Puppy Time!!

So my puppy is totally looking at me and saying, "Why are you over there when I am so cute and lonely over here?!" Thus, this will be the last blog of 2010 and practically one of my last blogs ever, seeing as how my 365 days of blogging will be slowly coming to an end around the end of January.

While the content of my blogs have sometimes been lacking and generally not up to snuff with some of my better posts, I can't help but say that blogging, even about the most benign things, such as getting a scratched up disc of Glee or the many, many blogs of me being emotional and ranting, has caused some growth. I'm sorry that sentence ended shitty, but it was getting too long and my brain couldn't handle it anymore.

My whole goal for this blog, besides the fact I wanted to see if I could blog something for 365 days, was to chronicle my life and possibly use it as a learning experience.

New chapters and events are always happening in our lives, and just because you might not start directly on January 1st or maybe you don't make a change until the month of December, there will always be room for personal growth. Despite this year being rocky at times and awesome at others, I have changed for better or for worse. Not quite sure which one, but all I know is that I have high expectations for 2011. It can only get better from here! =]

DIGRESSION: I tried playing Mass Effect - I created my own character and everything. She partially looked like me, but that's another story. I got a lot further than my dad did in the game and flailed as far as controls go. The disarming of the bombs part? Yeah, at one point I literally flung my body towards the geth shooting me, because during stressful situations, I tend to forget what the buttons/joy sticks do. The poor pup, Tito, had to listen to me scream during that section as well as screaming when the husks were chasing me. Thank God my team mates manage to cover my sorry ass, because I'd be dead within minutes.

Unbeknownst to me, by starting this file, I completely erased my father's game. Thankfully due to my high IQ and irrational paranoia to make sure everything is the way I've left it, I checked to verify that his game was there. I reeled as I discovered that not only was his game terminated, but that I'd also have to play through the levels to reach where he left off. Surprisingly though, during that 2nd play through as the newly created Dave Shepherd, I wasn't comprised of too much suckage. This might be due to the fact the character looked nothing like me or maybe because in comparison to the husks, fighting those stupid recon bots is easy peasy lemon squeezy. Regardless, I got him to his area where he last saved and also managed to watch those last 12 minutes of Glee, so I'm completely and mentally prepared for when season 2 picks up again, which it better or there will be violence.

THIS is the 2nd to last post of 2010? Yup.

(Lea looks ferociously over-tanned in this picture, so thus I don't like it that much, but it will eventually provide a semi segway later on)

So for Christmas I got my dad a Yankee poster in a picture frame that showcases the old school stadium they had that he would always visit when he was little. I'm sentimental like that and that may be one of my better qualities.

Well he hasn't hung it up yet, due to the fact that he hasn't had string or the time to. The picture has been leaning up against the wall near the front door. My pup, Tito, so unused to seeing intruders in the house, barks as viciously as a chihuahua can when he sees his reflection. This leads me to my next point.

Tito barks at the Yankee poster. He sees his little self in the reflection and goes crazyyyy, which leads to some very interesting commentary from my father, whose vocabulary is widely expansive and colorful like a peacock. He takes pride in his Yankees, so seeing a turncoat such as Tito, who would dare bark at their poster for any reason, causes him to rage, much like how I do when I sit next to people eating oatmeal during class.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: I'm working on a bit of poetry that is possibly nsfw & slightly pornographic, but I came up with an awesome title so I'm just gonna roll with it. No expected due date.

ANOTHER NOTE: because my complete season 1 accumulation of Glee decided to conk out on the very last episode *rage*, I will most likely have to either A) attempt to exchange it for a whole new unopened season 1 or B) purchase the last disc of the season in hopes THAT disc works as well. I bought this whole season when it was still new, so I don't understand how the last disc, ONLY, is the one with the horrible DVD skipping quality.

NOTE: because my father and I have officially "finished" season 1 of Glee, he will now start playing Mass Effect, which he says very oddly, but then again he's my dad and the sole source of my quirkiness. I'm aware that everyone says words differently, but he's on a whole other scale. Words that are written exactly as they sound, he will sometimes butcher the word. An example of his impeccable spelling: finnical - you would think he meant finical, but no. He meant to write "financial" but doesn't know how to spell it. I love my father dearly. Well, my father calls the game Mass E-fect, which a major emphasis on the E, as if the E were the purpose for the whole existence of such a game.

