Happy Memorial Day!

I feel like nowadays people don't understand why the Army, Navy, Marines, etc. are important. It's incredibly important because without them fighting for us, we wouldn't be what we are today. Maybe that's kind of a stretch, but still they fight so we can maintain our freedom which is something a lot of people take for granted, or at least that's how I see it. It's kinda the same thing with college and education in general; nobody really seems to appreciate it. I understand our education system isn't as great as other areas of the world, but education is education: it's a gift. I'll complain about my classes all week, but I truly want to take them, because of this deadly curiosity I have and I enjoy seeing myself do well.

I'm really just sick and tired of people abusing everyday things, like freedom of speech, education, money, and books just because they are everyday things. People just piss me off, seriously.

haha I'm ending the blog because nothing I'm saying makes very much sense =P

God Bless America, Our Troops & Our Veterans ♥

"It's amazing. Some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence, and it changes the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love. It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don't know it."

Test Run!

I'm liking the new layout and such! I don't know if its just me but it's a lot easier to read too, plus 2x as symbolic now! =]

I hope I always live my life to the fullest and take advantage of opportunities that come my way if those are the ones I want to take. I never wanna feel like I'm just floating by in life, even if I act like I do. I know there will be times I gotta cry and vent and bitch about every single thing because life sucks. I gotta trudge through the tough times to fully enjoy the happy times. I gotta keep trying to be a better person each day, even if the changes are minimal and few.

I just wish I wasn't so difficult =P

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone."

So let's live it up wisely ♥

You know..

I remember when Leonardo DiCaprio was in the Titanic and all the girls swooned haha it's really weird to see him still acting!

^^ one of the few guys Ricky would sleep in the same bed with if given the chance, no lie!! ;P

I wish I could say witty things every single day or at least something mildly inspiring, but I'm really kind of a boring person when we come right down to it. I'm just an average girl at best who is a secret nerd/geek about so many things, although I'd like to think it's not much of a secret anymore. I'm currently trying to find somewhere to go to work out and have fun doing it, since if I'm alone there's about 50 million things I'd rather do than get up =P

Summer seriously needs to start now - I'm not looking forward to my double whammy Anatomy tests of Tuesday. Who picks 25 bones out of the 190 bones I need to learn/memorize? Who also tests on 100 questions out of 700 possible questions? I'll tell you who: Dr. Solomon and Dr. Richards. Oh, boy I cannot wait. *sarcasm hand is raised*

"You're all geniuses and you're all beautiful. You don't need anyone to tell you who you are. You are what you are. Get out there and get peace, think peace, and live peace, and breathe peace, and you'll get it as soon as you like." (John Lennon)

SPIDER CRAWLING AROUND MY COMPUTER

IT IS ON MY MONITOR WTF.

END BLOG.

i'm completely scared right now - i had my pajamas resting on the desk too

bugs and other creepy crawlies really seem to like me, and animals too. I saw an unknown one cross the street (i'm suspecting a tanuki or a huge cat) and then a bunny crossed in front of my car and a burrowing owl flew past.

i'm still scared.

Killer Headache =(

(Seoul Tower in South Korea. People write the name of their love on a lock, lock it on the fence and throw the key off the edge.)

I kinda wonder how many people get hit by keys - isn't this kind of a danger to society? A penny is lethal from the top of the Empire State Building. Now I may be wrong (I don't really feel like looking it up for sure) but just judging by the name, a tower would be taller than a building. It's a really cute idea though =)

"People figure I crossed the line. The truth is, there is no line. There's only your life, how you mess it up, and who's there to save you, or who isn't."

I Got My Hata-Blockas On!

This, this right here ^, is my newest procrastination, aggravation, and my de-stresser. I can't wait until my summer classes are over; hopefully Mario won't make me fail =X

I was so scared today that I would lose my vision permanently, because, of course, I would be given the dilating juice that keeps my eyes dilated for practically 4 hours wtf. It was a very different sort of experience for me, but it wasn't too terrible =)

Though we falter, we don't have to fall. (The Calling)

For some reason..

when I saw this picture, bones appeared in my head.


