm also quite the stereotypical female romantic in the fact that I fall in love very easily & when I fall, I fall hard.

It also helps that I really like singing along with this song and whenever I get those little butterflies, this song races through my head. I really love this song and listening to it always makes me think of one person in particular, so my smile stays affixed on my face in its usual goofy fashion :D

SONG #13 = A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF A FORMER FRIEND.

By The Dresden Dolls ^^

I think the word former has negative connotations, so I'm going to treat this as a fizzled out friendship that could pick up again if both parties committed to picking it back up. I'm not going to name drop, but we used to go to Coconut Point together all the time and one time on the way over she played this song. I loved it and since hearing it, I've downloaded it and listened to it to the point of insanity.

But seriously, who wouldn't want a coin operated boy? This song makes a very good argument. I'm curious to know how other people feel about the song :D

By the way, I was dead-set on putting the music video up, but for some reason I wasn't able to obtain the code for it, which makes me sad. I hope you guys don't just stare at the blinding green font of the lyrics.. why anyone would use lime green as a color is beyond me!

Dear, Lord.

I go along with a lot of things my roommates say because I know there's no point. It's like talking to a brick wall.. or something even less cognizant. I'm not saying Roommates lack a brain, but they often go with what they think and not what other people say, whether it's fact or not.

But now, Roommate wants to put tomato sauce down our shower drain in order to unclog it. I'm no plumber, but I've never heard of this being a fix to a drain issue. This sounds like such an IDIOTIC solution that if it actually works, I'd be surprised and apologized for ever questioning her logic.

I don't even know what to say. I'm BEYOND fixing the shower, because I'm not going to pay for it when I move out. It's really not even that big of a deal - there's only a month left & they don't check the shower to make sure it works. Let someone else worry about it; don't pour tomato sauce down it like it's some pizza maker.

#facepalm

*edit*

Nothing makes me more happy than goofing around even when it's in front of my parents. Seriously, I get a big dorky smile on my face when I do so. I officially want to go to college up in Orlando just to make sure I always get these feelings <3

SONG #12 = LAST SONG YOU HEARD.

After a nice drive back to my dorm from my house, this was like the perfect cool down song <3 I sing all of the songs, but with this one, I actually make an X while singing the lyrics for an obvious reason.

This is the shortest song blog ever..

SONG #11 = A SONG ON THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE.

Favorite movie... favorite movie...

Well it wasn't too hard after searching around YouTube enough. I picked this because I accidentally ran into the song that makes me cry (song #16) and this SUPER EFFECTIVELY cheered me up =]

This has been my favorite movie since childhood, 1993 specifically. I'm not sure what made my parents buy this VHS to begin with, but I'm so glad they did. This movie opened up so many doors for me and has made me who I am today! Strong words, I know, but it's painstakingly true. Even hearing the music fills me with the same whimsical childlike feeling that I experience every time I watch this movie. I can assure you when I do finally meet Totoro I will hug him SO MUCH!! :D

But seriously, look at Hisaishi's face when the song is over. That's the smile this movie always gives me. If you've never seen this movie, I highly suggest you do =]

Credit to Ashley :D

I'm sorry, Ashley, I had to steal this clip from you and share my experience with this show.

I have only seen one episode of this show, as well as this clip now, and the one time I saw it, I could not for the life of me contain myself. I laughed to the point of crying for the entire 30 minutes of the show. During the commercials, I would calm down, but once the show started back up, it all started again. There was something about this show that drove me to the point of near insanity and I wasn't on any illegal substances either. It was purely the show.

Ever since then, I haven't watched it entirely, because I disturbed the people that were around me to the point where they had to ask if I was okay. This clip was legit adorable though and now the song is forever stuck in my head #earworm

SONG #10 = A SONG FROM YOUR FAVORITE BAND.

This really isn't fair, considering P!ATD just released a new CD and I'm in love with so many of their new songs. It also doesn't help that I'm so wishy-washy when it comes to picking a favorite anything.

Okay, I can't decide. So I'm picking one from their new CD and I'm so entirely obsessed with this song right now. I wanna quote the hell out of it whenever I get onto Facebook. It takes all of my power just to refrain from doing so :P

Just everything about it, it's the last song on their CD & the first song was "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" hence why Mona Lisa randomly gets allusioned to at the end of it. It's just amazing. The whole CD, all of it. I want to post ALL OF THE SONGS! :D <3

:D

I love my friends extremely dearly. I don't think I can possibly say this enough. There are so many people in my life that just make me feel amazing and they don't even have to do anything. I feel amazing by being near them and I wish I could gather all of these people together in a giant room and have a massive party. It isn't an exaggeration when I say that I love ALL of my friends in some way, shape, or form; I'm friends with the best people around and I'm so happy I know them all and have gotten to meet them all through random occurrences.