Reigning in the new year the way I usually do - high probability.
My father learning grammar and spelling in the new year - low probability.
Loving my family anymore than I already do now - zero probability, because that's just not possible.
♥



This is so fucking adorable.

meh. i would get the one season of glee that decides to break down like dvds do on the LAST episode only. :/

-> this looks and sounds sooooooooooooooo delicious

it's praline cheesecake with coconut pecan shortbread and coconut pecan toffee sauce.

BTW, the website this image came from is equally delicious and scrumptious. I'm secretly a food addict... actually, not so secretly. Food = ♥ and I'm not ashamed to say it

just in case you wanted to see this beauty uninhibited by the fact I had to minimize the photo so it wouldn't destroy my blog with its intense savoriness =
http://foodporndaily.com/pictures/praline-cheesecake-with-coconut-pecan-shortbread-crust-and-coconut-pecan-toffee-sauce/

OCHOOOOOOOOOOO!

*insert familial picture from Christmas that isn't uploaded onto the computer yet, because my aunt has all of the pictures and hasn't sent me any yettttttttttttt*

The only thing that's better than spending time with adorable 6 and 7 year olds on Christmas is hearing one of them innocently say a derogatory term. I can't get it out of my head that my little cousin Elysia called my other cousin Josh that word. It was absolutely perfect and I couldn't bust up laughing at that precise moment, because I didn't want her to ask why I was laughing.

I love my family "sooooooooo very much" =] This Christmas with all of them was definitely one of the best Christmases I've ever had, even if I was super moody when everyone left.

Josh said someday down the road when Elysia is 16 or so, he'll tell her what she so cutely called him. In the meantime, I now have a new inside joke with Josh and I hope to be there when Elysia finds out the term she used =P

Josh had walked outside where we were and was leaning over the table to listen in on how we were doing. Elysia, in her excited seven-year-old stupor, said, "What up?!" However, she wanted to add his name at the end, but also wanted to add the word "Dude". I'll let you guys use your imaginations =P

Rudolph ran over my wrist, dear =(

So I'm super pissed that my hand/wrist is killing me and I'm not entirely sure as to why this is the case. I've had pain in my wrist before from, what I believed to be, a cyst of sorts, because it eventually went away. This isn't a simple bump on my wrist though - it isn't anything at all. Either way, it hurts to bend my wrist down or up, which severely limits my motion capabilities. This is doubled by the fact that it's my right wrist that's hurting.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Brighter note: there is nothing more redeeming and proving of a social life than the fact that I will be going clothes shopping with my father, who will have to critique my fashion sense and choices in a semi-straight manner. Should prove interesting to say the least.

Fa la^8

I planned on writing a sort of venting letter, because I'm as bipolar as a pregnant woman towards the end of her third trimester. I thought of perhaps including an example for the male audiences, but unfortunately, I can't think of a bipolar male occurrence, so I suppose a jab at pregnancy will have to do.

It's not necessarily a jab at it, as much as it is a universal truth, but I digress.

I have been on a tumultuous poorly constructed carnival ride of emotions for a little bit. I will give a quick example of how far I've fallen and how high I've risen in a few. I'm pretty sure Jesus would be impressed with my achievements.

I got some clothes for Christmas among other commodities, but the point remains clothing for girls is mostly iffy. Or maybe it's just me, because of my incredibly tall proportions unknown to the female species. Either way, some of the clothes fit perfectly whereas others were literally another layer of skin, a point in which I am not comfortable. This put me in an off mood because I dislike how clothes are prepared - why aren't all clothes made in a universal size? Seriously. It's rage worthy for me.

My mom makes one comment and I'm not going to explain the whole dynamic for the day, but this comment causes some switch to go off and the water works start up.

I go to my room and begin to play Dragon Quest V, a game in which is already known to cause me torment. Well, I'm officially a father in the game and my wife was newly kidnapped. It was and still is a giant ordeal and I was stuck as a stone statue for 10 years while my children were raised by my dead father's Mexican friend named Sancho - no lie. This story is so intense. I have to find my (hopefully) alive mother & wife, who I assume is alive but is still in her stone statue state as well. My kids are so stunted from a lack of childhood but they don't care because they can wield the legendary armament/weaponry. Well, my son can. I'm a father of twins - the daughter has yet to prove herself, thus making me regret naming her after myself. With all of these events happening, I sat stoically.