"Let's face it - we've all changed. We all change. Somewhere between the summer reading and school starting, we've all gone our own directions. Hearts were broken, friendships diminished, new love started, and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all of our time in our circle of friends. We no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. We've changed. Some for the better, some for the worse. Some of us are finding love and others are trying to let go. We all know that even though we're all finding our place in the world that when we find our love, we let go of a love. When the tears fall or happy smiles spread across our faces, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens, nothing will ever change so much to the point that we're not all friends forever."

Oh, I love a good rant ♥

Marriage scares the crap out of me, and not for the reasons a person might expect.

I've never experienced a tricky divorce; my parents are still together, and yeah, they fight and bicker sometimes, but they still love each other (at least from what I can tell). I don't have commitment issues - once I pick someone, I pick someone and I don't stray from that, especially if it's serious and means a lot to me. I'm not scared of having kids or dealing with the thought of pregnancy that would be down the road after the marriage. I'm slightly scared of the whole financial aspect of it all, but that's kinda to be expected, just like my fear of wondering if I would make a good parent/wife for anyone.

But what scares me the most about the wedding is the bachelor party.

Yes, I am one of those women who fear and loathe the idea of the bachelor party. Surprise!!

It scares me more than anything else about marriage, and it occurs before I'd even be married. I know it's none of the wife's business to know what occurs at the bachelor party. Ya know, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, and all that other crap so guys won't have to worry about their soon-to-be wives finding out about the strippers and the lap dances. Yeah, that party.

A lot of guys hide behind the rouse of, "well, I had no choice! *Insert best man's name* got the girls to come over and they made me get a lap dance!" And I call bullshit and shenanigans and bologna to that whole entire statement. Let's think about this: a party full of guys and strippers and you claim to have been forced to get a lap dance? "Well, he paid for it, it would be rude to say no!" So it's better to take a lap dance for the team, than to give your fiance the peace of mind. I mean, it's not like she trusts you or anything like that. "Well, it didn't mean anything! I'm never gonna see her again anyway!" If it 'didn't mean anything to you' then why go along with it in the first place? Oh yeah, because all guys are perverted pigs who when seeing a half naked bimbo shaking in front of them, just can't wait to sink their teeth into that. Because all guys have no self control and have the brain capacity of a dog, who doesn't know right or wrong, and will continue to pee on the floor because it can't fathom having a decent thought process.

It's the fact that guys will never say no to something like that because their anatomy and genetics just tell them to hump everything - I would love to meet the guy who could or would say no in that sort of situation, because I see a great future in that prospect, or they're a fabulous liar. I thought guys were supposed to be these macho men who don't cave under peer pressure, but it sure seems possible when women and their guys friends are involved.

Me, bitter? Maybe. Call me a shrew or a vengeful typical woman, but if my fiance had some crazy ass bachelor party, I'd wanna have a crazy bachelorette party, even if that's really not what I would want. To be honest, if I had a bachelorette party, it would just be me and my closest girl friends (since apparently only girls can go to those - typical men to say women can't have male strippers at their parties, but female strippers at theirs is completely okay - double standard alert!) sitting at one of their apartments or houses just watching movies or playing trivia games. If any of them even thought of bringing a male stripper there, I would leave or tell them to leave, because I'm not interested in any of that. I don't want some guy, a random guy, dancing around me or whatever it is that those people do at those sorts of events. I'd kinda be insulted at whoever paid for that, because it's like they don't even know me at all. I'm sure some women would enjoy that at their bachelorette party, but I wouldn't - that's not who I am. I'd much rather have fun playing video games at my party than anything sexual like a male dancer (wtf are they even called anyway?).

Yes, I'm passionate about silly futuristic things like bachelor parties, but I can't seem to get excited about summer school, which I'm currently in. But that's just who I am =)

End rant.

