If you have 12 minutes and 4 seconds of your life to spare & you feel compelled to get to know me better, then I suggest you watch this:

Don't let Keiko standing in the doorway deter you from watching :P

It's my favorite anime series and it's just brilliantly done. I've seen it at least 3 times in its entirety (112 episodes! :D) and I started watching it on TV back in 2003.

It's certainly a lot of firsts for me. It was the first series I was ever truly obsessed with.

It was the first anime I ever watched with my dad, which lead us to watching more shows together and now it's just something we both love and share.

It was the first anime that I ever read fanfiction for. I was 12 years old reading this smutty fic that was 50 chapters long and it was the first time I read a fic with lemon in it. I didn't even know what lemon was, until I got to that part. I didn't even stop reading either - I just kept going. It eventually became a triology of sorts and I read ALL of them, sometimes more than once.

YYH has literally shaped me to be who I am today and how I think/view the world. I'm legitimately thinking about buying this series, especially since it's only $20 for each season. They just came out on Blu-ray and since we're in talks about getting a PS3, that could also be a viable option.

YYH is no doubt my favorite anime. The uncut version is glorious. I'm pretty sure they censored most of it when it was on TV, especially since it was on at 6pm, so when I first saw the uncut, I fell even more in love. The characters are endearing; I'm jealous of their friendship/camaraderie.

I remember watching this at my grandparents' house and crying because the show can get emotional. Watching the intros on Youtube is like getting an adrenaline kick for me - I feel like I can kick ass and take names, which is exactly what I need right now when I'm feeling less than sure of myself.

Mega Rant/Vent

tl;dr: Jessica is frustrated with life.

I just need to vent and what better place than this.

I'm so tired of constantly having work pile up on me like a ninja. I'm so busy focusing on one, maybe two classes, at any one time, and then this other class, like a troll, waves at me and is just like, "Oh, you thought you could breathe for two seconds. Hm. You must be new. *THROWS ALL THE SHIT*" I'm just tired.

I have five chapters of math to do for tomorrow and a shit ton of videos to watch in order to do IVs and draw blood in lab tomorrow. Yes. You read right. I'm drawing blood tomorrow.

This semester is SO fast paced. Like, can't we slow down for two seconds? I feel like I BARELY even know how to do vital signs properly, because I'm not gonna loom over my roommates and be like, "hey, let me take your blood pressure." It's like, once I semi-grasp a procedure, we jump into another one. Um. I thought Nursing school was supposed to make me KNOW what I'm doing before jumping onto the next one. I feel like for the finals, which are random procedures that the professor tells you to do and also a head-to-toe assessment, are going to be the death of me. I'm going to fall incredibly ill during that week, because these teachers don't give a fuck.

What's worse is that none of the students do either. It sucks. Like, I feel like a complete loser because I don't know how to do these things confidently and I seem to be the only one that has a problem with not knowing. Maybe I'm stupid and everyone actually knows and thinks it's beneath them to care, but like.. I don't have a boyfriend or anyone I'd feel comfortable doing HALF of this on.

I'm not gonna pester my roommates, Blayn and his friends, or even other girls in the Nursing program especially to feel their femoral pulse. I wish I could take my own blood pressure, because I feel like I can't find people's pulse when the time counts. It's frustrating.

On the boyfriend topic, I think I had a bad dream last night, because I woke up and for some reason thought of Ricky and how he had helped me learn some of the bones and muscles when I took A&P2. So that frustrated me, because it was random as hell and didn't help anything.

Then the test I took today, I probably failed. I turned it in knowing it was probably the worst I've ever done on a test ever. It wasn't as bad as when I turned in my A&P2 final exam, where I legitimately cried in the classroom and in my car, but I still know I didn't do good enough. Then the teacher has the nerve to say that this is the easiest test and that the upcoming test, the one after fall break, the weekend I planned on spending with Austin since it's his birthday weekend, that test is going to be the hardest.

I basically feel like I'm going to fail and amount to nothing. I almost want to fail. I want to be able to do things I like. I want to be able to hang out with friends and actually enjoy my college experience. I don't even feel like moving on in Nursing if I can even graduate with a Bachelor's. I don't even feel like jumping through the hoops to be a CRNA. I'm just tired.

I want to lay down in bed and wrap myself up like a cocoon and sleep. I want to Rip Van Winkle this bitch and just sleep. I want to be able to play video games. I want to be able to breathe. My immune system needs to calm its tits, because I feel good and can function at some moments and then other times I feel like I'm trudging through mud and my nose is running like Niagara.

It's annoying. It's frustrating. I wish I was dating someone so I could fucking find the apical pulse without feeling like a creep. I want to be dating someone PURELY for scientific reasons. How sad is that. I don't even care if I like them or not... I just want to be able to use them as an anatomy dummy, so I can actually learn.

Also, I want ALL of my teachers to care. I mean, some of them do, but the ones that count, like my teacher for lab today, just doesn't seem to. I hate it. Don't talk about us and then expect us to know ALL the things, when this is the first time we're learning it. I feel like my brain can't take all this information. I don't even know where the information is going. I can't even formulate my thoughts, because my brain is mush.

I don't have anything to fall back on. I don't have some other secret skill to do. Nothing I enjoy in life is something you could do as a job. I like video games, but certain kinds stress me out to the point I can't play them. I like anime, but I can't draw for shit, I can't be a translator because I don't know Japanese. I could be a voice actor, but that's such a small field and I can't picture my voice going with ANY character I've ever read. I like animals, but thinking about being a vet almost makes me want to cry, because I love animals too much. It's like I don't have a niche and that alone is aggravating.

