Hayao! :D

Hopefully the new blog layout doesn't make it too terribly difficult to read! Just felt like I needed a change and it still kind of fits with the whole sky image that I like/want.

I'm really, really tempted to go through my old blogs and delete the ones that are ENTIRELY too anger driven and shouldn't even exist on a means where people I know come into contact with them. When I get really emotional and hurt, I like to let everyone know about it, first and foremost, but then I also release all of that energy into unproductive ways.

Did I really gain anything by bashing someone online? No. True, I felt better afterwards, but its one of those things that doesn't really need to be said on a public place to be forever documented with my name and face on it.

Only reason I don't want to delete them is because they serve as an example of where I could use change and I accept that. I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm nowhere near perfect. I handle my anger through watching my parents: I harbor it, hold onto it, and then release it like no other hell fury. Yes, that's a part of who I am, but there's room there for some positive growth.

I have the hardest time being able to talk out my problems in a normal fashion. I get too passionate and don't know how to release it. It's one of my many child-like qualities, because I either take something way too personally or I'm so disgustingly indifferent to it that it looks like I'm incapable of emotion or that I'm ignoring what's going on around me. I can't seem to find a healthy medium.

Harboring those emotions within me isn't good; I'd end up belittling myself or just remaining stubborn in my negative thoughts. Writing them out isn't good; I can't write something and then not post it, so the whole write a letter and then burn it, wouldn't work for me. The thoughts behind the letter would still be on my mind. Yes, talking it out works, but when do I just stop emotion dumping on my parents? I don't like saying what's on my mind as it is and I don't have someone I can be 100% me around. I haven't found someone who can fulfill what I need and I'm okay with that. I managed to live 19 years of my life flying relatively solo, so I can mange some more :)

With classes going on, I really don't have time to focus on much else. Time goes by quickly and I'm just going to make the best of it. This year has been really awesome and I hope it continues to be that way! If I experience personal growth along the way, then I can finally say that my blog's purpose has been fulfilled =]