"You've got to love what's lovable and hate what's hate-able. It takes brains to see the difference." (Robert Frost)

*edit* However, when it comes to the whole bachelor party thing, if a guy is honest about what he did and doesn't make bullshit excuses for it, like I listed above, and he openly admits he wanted to go through with it, then that's a whole different situation. Honesty is much more preferred than bullshit, even if it really really hurts. But I'm still gonna be vindictive, so, I guess it's lose-lose. =P

2010

I thought graduation 2010 was pretty good - as always whenever I go back to Verot, I miss it and wish I could still go there. I'm really proud of Ricky and the fact that he's graduated and i hope he had a great graduation. I, however, didn't have that great of a graduation weekend, which proves how completely circular life is, because last year when it was my graduation, it wasn't that great either.

"My head is currently a horrible place to be."

Graduation tonight - hopefully I can make a post about it tonight!

Barely Made It!!

haha I actually forgot about this completely and thought I haven't done a blog for days - I guess that just kinda proves how long this day has been and how superfluously busy it was =P

Get that vocab for incorrect use!

"What do you really want?" I asked him impatiently. "You, I want you," he replied. I wasn't buying it. I turned to walk away, when he stopped me. "I want that part of you that gets excited when you hear the ice cream truck. The part that cries when old people die in movies. The part that cares about much more than what she wears. The part where she can totally be herself. The part that when I look at her, I only see her. The part where she could never give up a stuffed animal, cause she'll feel bad for it. The part where she wants me too. That's what I really want."
♥

Deck the Halls

I wish I could always be happy. It seems that whenever you're sad or just normal, you're always wishing you were happy. But when you're happy, you start worrying about when all this happiness is going to end - already I worry that I'm too happy and I'm either going to have to pay for this or it's all going to end real soon =/

"Christmas isn't just a day - it's a frame of mind." (Miracle on 34th Street)

=/

I used to be a strong girl. A lot has changed. A lot has happened, and I've had to deal with so much more than any person should have to go through. And you know something? I feel like I finally broke. Everything around me crashed, and I fell right with it. I'm not that strong anymore and I don't know if I can handle this.

"If I ever have kids, and they're upset, I won't tell them that there are people starving in China or something like that, cause it wouldn't change the fact that they're upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't change the fact that you have what you have." (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Oh, FGCU ♥

how you consistently screw me over nowadays!

I can't wait until I just live in a set location, and not have to depend on college or my parents to provide me a place to live. I guess I should get on that and get a job, hm?

boo responsibilities!

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees - just as things grow fast in movies - I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer." (The Great Gatsby)

Short and Sweet

That special someone who truly loves you will be patient and wait for you, but an invisible barrier can make or break the relationship. Don't close your heart to the world. ♥

"Love is terrifying. It is absolutely completely terrifying. But that doesn't mean that it isn't worth it."

Don't Stop Believing

I hope that in spite of the horrible treatment we all get, we will continue to see the good in people. Even the worst person on the planet had some redeemable quality about them; if we could all realize that, I think the world would be a little bit better off, because everyone is trying to get somewhere in life through different means. Maybe they do it underhandedly or they walk all over you to get higher up, but one day they will realize they did wrong to you and lament that fact, hoping for forgiveness from something greater than themselves or from you. Then we'll see the humanity within us all and the world will become brighter ♥

"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out, yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." (Anne Frank)

Filler Post =)

"Sometimes, I just miss that boy. The one who held my hand walking down the street, who's arms I laid in and never wanted to go away. The one who I talked to for hours and told pointless stories to. The one who knew everything about me and liked me anyway. The one who knew exactly what I was saying even if I didn't and helped me when I had no clue what to do. The one who showed me what love was and what it was like to need someone there. The one who could only make me cry and hurt me like no other guy could. Those eyes that said everything, that sense of sarcasm that was always there; the way even he could stop from falling in love. That even though we fought constantly and couldn't stand each other, we couldn't leave each other's side. Something is still there; something that never left me the day that boy broke my heart in two. Something like your first love that wasn't ready to end. Something that makes you stomach flip at the brush of a hand or arm. Something that makes it so much harder to know that he's not yours anymore. Something that makes you want to hide away and cry all those tears, because suddenly all of those memories come back and it almost hurts worse to know that it's all out of control. And you just miss everything about that boy that you don't think is ever coming back."