Travis & I drove together to Verot to visit Ms. Day and the actors/techies. We saw Andrew shortly after having Mrs. Elliot lock eyes with me and thoroughly striking fear in me by doing so. Then we saw EVERYONE & I missed Ms. Day so fucking much. I haven't seen her in at least 4 months and that's a major problem. While Travis and I were sitting on a singing rehearsal, we started talking about how we even started talking to each other and when. I didn't truly meet him until junior year! How crazy is that?! We had Acting 1 together AND Spoon River practices together and I guess somewhere in between all that we became biffs :P

I then went to see Austin perform in Mr. Red Knight, which is yet another example why public school trumps Verot. It's this talent show where guys perform the various tasks that Miss America has to perform - there's a swimsuit, formalwear, casualwear, interview, talent portion. It was so much fun & I sat DEAD CENTER front row to support him! It was Jacob, Sterling, Brett & I all rooting for Austin. He was going up against these 3 other guys, who all seemed nice, but I wanted Austin to win, because he's a superstar :P

He ended up winning 2 awards, for casualwear/interview and best dance performance, and probably got 2nd overall, considering he had the 2nd highest amount of awards. He was totally robbed though, but that might just be my bias.

Afterwards, we all went to DQ to eat food, since silly Austin starved all day to maintain his boyish figure :P And then I found out that I'm the 2nd part of his name, which makes me happier than it probably should, but I like knowing these things!! Like there's Bonnie & Clyde or Spongebob & Patrick, but it's Jessica & Austin instead :D Yeah, that was probably a highlight of my night.. that's either really depressing or I'm just an excitable dork <3

His friends were saying I should go to their prom, but it'd be too much of a hassle to do so, since their prom is literally next weekend. But I'm definitely going with them to Busch Gardens, whenever they plan on doing that in May :D

I'm so excited <3

SONG # 9 = A SONG THAT MAKES YOU HOPEFUL.

God, I love this song. I love everything about it and much like with every single song I've posted, there's always a story behind it.

I had my iTunes set up on the family computer, since I didn't get my own until college, so my dad was always fiddling around with Limewire and downloading music onto it that I wouldn't normally listen to. Among his selection of Queen, Stray Cats, Guns N' Roses and Gwen Stefani was this 80s band called Tesla. He downloaded a handful of their songs, but this one song in particular was dedicated to me, as he put it.

Me, being a silly 16 year old teenager, shook it off saying, "yeah, whatever, Dad. I'll listen to it," when I really had no intention of giving it a shot. You know how those moments go. So he kept pestering me about it, I kept putting it off, then he sat me down and we listened to it.

He told me to really listen to what the song was saying and at the end of the song told me that no matter what happens to me later in life that love will always be there for me, because I'd always have him and mom if I ever couldn't handle something. I wasn't able to appreciate the lesson for what it really was, but looking back on it, I'm so glad that my dad shared this song with me.

Listening to the song and thinking back on that always gets me teary eyed, but I'll never lose that glimmer of hope that love lives on no matter what pain you experience <3

Repeat? Not really. Random? Entirely.

That moment where you do something that's potentially going to get you into trouble later on? That moment where your rational side flies out the window, because you have a lapse of judgement? That moment where you don't know if what you just did was actually a good decision or not, but you definitely know that it's a pinnacle moment for you?

Yup.

It's most likely a bad decision when someone I haven't talked to in ~3 years says, "sounds good bitchh". BUT I'm a big girl and can handle myself.. LIKE A DRAGONBORN!

I seem to be experiencing a lot more. Maybe it's because I have more time devoted to the internet, like I used to, way back when during Verot. Maybe it's because I'm trying to be more open-minded.

I've always been jealous of my brother, because he has this group of friends that is SO amazing. He's had the same best friend since middle school and his group of friends is so tight knit. They always have the greatest times together, because they all have the "to hell with it" attitude and they just DO what they want.

Even if I make mistakes along the way by associating with people who may or may not be good for me, I still need that growth. I don't want to live my life regretting things, because I've done that enough already.