I then attempted to sleep, because I played until late into the night. This led to an intense powwow of emotional confrontations within my mind which are so bound up and numerous, that it's ridiculous. I slowly realized there's no point in trying to sleep, so in order to relieve my inner stress, I decided to read a book I've been meaning to read.

Within 10 minutes of reading this book, I am lawl-ing in my room until the early hours of 1 and 2. Not only am I laughing uproariously while my parents and newly wedded brother and sister-in-law are sleeping, I am also swooning from the characters within the short book to the point that I almost practically "drunk texted" for it to be my status. I wasn't drunk, but I was high on the feeling of laughter and gregariousness that I was so close to saying something that would make school girls squeal.

tl;dr lesson for this post = I'm bipolar.

"People don't stay in your life forever. Maybe he came in, you loved him, you learned from him, and now there's nothing more for him to teach you. Maybe your time with him is done. Maybe it's really time to just let him go. If he has more to teach you, he'll end up coming back. When you feel like talking to him, look up a new word that describes him in an asshole-ish manner. Keep a list."

MERRY CHRISTMAS

^^ Another puppy for good measure, just in case BILL's heart hasn't completely thawed/melted =]

Merry Christmas Eve ♥

Puppies wearing Santa hats - this is my way of providing Christmas cheer to anyone who isn't feeling very up to it! Photo credit to the original posting of the puppies, but I'm just a sucker for cuteness =)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas ♥

Not sure how I feel about not spending Christmas Eve with anyone special tomorrow - I feel like I'm wasting my Christmas break by not really accomplishing anything or making any remote sort of memorable memories, besides the fact I've converted my father to the side of "homo explosion" entertainment.

"I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters." (Frank Lloyd Wright)

Worst Sound Ever

Some people say the sound of nails on a chalk board is unsettling.

Some say that the sound of a baby shrieking is unnerving.

Some teenagers would say that the sound of their alarm waking them up in the morning causes them grief.

Some people say that the sound of people chewing bubblegum with their mouths wide open is annoying.

You want to know what I think is the worst possible sound ever? Well, I'll tell you anyway.

The sound of a fairly sized insect being squished underneath your shoe.

It was as traumatizing as the fact that tonight I had to choose my bride in Dragon Quest V - however, unlike the cricket that had to be exterminated, I shut my game off so I can think about it more.

The cricket had it coming. He only has himself to blame. If you'd have been there - if you'd have heard it - I bet you, you would have done the same.

Beloved & Chinese Food

Beloved is honestly one of my few favorite novels and I'm about to enlighten on why this is important/surprising without spoiling the book for those who have yet to read it.

I'm not a fan of most African American works - it doesn't appeal to me, because I'm not into smooth jazz. The lack of proper grammar also gets to me too, because I'm narrow minded like that; however, there are a few exceptions such as e.e. cummings who very rarely capitalizes anything of actual need. He's not black as far as I know, so you can say that I'm biased against African American works. For me, the topic of slavery is over-done and while I realize slavery was an incredibly bad move humanitarian wise, it does not need to be a subject matter in a vast majority of AA works (I'm shortening the race, because I'm lazy).

However, the portrayal of slavery in Beloved was, dare I say, refreshing. While slavery is obviously a major theme/component to the novel, there are many other themes that are prevalent to overshadow the elephant in the room. The feelings of loss, despair, hopelessness, change, family values, and a debate on what freedom really entails are some themes if I had to say what the purpose was.

While the grammar isn't to snuff with what proper grammar should be, the way the story flowed worked. This may seem like a no-brainer, and prepare for some racism, because very rarely do AA writers write their characters as the most educated group of people. That being the case, I could actually follow the train of thought from chapter to chapter, despite the fact the POV changed sometimes within a chapter.