"I wanna go to Forks for my honeymoon!"

The title of this, the picture, and the quote all speak the truth. Go out and find yours.

BTW: Ricky said the quote in the title and yes he means Forks as in the Twilight series actual city Forks. Who knew I'd be dating such a Twitard =P Due to the statement I just said, proper grammar was not necessary.

"It's been said again and again; life is a process. We are fleeting moments that come and go, and I'm grateful to have my time, my aspirations and my mistakes, my flaws and my abilities. Think of me what you will, but before you do, don't." (Alex Gaskarth)

Would You Ever

re-marry if your spouse died when you were 40?

I think I wouldn't be able to.

I realize it's somewhat presumptuous of me to just say, "No! I'd never do that", so I'm leaving it at the fact that I really don't think I'd be able to re-marry. Main reason being, I don't think I could get over my spouse completely enough to be able to handle another marriage to some one else other than who I originally picked. A lot of things about couples that do this bothers me. In my opinion, it almost makes me feel like they never really loved their original spouse, and maybe that's a very childish way of looking at things. I can understand re-marrying after a divorce, but a death is so much more serious, because it wasn't your choice for them to pass (for the most part). It just kinda happens randomly, or maybe it happens due to their life choices, but it's never something like a divorce which is mutually accepted (once again, for the most part).

I feel like it's a selfish reason to re-marry after that sort of experience, because for me, it's like you NEED someone, anyone, to fill their gap. I don't know, it might just be me that feels this strongly about not re-marrying. I'm also this passionate about other intimate activities. I just feel like it's a kick in the face to your deceased spouse to say or do things with someone new.

Maybe if young kids were in the mix that'd be different, but even then, I really don't think I could bring myself to just move on and forget.

Would you ever be able to do that? Why/Why not?

C'mon You Lazy Mary

start rubbing me with that chocolate!

I realize that it's summer vacation and I was the idiot that not only signed up for summer classes, but signed up to take Anatomy 1 over the summer too. My brain will literally implode the closer it gets to Jul 16. I can't wait till one of my classes ends on Jun 18.

In the meantime, I'll be smashing my head against my books hoping osmosis occurs.

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live without you." (Winnie the Pooh)

Nothing to Say

Keep Your Head Up!

I'm pretty sure we all have one friend who despises being single and sees it as the plague. "Obviously, something's wrong with me because I'm single." Actually that's not true.

Every girl is always going to be more confident when they aren't dating. I want to say this is a proven fact, but just in my case, it's very true. When you aren't dating, you're less likely to care about your appearance and you'll present yourself confidently around guys. It's not even the fact that you want to flirt with them, but it happens. You don't have to worry about pleasing your boyfriend every second of the day; you don't have to deal with jealousy (well, at least not as much when you date).

I always preferred being single, because when I would look at my friends' relationships, I would just wonder what the point is of dating in the first place. All I ever saw was them in a bad mood constantly, complaining about their boyfriends, crying due to a break-up only to have them take them back again and again despite the fact they were dating THE biggest jerks. It just always made sense to me to stay single and to not bother dating, and I'm glad I did for as long as I did.

I think when you're single, you get a better idea of what you actually want in a guy and you might be able to find someone that fits the bill. Finding someone that is exactly what you want is extremely difficult; some attributes have to take a backseat because it's extremely improbable to find a guy who loves romantic movies and long walks on the beach. Majority of the time, they will either be gay or lying so they can get in your pants.

I just hate seeing girls get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. Life is supposed to be fun and happy, but you don't need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend in order to stay happy; your friends love you, even if you are single, and they will stay by you if they truly are your friend.