Here's to a future brimming with all sorts of possibilities for the taking =] And to kick off my weekend tomorrow, I shall be tromping in swamps (with my nonexistent water clothes), signing up for a marathon class, visiting the Theater Witch, and watching one of my best friends show me his teeth :P

SONG #8 = A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF YOUR "FIRST LOVE".

#sigh.

When I was younger, even back in pre-k when I was 5, I was QUITE attracted to boys. Even at that age, I was swooning over how boys acted around me, which has fed the never-ending cycle where I have difficulty differentiating between being nice and actual feelings. Because the lines are always blurred, I just assume I am as attractive as a pile of manure. Way too many times did I get overly worked up about a guy, just to find out that I was only a friend or "one of the guys". I wasn't the pretty princess growing up, but rather the tomboy who wore mismatched clothes because I didn't give a shit.

So, I've liked a lot of guys, but I guess there was one in particular who could fit the bill of a "first love". I liked this guy from kindergarten until 5th grade and I probably would have still liked him from that grade on, but he moved without telling anyone during the summer before 6th grade. He was like my best friend and we'd invite each other to our birthday parties and we'd talk on the phone with each other even when we were in kindergarten. My mom always reminds me of how during a conversation I was having with him, I put the phone down (it was corded back then. How retro!) and asked my mom if it was okay to marry him, she laughed and said yes.

I got a marriage proposal, but then when he moves, he doesn't even tell me. Needless to say, I was upset. Years later though, he found me on Myspace and then through IMing him, I found out that he didn't even like me. He liked someone else during that WHOLE span of years, which even though I was much older when I found this out, it was still devastating to know I wasted that part of my life pining for someone who I thought also liked me.

But, back to the blog at hand, this was how I felt about this kid.

I still have this naive image of love, even when I've been proven the opposite each and every time. Sometimes I think something is wrong with my brain or my heart to make me act so idiotic..

Contemplation

You know that moment where you realize how little you actually know? It's not necessarily that you thought you knew everything, but you just never found out how wrong you were. I just had one of those moments; well, I'd say I'm constantly having them.

It's amazing how everyone is moving in all sorts of directions and how we can live our lives unaware of our neighbor's road-map. We never know where a person has been or where they are going, unless we ask. Every single person has some nuance about them that makes them "them", but so often we live our lives just focused on "us". It's crazy to think that among everyone on this Earth that we all have our own individual stories and tales that end up making us unique.

I think that's something I really like about people as a whole; by definition, there should never be a dull moment in friendships or dating or what have you. You are constantly discovering little facets about everyone you meet, maybe things you never expect or things that make sense, but you'd never even considered.

Knowing that I don't know as much as I thought I did just makes me want to ask questions even more so. However, this is a double edged sword. What if my curiosity pushes people away? What if my attempt at becoming closer just gets me more detached in the end?

Ah well, I'll get my answers all in due time. It'd be helpful if I could even answer the questions myself, right? :P

SONG #7 = A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF THE PAST SUMMER.

Well, it's not necessarily my past summer, but still. This is, for me, the very heart of summer. Just hearing it makes me want to go to a pool and swim/laze around; it doesn't help that the weather has been gorgeous enough to make me want to do so, regardless of music playing.

Here comes the most embarrassing part of this post, so if we could refrain from judgment that'd be nice. This song reminds me of the Mary-Kate & Ashley movie called "Holiday in the Sun," which I was obsessed with. Quite frankly, I was obsessed with all of their movies and books and I still have some of them in my room. This song played in the movie, which took place in the Bahamas, which is probably as close as I will ever get to seeing/meeting them.

And this is why when people come to my house, I do not invite them into my room. Not because I'm inhospitable, but because I have embarrassing things strewn about my room that when found, I cannot explain why they are STILL there. I just like holding onto things, I guess.

SONG #6 = A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF A BEST FRIEND.

Now the story with this is kind of odd, which then again, most of my friendships are, so it makes sense.

If only I could remember the year this happened, but it was one year at summer camp - I was 14, because it was the year after I "dated" Cowboy, so I guess the year was 2005. Regardless, we had just been utterly defeated at the flag football tournament and I just had an extremely awkward moment with Cowboy, in which he shook my hand to show good sportsmanship? I don't know. It was weird and I didn't enjoy seeing him, so I was grouchy, kind of like how I am at this moment.