Maybe it's the romantic in me, but whenever I read a book and genuinely like it, it becomes a part of myself and vice versa. I feel like I give a snippet of my soul to each book that moves me, which is why I very rarely branch out to read many novels. I want to keep my soul and sanity in tact, because let's face it, you can only have a certain amount of Horcruxes before someone says, "alright, already, we get it!"

Something about this work reverberated at my very core and this novel gets a lot of credit for that alone. Very rarely do I read AA works and even more rare do I ever like them enough to warrant another read-through. Beloved is one of my go-to books, because I can understand the perspectives of all of the characters. I know how to feels to be selfish and want attention; how it feels to want to be the only focus for the person I care most about; how it feels to love something so badly that you'd do anything to keep it safe from harm, to keep to alive in some way, shape, or form; how it feels to lose hope in the midst of chaos and how it feels better to just lay down and let life take its course. For me, this is real. Even if I've never experienced slavery myself, my back burns with an image of a chokecherry tree for what the characters have experienced and it kinda takes a lot to get some sort of catharsis out of me.

Side note: I had Chinese food today and my fortune cookie said, "You smile, brings happiness to everyone you meet." Needless to say, it made me laugh and I just now realized I didn't grab it off the table to keep it like I said I would.

"'Here,' she said, 'in this here place, we flesh; flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it. Love it hard. Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it. They don't love your eyes; they'd just as soon pick em out. No more do they love the skin on your back. Yonder they flay it. And O to my people they do not love your hands. Those they only use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty. Love your hands! Love them. Raise them up and kiss them. Touch others with them, pat them together, stroke them on your face 'cause they don't love that either. You got to love it, you! And no, they ain't in love with your mouth. Yonder, out there, they will see it broken and break it again. What you say out of it they will not heed. What you scream from it they do not hear. What you put into it to nourish your body they will snatch away and give you leavins instead. No, they don't love your mouth. You got to love it. This is flesh I'm talking about here. Flesh that needs to be loved. Feet that need to rest and to dance; backs that need support; shoulders that need arms, strong arms I'm telling you. And O my people, out yonder, hear me, they do not love your neck unnoosed and straight. So love your neck; put a hand on it, grace it, stroke it and hold it up. And all your inside parts that they'd just as soon slop for hogs, you got to love them. The dark, dark liver -- love it, love it, and the beat and the beating heart, love that too. More than eyes or feet. More than lungs that have yet to draw free air. More than your life-holding womb and your life giving private parts, hear me now, love your heart. For this is the prize.'" (Beloved by Toni Morrison)

Inane

This .gif makes my life feel somewhat better just because I can say I've finished a book today!

Oh, and I totally pwned my TEAS test. As to be expected, due to my gender and thus my genetics. Now to wait until April to find out if I'm accepted...

"Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused."

A post in which I ramble

As the hours tick by and my TEAS test grows more imminent, I frantically grow more jittery. Taking the practice exams makes me think this test will be a breeze, that I really shouldn't have worried so much about it because it's so basic that it's juvenile. Then, I take some portions of the practice test and am flabbergasted by how I get such "simple" questions wrong.

Then I question if my test booklet is correct. I mean, one of my questions was quizzing me on the correct spelling of salary, but two of the answers were correct. I obviously can't trust this book very much.

And please tell me how a coat that's worth $120 magically becomes only worth $18 when you have a 15% off discount. PLEASE tell me where stores that practice math this way are, because I could have a whole closet full of coats in which people could shit in it. Not like that excites me, but I'm pretty sure a closet just for coats symbolizes some sort of upper class life-style.

Clearly my "study guide" book is hindering me, because let's face it, that math problem is nowhere near being correct and unless my text book put in an invisible "l" on one of the salary's, then I don't know how I'm ever going to get anywhere in life. I may not be an all-star at math, but that's ridiculous. I'm actually good at basic English, and the question is basically a "which letter do you prefer because both are correct?"