I picked Nursing, because I want to help people; to be the kind of nurse I'd want my Mom and Pap Pap to have, but I feel like I can't even get to that point, because my teachers are making it damn near impossible. I picked Nursing, because I want to be able to have a family life and have a semi-flexible schedule, yet still provide for my family. Assuming I'll even have the time to FIND someone to start a family with.

I feel like I'm having a life crisis right now.

I hear people talking about how they don't do ANYTHING and they just study. I feel guilty making plans for more than two days of a week that don't involve studying; I feel guilty about even contemplating on leaving for fall break when I have a test on Wednesday, the day we get back.

I can't even enjoy sleeping, because it feels like I'm blinking. One moment I'm settling for bed and the next I have to race to class. It's only going to get worse too. I just don't know. All of this sucks. I can't imagine dating anyone during this.. or having a job like some of the other girls in the program. That's probably the only thing getting my through: the fact that other girls have it worse than I do.

Which is sad to say and to think about, but it's true. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one that's flailing.

Oh, and can I just say how BIG of a problem it is that Allie keeps calling me like every single day. When I look at my calls list, she's pretty much the only person that calls me and I don't answer half of her calls. She stresses me out like it's nobody's business.. and she fucking did better than I did on the Foundations test, which pisses me off.

*any and all mad gifs*

Awkward Moment of my Life #349283

So, I met up with my parents to go out to eat for lunch. To be honest, I asked if we could meet up, because I didn't want to study for my two tests on Monday.. which is something I'm still procrastinating on even now.

We decide on Carrabba's because my mom has a coupon. We go in and sit down and, of course, we get this cute waiter. When it comes time to actually order food, my dad points at me and says, "Okay, ladies first." The waiter looks at me and I'm like, "mom can go first!" because I wanted to double check my order. Mom starts ordering and dad looks at me and says, "did you let mom go first because you aren't a lady?" I flip out and say no, which makes dad start laughing, which makes mom and the waiter stop talking and the waiter looks confused, which makes mom start asking why both of us are laughing. I wave it off and tell her to finish her order.

I start to say my order when I think she's done, but actually she isn't, which leads to me and dad laughing because mom is ordering something THAT complicated off the menu. I stop laughing long enough to tell him what I want, which gives dad a little bit of time to explain why I'm laughing so much to mom.

Dad starts telling the waiter what he wants and all of a sudden, my mom, being the silly dork that she is, starts obnoxiously laughing like Nelson from The Simpsons while my dad is ordering. Dad stops ordering and asks her what she's doing, and she says, "I'm laughing at you like how you and J were laughing at me!"

I begin laughing once again, because she continues to do this until my dad is done ordering. I'm covering my face and laughing to the point of tears, because this poor waiter has absolutely no idea WHAT is going on.

Whenever he would walk over to our table to give us drink refills, I would have to fight back laughing again.

That poor guy just got a glimpse into the Cespedes family life and is probably really thankful he and his family are semi-normal in comparison to our crazy awkward selves.

When I was younger, like up until I was 11 or so, I used to never be able to shut up when it came to music. I couldn't listen to a song without singing along and this happened no matter who was around or where I was. I used to sing all the time: to and from school with my mom/dad/brother in the car, while reading books (i could do both at the same time, I felt quite accomplished), in church, etc. I mean, I used to run around my house singing church songs from Sunday mass or from whenever St. Francis had mass, which was quite frequently.

I used to sing for my cousins whenever they asked and there's one moment in particular that I still vividly remember. One car ride from Busch Gardens with my cousins when I was super obsessed with Avril Lavigne, they were feeling really sleepy, so they asked me to sing a lullaby for them to sleep to. Me, being the awkward penguin that I am, picked the first song I could think of, which was "I'm with you" by Avril Lavigne. Clearly, I either sang it well or I sang it so horribly that they passed out, but by the time the song was over, they were all sleeping silently for the rest of the trip. I was 11ish, so that would make Josh 9 and Megan & Zack 7. I'm pretty sure if I sucked, they wouldn't have asked.

I feel the need to preface that I wasn't singing loudly like the song may suggest & I also didn't have any instrumentals, so maybe I didn't hit the notes quite right.

I stopped singing as much when I caught my mom creeping on me by sitting outside the bathroom door while I was singing in the shower. A point that I constantly remind her of, because now I'll only sing in my car or around friends, and even then, it's not like when I was younger. She feels guilty about it, but I was never really that good at it.

I remember trying out for Choir in middle school and it was a horrible experience, not because I had no voice, but because I felt like in comparison to everyone else, I shouldn't even bother trying. So I attended some meetings, but then just stopped going, because I felt like I didn't make any contribution to it and that I wasn't necessary. I still roll my eyes when my mom tells me that I was actually good at it back then, because there's a part of me that really believes I wasn't good at it and that I just pretended I was because I wanted to have a talent to call my own.

Then again, middle school in general wasn't a very good time for me, because I had such an attitude problem and all this energy that I couldn't put into anything, so I was pretty much a bad student who gave teachers grief. Dem teachers though were some real bitches.. let me tell you, but that's a whole other post :P

Nobody is going to see this coming!

I'm just going to say that this is probably my favorite song as of right now in my life.

It makes me feel all the things, but it doesn't hurt the way it probably should.

I remember being in Austin's truck for the last time before he moved away and this was all we listened to that day.

I don't know when I stopped making sense or when I felt content with not being understood.

I wanna drink horchatas... like right now. Watson & Ashley, can this be our next restaurant adventure? I'm pretty sure it's not alcoholic...