But then while I'm walking to the restrooms/water fountain, someone popped up next to me, singing this song from beginning to end. I thought it was so random and bizarre, but I couldn't help but laugh. I hadn't really talked to this guy before, and here he is singing, "I Will Survive". You try being in a bad mood when that happens!

So I'm walking, he's singing and dancing around me while doing so, and once I got to the water fountain, which was surrounded by other teens from different camps and camp counselors, he was STILL singing and dancing. Not once was he embarrassed to be singing it and not once did he lower his volume, so I started to sing along with him when I actually knew the lines confidently.

It was the start of a beautiful friendship and he's still one of the greatest guys I've ever met. He's always doing this sort of stuff to make me smile & I don't think I can ever repay him for the many times he's cheered me up. I bet he doesn't even remember this happening <3

Congratu-fucking-lations

Song Post is Below =]

#LeSigh

I contemplated leaving all of that lower-cased, but then I figured smartass Watson would say something about lesbians :P

But yeah, I'm getting a case of the Lazy and it's a pain. I've been at my dorm since 7:30 and an hour later, I have accomplished nothing, except for blogging my song of the day and browsing the interwebz, when I know I have other things that I need to be doing, like Hamlet, Othello and Tempest. I wish I could just get me and them in a room and get this over with: Hamlet would be too much of a wuss to do anything; Othello would kill me for being in the same room as Hamlet; and who the hell is in The Tempest anyway?

I got off track.

So in the next upcoming weeks, besides papers, BS quizzes and tests, I have many positive events to look forward to:

Lady Gaga concert/roadtrip, Busch Gardens trip with friends, Mr. Red Knight, Lady Gaga HBO movie night, Kung Fu Panda 2, Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (Dear God, Depp, your wig SUCKS in this movie. I seem to be the only one who notices that it's a different wig and this it's disgusting as hell. It's attractive when it was black/brown, but now it's brown/blonde. Do not want. Capt. Jack Sparrow may have a sexy attitude, but your hair will piss me off.)

Yes, that's a lot of positives and yes, I'm much like Hamlet in the fact that the positives don't make me happy when the slightest of negatives pops up. To correct this, I am challenging myself to divert my attentions elsewhere. For every negative thought I have regarding one thing in particular, I will either exercise the thoughts away (running most likely since I'll be taking that as a class in the fall. Yeah..) OR I will go out of my comfort zone to do things I wouldn't normally do.

This blog initially started out with me wanting to talk to someone about an issue that I'm having, but I think I'll take care of it this way myself. If it doesn't work, then I may need to seek friendly counsel.

GHB, I've never looked at you as fondly as I do now and I may be clinging to you in order to be happy. #priorities

SONG #5 = A SONG THAT IS OFTEN STUCK IN YOUR HEAD.

Well, I'm not sure that this song has forever been stuck in my head, but ever since I've heard it (about a week and a half), it has been a constant ear worm for me. The rhythm of my walking pace makes me think of this song and it drives me crazy. The video replays in my mind and I'm practically drowning in the failure of it all. At the same time though, the mere thought of the video will make me smile. Perhaps I'm finally going crazy, but now the song is associated with happiness, because it's difficult for me to listen to this song when I'm unhappy.

The sheer and utter horror that accompanies it negates any and all feelings of negativity. If only it wasn't so damn catchy, then everything would be okay. What sucks worse than just having the song stuck in my head is the fact that it doesn't only apply to Fridays - it's every day. Every. single. day.

I'm not coherent, because of this song. Btw, I've never seen a single Youtube video with more dislikes than this one.

All of you better listen to it too. I didn't post this for my own enjoyment. #deathglare

SONG #4 = A SONG THAT CALMS YOU DOWN.

[I was *this* close to putting a different song, but it applies better to a different category. I'm sure other people have these issues, as well, when it comes to this music challenge, or that's what I'll keep telling myself.]

Anyway, I picked this song because it has all the elements that truly calm me down - a beautiful piano playing in the background, soft singing, focus on the instrumentals, and gorgeous lyrics. I like the fact that the lyrics don't overpower the song, but rather complement them. It's really difficult for me to be angry when this song is playing and it's probably one of the most "hipster" songs I enjoy :P

Obviously my favorite lines are the last two in the song, and I realize it's a 7 minute long song, but I strongly suggest you listen to the whole thing without skipping the instrumental sections <3

SONG #3 = A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF ONE OR BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS

Oh boy, where to begin? Apparently my father courted my mom to this song, which pissed her off, because normally being called any variation of fat isn't a compliment. Needless to say, they didn't get together right away, due to other reasons besides the fact he would sing this to her, but clearly it all worked out! Sometimes my dad will still sing it to her, but she gets just as pissed off as she used to, but this song is rather fitting for how my dad is as a person; this song is a double whammy :P

Complete Unadulterated Joy

You know that feeling you get deep inside you where you're extremely happy for someone even though you aren't the reason for their happiness? Where even though you have no involvement whatsoever, you still feel accomplished?