If the TEAS test tomorrow asks me a question about the main topic of an essay or if this sentence has correct subject-verb agreement, I think I'll just bury my head in my jacket. I can't for the life of me grasp what the question wants. Main topic seems easy, but the essays they make me read don't have a clear topic, because it talks about 2347234 different things at once. All of the sentences, except for maybe one, always sound legitimate to me, so it once again goes back to the whole "preference" aspect for me, which is always wrong =(

Top off the fact my study guide is out to make me fail and question my basic math skills, I find a spider battalion in my bathroom area. I discovered this by summoning the courage to kill the spider that was perched overlooking me with disdain. He sat in the far corner, overlooking the toilet, which joy upon joys if I had discovered him whilst using the toilet. I had the Raid at the ready and fired. At this instant, the spider took the opportunity to fall down from the ceiling with a frantic chaotic dance, which caused me to scream helplessly and spray the Raid at him until he was drowning in it, rather than whatever means Raid normally disposes of icky creatures.

I breathed a sigh of relief when he stopped moving, but then on the floor I saw a distinct shadow chaotically moving around. (Has anyone noticed that spiders move like a scary abnormal creature? I've never seen one walk around peacefully. If they did, maybe I wouldn't be so scared, but no, they run around like they are trying to elude a crocodile while looking like a creep.) More screams later, the fiend was deceased along with his brother, who I hope are both incredibly dead and not camping out to attack.

I am so glad my roommates are all gone and no one had to listen to me scream.

I'm so glad BILL jinxed me and now I have to deal with demon spiders when I'm away from home. When I go back, I'm sure I'll be barraged by demon squirrels.

In other news, The Tourist was pretty good, although I squirmed when Angelina Jolie talked/walked/glanced/breathed. I really dislike her as an actress and person, but if I ignored that then I'd say it was a good movie. JDepp clearly held the film together =]

Thank you, Bianca, for making me penne alla vodka - I'm now too tired to blog.

Speak the Truth, Maya Angelou

Wish I could have wrote something this poetic, yet simple, but until my thoughts and words can come to fruition, I'll let Maya do the talking for me.

"Still I Rise"
Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
Without your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

PSA

So much has happened this year that I'm amazed that it's coming to an end within 15 days or so - I don't even know how permanent the change is, but I'm tired of alluding to it without ever saying it flat out and maybe that's actually what I need to do.

Ricky and I are no longer dating. To be honest, we haven't been since early November or so. Doesn't really matter who instigated it, but there's also no point in sugar coating anything anymore either. For awhile we were just going through the motions like we were, just acting like friends rather than anything else. I could probably research when exactly the problems started, but there's just so much underneath the relationship rug, that I'd be here retelling horrible memories for awhile.

Sure, there are good memories too. Like my Dragon Quest V has taught me, I can be traumatized be anything and I can't get over the past to move onto the future.

I'm sorry if anyone is upset about this, but there's just no point in pretending anymore. I don't know how to feel about all that's happened, and I don't have my iPod to listen to to find the exact song I'm thinking of, so please deal with the repeat of song -

I take games way too personally

In order to cope from the traumatic experiences I witnessed in Dragon Quest V, I feel like I need to blog about it and maybe everything will be okay again.

Ever since I played this particular sequence of events, my whole world has felt off balance and you know what, maybe it should feel this way. After all I did witness a legit bitch slap, my own father being murdered literally right in front of my eyes as I lay witness to it* & being a slave where the owners legit whipped people.

The asterisk is to bring attention to this little detail that makes this experience so traumatic - that scene wasn't just third person POV. That wouldn't have been so bad... ish. It's still bad no matter what though. What made the scene so life-altering is the fact that for those last 5 minutes of my dad's life - I literally saw everything he did, as if my unconscious 5 yr old character had stepped into his skin. I mean, every little detail about the game pointed to the fact that my dad would die - he was somewhat of a mentor, so it's almost expected. This? Not expected in the least and it plagues me.

The whipping plagues me just as bad, because, like I said, it was legitimate. You saw the whips flung at your character. Actually at one point, you lay witness to a girl getting whipped, but your character plus friend who caused your dad's death jumped in and beat the shit out of the guards who were whipping her.

Still. It's traumatic. This is a video game which is crafted to resemble cartoons, so people like me who fear realism in games can play with reckless abandon. I was not aware that a fucking SCYTHE was going to be held up against my character's 5 yr old neck and that I would become my father to visibly partake in his death, as I watched his HP go from 356 down to 0.

My innocence has been compromised.