"I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly strong. We know what we want and we are not fragile enough." (Shirley Bassey)

Anon Writer for Hores

I remember when I used to write, I would spell a lot of words wrong too, but nothing nearly as hilarious as this =P

Love Will Save the Day

In each of us lies good and bad, light and dark, art and pain, choice and regret, cruelty and sacrifice. We're each our own chiaroscuro, our own bit of illusion fighting to emerge into something solid, something real. We've got to forgive ourselves. I must remember to forgive myself, because there is a lot of grey to work with. No one can live in the light all the time.

Soaring on Air

One of the greatest feelings in the world is being thanked for something. It doesn't have to be a big or extravagant event to warrant a thank you, but it always feels good knowing that someone somewhere benefited from what you did.

Lately there's been a lot of Facebook drama within Verot, and normally I wouldn't care, but since it's my summer and I literally have nothing to do, I just sit on Facebook refreshing the page. From where I stood, it was a bunch of senior girls talking about a sophmore girl, and that alone struck a chord in me.

These senior girls were from Verot, which praises all that is Catholic and Salesian, first of all, but most importantly, they are seniors. Why are seniors that are supposed to be setting a good example as young adults about to embark to college acting like they are in middle school? I don't get it. It's almost understandable when you're a sophomore/freshmen to participate in stupid shit, but seniors are supposed to be mature and not stoop to such childish tactics like posting Facebook statuses calling someone out.

What makes this matter also important to me, was the fact that the sophomore in question was one of the girls in my freshmen retreat group when I was a leader. That basically sealed the deal, because I would normally be too scared to say anything to anyone about how they act. The girl may or may not have done something wrong, but the point of the matter is that seniors shouldn't be acting like little girls and should be acting like young women.

So I said something on the ringleader's status, along the lines of "This is kinda childish and immature, don't you think?" I don't know what response I wanted from what I said, but it felt good to stand up for something when I felt like no one else would. Everyone else was praising the girl for tearing another apart, and I don't see the glory in that, I really don't. Once the girl got out of school she commented back with an immature response, but like I said I didn't know what type of reaction I was expecting or looking for in the first place.

But what really got to me and what really made me proud happened later that night. I was still on Facebook and I noticed that I received a message. I thought it was from Ricky because he was being a dork and decided to message me while texting me, but it wasn't from him. It was from someone I've never talked to before and someone I don't really know from Verot. The sender thanked me for what I said and really appreciated that I stood up to someone who intimidates others into not speaking out. I'm not gonna lie, in that split second I felt like a superhero saving people with one sentence at a time.

Superheroes aren't necessarily born with super powers like agility, flight, web-slinging; superheroes are made when they will stand up for what they believe in when no one else around them will.

So yeah, I kinda need to work on the whole "meek and humble" aspect when it comes to my accomplishments, but I'd like to think I'm not bragging so much as just saying that standing up for others should occur way more often than it does =)

"Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they have half the strength you think they have." (Vincent Peale)

Finding My Shangri-La ♥

I'm reaching out for something greater than myself.
Will it accept me, a flawed human existence?
Only time will tell.

I hope through fruition of mind, body, and soul
I may come to peace with what can and what can't,
what will be and what won't,
what is and what isn't.
Only then will I know my true self.

I cannot lift boulders by my own power,
but I can move people through my words and actions.
I cannot change what has been done,
but I can change my mindset in order to forgive.
I won't get the chance to become a priest or Shaolin monk,
but I can present myself with grace and fluidity and practice love and justice.

I may not know where life's journey may take me,
but I'll follow its path until the bittersweet end,
learning to deal with the vinegar in a world meant for honey.

(me!)

And We'll All Float On

So many holidays coming up! It's cinco de mayo today (obviously) but then on May 25th it's like a cluster of celebrations! It will be Geek Pride Day, since it's the anniversary of the 1st release of Star Wars and also National Make A Man A Sammich Day!

Guess I need to brush up on my sandwich making skillz as well as be extra geeky - thank god I have school that day as well! =P Maybe I'll borrow Ricky's Star Wars shirt and make sandwiches and eat them underneath trees. These days are the types of days where I really wish I had more anime shirts - curse FYE for not selling L shirts anymore! In order to make up for this fact, I will begin watching Sailor Moon, as I have been since before exam week. I suppose I have Sailor Moon to thank for my grades in this semester - it can only get better after this!