It's such a complicated feeling to describe, but I was creeping on the interwebz and stumbled upon something that gave me those feelings and admittedly, I teared up a bit. I stopped before the waterworks actually broke, but it's such an amazing feeling and knowing that other people are experiencing such positive emotions makes me feel like it's possible for everyone to find something or someone to be passionate about. Some people can even find that passion in both facets and it's incredibly sweet to be able to see. I want to so badly just start squealing with delight, but I'd definitely be overstepping my boundaries =P

If you have a hunch as to what I'm talking about, most likely you're right. This chick knows her way around the internet :D

SONG #2 = A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF YOUR MOST RECENT EX.

This was fucking difficult. Truthfully there are a lot of songs that apply, because we listened to music together a lot. So I decided to go for this song, which just reminds me of when we met.

I had been introduced to him previously at a homecoming game, but he had went to a different school, so thus I didn't think I'd ever see him again. Lo and behold, a few weeks later, he transferred to Verot and was in my Acting 1 class. His first day of class was when we were going on a field trip, in which, Melanie & I were SCREAMING this song obnoxiously because we were going to see Romeo & Juliet at the Florida Rep.

Well, when I sing songs, I get really into it and move my hands, which is completely normal. He happened to walk passed me though while I was singing the chorus and he had this confused look on his face. It was completely understandable though; I'd be freaked out if someone pointed at me and said, "I think you're fine!! you really blow my mind! ... I just want you to know I wanna be your Romeo!!" Considering we had just met for the second time and I'm already serenading him and saying he's the Juliet to my Romeo, I've clearly always been a socially awkward penguin.

SONG #1 = A SONG FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD



There were honestly so many songs I could have picked for this category that I really had to sit down to think about it. I was always singing when I was younger, even if I couldn't hit a single note correctly. It was just something I always enjoyed and I still do now, but this song in particular has the most memories that I can actually remember attached to it.

My dad used to sing this song EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. it ever came on the radio when I was little, which was quite often. Every single time he would get to, "A little bit of Jessica, here I am!" I would scowl. I didn't like the fact my name was in a song, because I thought my name was unique and I especially did not like that he would always yell that line no matter where he was. Yes, I was easily embarrassed as a small child and he would make a giant scene for the Jessica line, just to spite me. I'm sure it also had to deal with my scrunchy face as well. One day I'll have to post my angry faced picture from when I was 6 or 7 :P

What Can I Say? I'm a Follower :P

I will also be partaking in this 25 days of songs challenge! Looking at the range of song titles, it's going to be INCREDIBLY difficult to not repeat the same ones, because truthfully, my musical taste is not that vast and I have a lot of songs that overlap. Like I have one song that encompasses both favorite, summer song, sing a long, dance song, etc. I'll try my best to actually follow the rules for once though and show my music taste :P

NEVERMIND. YOUTUBE IS ACTING VERY DUMB RIGHT NOW AND WON'T PLAY ANY VIDEO :C

I shall try again later :C

Super Random!!

Roommate's boyfriend thought St. Patrick's Day was yesterday...

In other news, the dorm is messyy and my room is as well. I would love to clean it up but it's like trash apparates out of thin air, much like the spiders that infest my bathroom. By the way, I've killed two and I got back Sunday night, just throwing that out there!

Considering I probably won't have housing next year, who wants to find an apartment with me to live together? I can sleep through any loud noises and won't mind rooming with someone of the opposite gender, as long as they are semi-tidy and won't suggest threesomes or any derivative of that. These are really the only ground rules with which this contract will stand.

I'm hungry, but don't know if I want to make food with the limited resources the dorm has, or if I want to add to my trash pile by getting take-out. The decisions of a college kid are not the easy kind, as you can see.