Unexplainable Exhaustion

Personally, the blue section should be larger

The thought of my 2nd semester containing a majority of classes that begin at 2pm excites and scares me. Sure, my Thursday class starts at 8am and ends at noon, but that's also my last class. I have one online class, but besides Thursday, on Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday, I have just one class at 2pm. I count my blessings at the thought of all of the free time that may be had - it's practically like I don't even attend college. This could potentially be bad, because the procrastination will only set in that much more rapidly.

I can't even speak correctly and I have a standardized test in 7 days that will test my verbal usage, mathematical abilities, and scientifical prowess. I have never feared an SAT stylized test as much as this, while at the same time underestimating the capacity it can test me on. The practice book makes it seem like child's play, but I suppose it's luring me into a false sense of security so I epic fail all over the place - this is all for the grand purpose of causing me heartache and ruination of my Christmas cheer/holiday.

"Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children." (Pablo Picasso)

1, 2, ah 1, 2, 3, 4!

It's just one of those days where I kinda wanna wear a 5 dollar bill on my chest and hope that I don't come off as a prostitute/sleepy girl. There's no real explanation for this desire, except that I would actually wear this if my body were the size of a Polly Pocket. Only complain is that I wish Abraham's face was facing up right, because it's unasthetically pleasing to my perfectionist side to see him cocking his head, like he's saying O RLY.

He's so awesome that even THAT seems to be in-character for him.

And So Our Story Begins...

^ This is me, otherwise known as Sirius, because he just kinda looks like that'd be his name.

Now that I have vanquished Dragon Quest IX in roughly 60 hours of playtime, I have now set my sights and hands upon Dragon Quest V, a game in which my male character, when he becomes of age, may select a bride, have a kid with her, and save the world.

^ these are my potential brides with their own benefits/fall backs each. It's also a fair interpretation on their personalities as well. (edited with better pictures)

This decision to get the game when I have a "make-me-or-break-me" exam to get into the FGCU Nursing program in about a week couldn't have been any more intelligent than the fact that I've already started playing it, thus now it is all I want to be doing.

So it pains me to say that I have to strain myself away from my Nintendo DS and stuff my face in a book so I can manage to make money/save people's lives in the real world. Methinks it's ironic, because people in my video game are probably dying while I selfishly slave away in RL for education, but I've been going to college all year round since last August, why not keep at it?!

(I want to stay up all night playing the game, but I'm going to a movie in the AM con mis parentals. My inner child is leering at my inner responsible side)

Feeling Blah and Emo - not that great of a post!

If you were caught cheating, would you fess up?
If I was caught, there wouldn't be much to fess up to, nor would the individual want to hear any excuses or reasons either.

The last time you felt honestly broken?
couple days ago

Are you craving something?
not really

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
I don't know - I'm not really in any particular mood to want anything except for happiness

Would you rather have ten kids, or none?
none - I don't want that many

What do you hear right now?
tv commercials, Tito & my mom

Is your bed against more than one of your walls?
the one at my dorm is, but the one at home isn't

What’s on your mind right now?
a lot of things =/

Are you there for your friends?
I'd like to think so

Last person to see you cry?
richard

What do you do when you get nervous?
trip over my words and have a loss of words

Be honest, do you like people in general?
some more than others, but I'd say yes

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
whenever I get married

Does anyone completely understand you?
probably not

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
little brother

Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you?
it's usually just words, but yes someone has said that before

Would you be happier if life had a rewind button?
yes, and if the VCR broke at a moment in time, I'd hope it'd be during summer camp or maybe during Verot, depending on what year.

Do you tell your mom or dad everything?
I wouldn't say everything

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?
that's his choice and if he wants to do that, then I'm not going to stick around

Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone?
seems like a pattern

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
yeah.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
mixture of both - the past sucked in some aspects, the present isn't that great, and the future freaks me out

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
usually about 8

Are you easy to get along with?
yeah I'd say so

Do you like the rain?
it's alright as far as weather goes

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
actually no, I don't think so

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?
yeah and I wish I didn't

Who were you last in the car with, besides family?
richard

What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?
tangled

Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend?
no

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?
understatementttttttttt

Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party?
nah

Do you regret a past relationship?
no, I just wish it'd stop bothering me

Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party?
prob a concert

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?
not really - I don't have a type, except for them being funny. From there, it just kinda happens or doesn't happen.