I'm a female nerd/geek/weirdo who likes sandwiches. Sue me.

"All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle." (Marilyn Monroe)

I Will Keep the Bad Things From You ♥

I don't know if everyone's exams are done, but here's some highly recommended, relaxing music to set the tempo for a lazy summer =P

(btw, it's Star Wars Day. May the fourth be with you ♥)

Bye Bye, Black Bird ♥

And like a bird, I will fly free.

My wings may be clipped from life's hardships,
but I will not stay chained and immobile.

Stop me, if you must,
but I will sing of better days until my voice
breaks off into silent whispers,
barely heard over the bustle of living.

No one said learning to fly again would be easy;
Anything in life rarely is.

I will flap my wings until my heart wears out,
and when that happens, I will falter.
For a brief second, I will lose my courage, my ambition,
and like a hummingbird will I die.

The reign you have over me must be squelched
through my own power or through my memory.
Either way, I will soar above you,
never batting an eye to the life I once lead.
(me)

A Peak Into Boofoo

** For those who are unaware of Boofoo, or where this is, you're not alone. This has become a quaint way of describing where I live since I live in the middle of nowhere. The term is coined from Julia Croce except I think she would call it "Boofoo China" since it's literally out in the country/forest area of Nofo. **

Don't get me wrong, I love living here. There are, however, always pros/cons to each situation.

Pros:

1. I love nature. There's honestly nothing better than seeing the sun coming in through hundreds of trees on the car ride home. It's just so beautiful; there's really nothing like it. How many houses in the city see foxes in their yard? Do you know how cute that is??
   
2. I love the silence. I don't have to worry about cars or traffic whizzing by my house. It's just nice and quiet.
3. Neighbors? Yes, I have neighbors, but they aren't wedged up against my house like the houses in Cape Coral. There's a considerable amount of property in between this house and our neighbors' houses.
4. I grew up here. I've lived in the same exact house since I've been birthed. On one of the walls of the house, we had my little height measurement chart for every year to keep track of how much I grew. My parents painted over it, but I know it's still there. (No, I did not just pop out completely tall, although it feels like that may have been the case).

Cons:

1. It's nature. With every beautiful sunset or sunlight shimmering on the trees, there will always be these crazy ass insects and animals gallivanting around everywhere. I'm not exaggerating. Too many times have I tried to take a shower only to find a huge ass spider waiting to kill me. After rainy days, ants will be crawling all over my clothes because they got in through my window. There have been scorpions in my sink before because they climbed up through the pipe. Everything out where I live is twice as big and twice as likely to show up in the strangest places.
2. Wanna come over to watch a scary movie? I didn't think so. Any type of horror movie would most likely literally play out where I live. It's severely creepy how quiet it gets at night.
3. Let's say a horror movie situation does occur where I live, I don't have that many neighbors, so I'd end up dying. Plus, it's in the middle of nowhere. Cops/firefighters/anyone won't be able to get there for a good 30 minutes; I would be dead by the time anyone showed up.
4. It takes 15+ minutes to get to civilization, and by civilization, I mean AMC, the Nofo movie theater. It takes roughly 30 minutes to get downtown, 40 minutes to get to Bell Tower, etc. Due to the amount of time I'd have to dedicate to driving, it's no wonder I never really had a crazy social life ever.

I love my house though. I can't picture living anywhere else, except in dear old Boofoo =)

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning

You know how in movies or in real life, people will pass away and their final words will be forever known to others? Even the most imbecilic person has at least heard of Julius Caesar's last words, "Et tu, Brute?" before he was assassinated by his close friends/peers. Well, the reason why I bring it up is because I really want to be able to say something awe-inspiring or cool when I do pass. Of course, the moment I try to orchestrate and practice what I wanna say is the moment it will suck and fail. All I know is that I hope I find as much solace and peace with everything as all famous people seem too.

Thomas Edison's last words were, "It's beautiful over there." I don't know where there is, but I hope it's beautiful ♥