Speaking of, if there is anyone that would jump at the opportunity to do things they aren't interested in, let me know. I'll let you have my place in this Program, which is about as exciting as a golf tournament. Maybe I'm being unfair since I haven't attended an event yet, but still. There has to be something pretty damn exciting going on with the Program to convince me to leave my dorm just to go back to campus for a presentation that I go to of my own free will. Thus far, there hasn't been. Yes, I would like the opportunity to learn more, but none of what is being provided makes me WANT to learn, and isn't that the point of the program?? To inspire people to want to learn? Different story for a different day, I guess.

In other news, I'm looking at MAYBE living outside of campus, but I haven't consulted my parents on that. We just bought new bedding though and the area I'm looking at has full size beds, rather than twin XL, which obviously negates the purchase. Yes, the bed set itself was not expensive - $70 at most, especially considering I bought it at Walmart. This is especially where I am leaning location wise since my roommates are moving somewhere else off campus and I figured a change of pace might be better.

• Downsides: at the location, the living room/dining area is incredibly big, meaning parties. I'm not interested in getting arrested or living somewhere where parties would be held daily or even weekly. Not my cup of tea, ergo, I'd want to avoid that.
• However, the location's rent would be cheaper than what I'm currently paying and I'd have my own bathroom so I wouldn't have to worry about other contaminants besides those I bring myself! :D And laundry machines are located in the dorm itself, so it's like the best of both worlds with an even bigger bed so I won't hit my knees up against the wall when I toss and turn!

And thus ends a very random blog indeed. I think Roommate's boyfriend was smacking Roommate on her ass while they were in the living room with her little brother. AWKWARD.

Be Still My Beating Heart

Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simple interlocking of fingers. Your hands are one of the most essential parts of your body: you build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them, fight with them; they are the tools of the human body. To take a hold of another’s hand is to break from living individually. It is to link yourself to another being, to momentarily entwine your life with another’s, to promise, for a moment, that you need not face the world alone. More simple, more aesthetically naive than other forms of affection, the act of holding hands is often trivialized in its true implications. As the Beatles once said "I wanna hold your hand."

^^ that song makes me swoon like no other - it's my favorite song of theirs and I don't know very many, but I really think it's amazing <3

I mean it ♥

You know how the world is made up of very distinct individuals? Some people, you wonder what their life would have been like if everything hadn't been handed to them. Some people cry or rebel when change happens. Some people are so blind that they can't realize what they have until they lose it. Some people lose trust in others from one mistake & some people won't even offer second chances.

But there are people out there who not only welcome adversity, but smile at it as well; people who appreciate all of the little things, like sunshine and air; people who live life with open eyes and trusting hearts despite being shown that life is hard. People who have standards and morals and actually stick by them when the situation arises.

It's these individuals that inspire me to want to become better overall. I'm really blessed to know a few people that fit that second category and if not for the creep factor, I would drop their names on this blog, because they deserve recognition for all that they do. They might not even know that they brighten up my day and it's often not even directed at me. They exude such optimism and positivity that it's contagious; I wish more people could live like this.

Too often have I come across Negative Nancys, where the sky was always falling and any positive in life was always washed out by the depressing. You only ever hear about the destruction in the world, but nobody stops what they are doing to do anything about it.

But those people, they would give you a hand, even if you might not deserve it. They would listen with undivided attention and not expect anything in return. These people are incredibly beautiful and I'm not just talking about physical appearance; they give me hope in a world that's in desperate need for something to believe in. I'm so glad to have met these people who live life passionately and to the fullest <3

Awkward = trying to find these pictures while Roommate's family walks past my door at random

Posting again.

I'm at a loss of words. It took me about 5 minutes just to think of what I wanted to say to these two people, who while I don't know them all that well, just broke up. Their break-up is mind-blowing to me. I'm friends with the girl and the guy and I wanted to just make a giant status tagging the both of them in it, but I really don't have a say in whether they keep dating or not.

I met them when they were dating, and yeah, they clearly had their off days, some of which I was privy to seeing. When they were happy though, it seemed like everyone could be happy. They were so undeniably cute together that, even though I wasn't dating anyone and even though I had recently experienced a break-up, seeing them together didn't send me into a rage, like most couples would.

Maybe I'm weird for putting stock into other people's relationships, in order to prove that love can actually exist in a pure form, but it just baffles me. It's like you never really know what goes on behind the curtains of "public eyes" versus what may have happened when it was just them. They are going to remain friends and I'm not sure how well that's going to work out. I really do wish the best for both of them; I hope if there's any sour feelings or any unhappiness that it gets solved quick. This was one relationship where I couldn't find a fault in either of them, but who knows, that might be because I just met them in January.