Do you care too much about your appearance?
I think everyone does

Are you a jealous person?
not as much now, but I still do a little bit

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
hm I don't think so?

Do you miss anyone?
I miss a concept

Does your ex piss you off?
yes slightly

What are you doing tomorrow?
studying for my TEAS test

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week?
quite the opposite

Is there anyone you want to come see you?
no, not really

Have you ever been cheated on?
no

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
not to someone who walked away, but to someone who didn't care

Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?
richard

Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17?
I'm 19, but no I don't plan on getting knocked up by a 17 year old

Do you have siblings?
yup

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?
yeah

How has the past week been for you?
rough - it's been really up and down

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
I talk to many a member of the opposite sex, so yeah

What were you doing at midnight last night?
padiddling on the internet

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?
seeing Megan perform her play, visiting Ms. Day with the rest of the alum after the Verot play

Who were you with last night?
roommates and richard

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
no

Next time you will kiss someone?
probably not for a long time at the rate I'm going

Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy?
doesn't really have to be one or the other

Do you have any plans for the weekend?
not really, except for going out to eat and studying

Defeated with the credits almost rolling!

I had forgotten what it felt like to play video games. I got so excited to be fighting the boss battle that I forgot to look in the game guide for the tips to surviving - it lead to my utter demise when the boss hit me with his ultimate magic attack. All of my party, a total of four people, were wiped out with just one hit.

Oh, Dragon Quest, how I've missed you!

On the plus side, I just have to go back through that whole entire dungeon to fight him! Hopefully I won't have to fight the 5 other mini boss battles that also occurred in the dungeon, as well.

Some Words of Wisdom

If a relationship ends because they were not treating you as you deserve then fuck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle for second best.

In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. Don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for.

Be as simple as you can be; you will be astonished to see how uncomplicated and happy your life can become.

"I feel too much. That's what's going on."
"Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel the wrong ways?"
"My insides don't match up with my outsides."
"Do anyone's inside and outsides match up?"
"I don't know. I'm only me."
"Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and the outside."
"But it's worse for me."
"I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him."
"Probably. But it really is worse for me."(Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

Obscenities.

Here's to totally failing my anatomy exam that's worth 350 points for only 100 questions. It doesn't even matter how well I did on the Part A section, because that damn HAPS test costs so much point wise.

You know a test makes you consider suicide/homicide when Sweeney Todd music gets stuck in your head for NO reason. Fuck you, Reuter & your damn HAPS exam from St. Louis too.

It's quaint when the thought of putting my test on the floor and crying in the test room actually sounds like a good idea. I'm glad I spent a good 6 hours of my life today studying for this exam. *sarcasm raised so high that people at fucking Hodges are talking about it*

Guess who just registered to take Anatomy 2 again on the off chance she does end up failing this class? Guess who is so pissed off right now that she doesn't think she can even concentrate for her next final exam, which just so happens to be about 12 hours away from now?

Fuck you, FGCU, for putting in a teacher that can't speak with clarity and sucks majorly to teach Anatomy when you had a perfectly awesome guy before. Fuck off.

Love is knocking outside your door ♥

With newer and newer Disney princess movies coming out, I am, needless to say, super excited and pumped. Disney has been dishing out some really kick ass princesses as of late. Look at Mulan, Tiana from Princess & the Frog, and Rapunzel from Tangled. All of them are independent, 'I do what I want' types of ladies! They don't define themselves with who they are dating or who they hang out with - they are defined by their own sense of self. It's not even an annoying sort of independence either, since I'm sure some may attribute it to being entirely too feminist to the point that it's a turn off. It's just a sense of assured-ness even when times get rough. It's looking on the bright side when life gets dark. It's looking for a way out yourself without depending on anyone else to help you get there.

If I survive my final exams, I want to watch a wholeeeeeeeeee bunch of Disney movies to prep me up to study for my TEAS test for the 20th. I bet if I watched Mulan tomorrow before my exams, I'd do awesome. Wanna know why? Because it would empower me to be the BA person I am.

Unfortunately, I have no DVD player except for my computer and no Mulan or any other Disney princess movie to pump me up..