My Life as Jess

Yesterday I had one of those choice moments where you bump into someone unexpectedly. It wasn't just anyone, though.

Yes. I ran into Usher while on the FGCU campus.

Well, not really. But I did run into a black guy who looked exactly like Usher - he even made the reference too and I had to agree.

Unfortunately, as most of my random conversations go with acquaintances, it turned awkward VERY quickly.

Let's re-wind and start from the beginning: I was on campus working on my Colloquium journal and I was also interested in finding out what bands were playing at Nest Fest. Not like I'd go to it, but I was curious nonetheless and had nothing better to do. I went into the library to check my grades, which are never updated, but I'm obsessed with finding out how I'm doing. As I was leaving and going to my class an hour early, like a nerd champ!, this meeting happened. I was digging through my purse, as I often do when I walk, because I get tired of swinging my arms, this kid points at me and says, "HEYYY YOU!" Clearly my face looked confused, so he took the Usher sunglasses off and I recognized him to be Blain.

Blain, the kid that I've ALREADY had enough awkward moments with to last me a lifetime. The kid that originally told me about the VGC and gave me his phone number, so when I would text him about it, he would forget about our conversation. Yeah. Him.

So when I realized he was someone I knew, I said hey and then he initiated a hug. Surprise hugs throw me off so much and then add to the fact I'm not THAT close to this guy and he wants to hug? Either way, I was thrown off, so when we hugged, I hit my chin against his shoulder. Awkward instance #1.

Then I mentioned how I barely recognized him since he was wearing a beanie, sunglasses, and legit clothes, rather than cartoon character t-shirts. He says, "Well, my friend said that I look like Usher when I wear stuff like this. So, I just said, 'fuck it, I'll wear it anyway!'" This led to 2 minutes of laughter. I didn't know how to end the conversation which was dying the moment it began, so I said this nugget of brilliance: "haha famous." I shit you not. I said that. Thank God, it was more of an aside to myself, rather than loud enough to be considered a continuation of topic. Awkward instance #2.

Then while this bout of laughter is going on, one of his friends walks up and looks at me like I'm some sort of alien, which causes me to stand there awkwardly, not knowing if I walk away or if I stand there idly while they talk. I opted to stand there. After their conversation, we talked about what was due in Colloquium and parted ways in a relatively normal fashion.

And that's how I bumped into Usher and why I'm a socially awkward penguin.

Hayao! :D

Hopefully the new blog layout doesn't make it too terribly difficult to read! Just felt like I needed a change and it still kind of fits with the whole sky image that I like/want.

I'm really, really tempted to go through my old blogs and delete the ones that are ENTIRELY too anger driven and shouldn't even exist on a means where people I know come into contact with them. When I get really emotional and hurt, I like to let everyone know about it, first and foremost, but then I also release all of that energy into unproductive ways.

Did I really gain anything by bashing someone online? No. True, I felt better afterwards, but its one of those things that doesn't really need to be said on a public place to be forever documented with my name and face on it.

Only reason I don't want to delete them is because they serve as an example of where I could use change and I accept that. I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm nowhere near perfect. I handle my anger through watching my parents: I harbor it, hold onto it, and then release it like no other hell fury. Yes, that's a part of who I am, but there's room there for some positive growth.

I have the hardest time being able to talk out my problems in a normal fashion. I get too passionate and don't know how to release it. It's one of my many child-like qualities, because I either take something way too personally or I'm so disgustingly indifferent to it that it looks like I'm incapable of emotion or that I'm ignoring what's going on around me. I can't seem to find a healthy medium.

Harboring those emotions within me isn't good; I'd end up belittling myself or just remaining stubborn in my negative thoughts. Writing them out isn't good; I can't write something and then not post it, so the whole write a letter and then burn it, wouldn't work for me. The thoughts behind the letter would still be on my mind. Yes, talking it out works, but when do I just stop emotion dumping on my parents? I don't like saying what's on my mind as it is and I don't have someone I can be 100% me around. I haven't found someone who can fulfill what I need and I'm okay with that. I managed to live 19 years of my life flying relatively solo, so I can mange some more :)

With classes going on, I really don't have time to focus on much else. Time goes by quickly and I'm just going to make the best of it. This year has been really awesome and I hope it continues to be that way! If I experience personal growth along the way, then I can finally say that my blog's purpose has been fulfilled =]