So adorableeee

Time skip to Christmas would be GREAT

Tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure final exams should not make it so I wish I could crawl into the fetal position and die on my carpeted floor. I mean, finals aren't supposed to be the most joyous of times, like Christmas is, but I'm fairly certain life shouldn't be this difficult before I'm even into my second decade.

My Anatomy 2 exam should not be SO cumulative that he's taking questions from Chapter 1, which I learned in Anatomy 1. I mean, yeah it carries over, but seriously? Every little detail of every single chapter in my extremely heavy and entirely too factual textbook is a possibility? Bear in mind it's a 100 question exam, but wait, it gets better.

My Anatomy teacher, Lord help my soul, decided in the good nature of his German soul to not only grant us the honor of one final exam, but two. No, neither exam is optional. Both are mandatory. One, which encompasses Anatomy 1&2, bear in mind there is the physiology aspect as well, which is a standardized test some dignitaries elsewhere have made. This exam is the 100 question one mentioned previously. My other exam is 50 questions of my teacher's creation which focuses on the last four chapters we have learned.

Due to this benevolent grace of God my Kaiser has given to me, I am sent into a whirlwind of emotions. Do I attempt to CRAM every minute detail of A&P 1&2 or do I focus on the last four chapters specifically? I had the slightest inch of hope when I figured, "Hey, how bad could the 100 question test be? It's not like it's going to be very specific, like 'which rib is my favorite rib?!'" Unfortunately, my teacher dashed me hopes against the algae-infested shore, by revealing that the minuscule of details will also be tested upon.

Needless to say, on top of all of my other exams I will be having this week, this Anatomy dual-wielded exam is my toughest foe. It's hardly fair to come into a sword fight when I'm equipped with a toothpick - that's the best way I can describe this feeling of hopelessness I have.

My exam is on Tuesday from 730-10 AT NIGHT.

That will be my dying day =(

fun day!

So I realized while en route for Fort Myers late last night, that I need to blog and luckily I have a phone with internet abilities that allows me to post, right? Well, it's partially true. See, my phone is very... moody. She picks and chooses what functions and capabilities I can accomplish and sometimes refuses to turn on at any moment. Needless to say, in stressful situations she kinda fails. Now she's lost somewhere in my purse or Ricky's car. I hope she's learning her lesson wherever she may be.

SO TODAY WAS A REALLY FUN DAY. I posted about it on FB this morning, because last night I was too tired to blog coherently and I didn't feel like editing the measly post my phone allowed me to make so I was within the "a post per day" mark. I'm not quite sure what to expound on, but I'll copy and paste what I said and put it here. Like my future self would have time to peruse FB to find one of my old statuses!

"so yesterday was one the best days I've had in a long time - I got to meet a retired kungfu master, eat incredibly delicious Chinese food for lunch, visit my cousins up in Bradenton, see my cousin carry out the family tradition by performing in a play!!, ate at Munchies for the 1st time, and had a lot of fun on drive back ♥ Deff need more days like this =]"

Every single one of my paragraphs has started with "So" except for this one, now it feels like the black sheep. :C

Wow.

Nothing makes my heart feel better than knowing our criminals keep on getting smarter and smarter.

Walkin in a Winter Wonderland

I guess when you put an event with a BUNCH of free stuff, people are always gonna be riotous and crazy. I was chewed out for a girl for skipping in line, when I didn't really wanna bear and was standing with my roommate. 'Twas ridiculous, indeed. I ended up getting a bear though, well actually it's a husky, but he's gonna be a great addition to my room =)

I suspect this is how Black Friday shopping it at midnight, where everyone is just pissed off for being awake at midnight, and everyone YELLS the most benign things. This group of girls, same girls who were literally yelling at us, were also yelling at anyone else that walked in front of them, whether they were cutting or just walking around to see what people were waiting in line for. I never thought people would get so caught up about getting a stuffed animal or not. I mean, the animals are cute and all, but they were incredibly hard to stuff. The whole set up for the event was really mediocre as far as structure goes. You know you have a problem when the line for one part of the whole event has 1000+ students waiting in line with even more students just cutting into the line, because who wants to wait that long.

BUT, I'm cool with it. I feel like I probably caused myself to get sick, but my immune system will kick the cold's ass. *knocks on wood*