No Words =]

=P

Sleepy

Poem is in progress! I hate getting inspired while I'm in mid-drive, because I get into these moods where it just spouts out of my mouth. My ideas just flow out and everything makes sense, and then when I try to write it all out, it ends up convoluted into something else entirely! My creative genius cannot stand the stifling chains that is my driving!! Rawr, I dislike losing my original train of thought! But I got a lot of what I wanted written down, so maybe if I play with it a little more my IOU poem will be complete. (That poem from forever ago that I said I'd write, yeah, I'm talking about that one)

I beat Dragon Quest IV today! I still have post-adventure activity to do, but it's difficult and I'm excited for the new one!

"The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” (Elie Wiesel)

Just Around The Riverbend!!

I may have done a blog about this already, but just roll with me because I'm taking you to a game and place that you'll want to go to!

Dragon Quest IV: Chapters of the Chosen is one of the best RPG games that I have played recently, if not ever; it's a remake of an old NES game, now being sold for Nintendo DS systems. A new Dragon Quest has come out recently (IX!) which I've been eye-balling, but I've wanted to beat this game before attempting pursue another.

I found this game by going into Gamestops with Ricky while he's been searching/buying video games way before DQ IX came out. I was always intrigued by the poster due to Akira Toriyama's artwork (the Dragonball/Dragonball Z man!), however, I never looked into it or really played any of the Dragon Quest games before. Eventually with a little pushing and shoving on Ricky's part, he convinced me to buy a used version Dragon Quest IV on the off chance that maybe I'd like it and think about getting number 9 for the series when it'd come out.

It blew me away. Everything about it was refreshing. I loved the idea and concept behind the game: the fact that you saved in a church, the different culture variations among the people living in the world, the backstory for each of my characters slowly being revealed through gameplay. True, I was constantly changing characters during each chapter of the game, so when I leveled up one character to level 10 and completed their chapter, I'd be thrusted into new characters who start at level 1. But eventually, all of my characters came together to form around the hero: a male or a female predetermined when you start your game. It's a game solely dependent on a player's patience and drive to be the best. I've played my game for 47+ hours and I'm just about finished, but I've never gotten bored with the game. I never get tired of grinding my characters up so they succeed with flying colors against their enemies. My complaints would only stem from the fact that armors, especially, get exceptionally pricey at the end of the game: all armors and weapons were fairly priced, but the good stuff sold very high (35,000 coins for one armor that 4 of my party members could wear?). For every setback, there's been nothing but positives. For every coin that went towards the best weaponry, armor, helmets, what have you, there were plenty of monsters who provided lots of cash, as well as experience points. All of the characters are quirky, and if I delved into each personality and back story, I would be typing for ages.

Even the characters, I didn't like so much (I'm looking at you Borya and Maya!) grew on me in some aspect. The animation is brilliant, adding in 3D effects to create an awesome image. The game even incorporates surround vision, so you can alter the camera angle, showing you treasure chests and pots that you may not have found or looted yet because they were behind a house. The music has grown on me, despite the fact that the village music remained the same throughout each town. The music has become a part of me so much so that upon entering Gamestop today, I had recognized the advertisement for DQ IX playing on the television way before they announced the title.

I do not regret buying this game, especially at such a nice, low price for such a high quality game. I would gladly play this game over and over, and I haven't even fully finished the game yet. With two bosses to go, I'm already raving about it and I can't stop, because it's that good.

If I haven't sold you on this game yet, I can honestly say that you need to just try it. There's a little bit of something for everyone in the game: violence (obviously!), loyalty, dreams of aspiration, kingdoms, world cultures, tragic love, gambling, legends, prophecies, bittersweet revenge. All of this with just a band of genuine characters who never would have known each other except for their one common goal to restore peace, protect their families, right wrongs, and to fulfill their destiny as a legendary warrior.

Oh, and by the way, there's girls with bunny suits in the game. No lie.

I Want That Bob.

I WANT. (I'm totally into women, shh)

One of my greatest fears, but also one of my greatest wants, is to get a radical sort of hair cut. You know, the kind where people actually notice there's been a hair cut, or the kind that would limit my ponytail abilities (gasp!)

I'm a crazy party animal, I know. But, I've seriously thought about this a lot, and I've come to accept that I'm never going to be able to get a substantial hair cut. Why? I have no hair to begin with to get rid of.

I have extremely thin hair that looks plentiful due to my hair's natural reaction to humidity which is FRIZZ and POOF. I've had friends come up to me and ask me why I never wear my hair down; reason is that if I had it down, it would clump together in frizzy sections so I would look like A. a scrub or B. a Jamaican who has poorly done dreadlocks.

I would love to be one of those girls who wears her hair down more than once in a blue moon, and even then sometimes opts not to, because you know what, it's too damn hot to have my neck covered up by my flimsy hair!

My friends have always said I'd look so good with my hair straightened and all I have to say to that is, "No way! Why would I ever do that?! So the world can see how not nice my hair REALLY looks underneath the frizzy visage which is my hair!?"

I'm jealous of Ricky: he has nice, thick hair which will only end up wasted, because he's a guy who doesn't want to do girly things with it! Oh, the things I would do to it if I had been blessed with thick hair for my whole life! I had thick hair at one point and I did wear it down for a longggggg time, until you know, a girl suggested that I wear it up in 5th grade. And it all plummeted. I said goodbye to my headbands and hello to ponytail holders, and I'm really attached now!

Plus, I feel like I don't look old. This is such a superficial blog, but I want to look like I'm actually a sophmore in college, not like a high schooler (I don't even want to get into what grade I would be in..)

So I'll be pining in the corner looking at all these cute hair styles, saying, "But, but, but I want that too. Why does my hair have to be so fail!?" =(

(Side note: plus seriously, could ANYONE picture me without rocking the ponytail? I have a feeling I'll be a 60 year old grandma playing her Mario games in the living room, avoiding wearing pants as much as possible, and yelling at the television screen because Yoshi keeps dying on me. This all occurs while my old gray hairs. which have dwindled to three due to my extreme stress [YOSHI, YOU GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!], are pulled back in a ponytail.)

"Envy is thin because it bites but never eats." (Spanish Proverb)

[FULL CIRCLE. I LOVE FOOD.]

K.I.S.S.

WHY DON'T YOU DON'T KNOW!?

I sincerely loathe spiders, and this picture/quote like thing still made me laugh out loud when i first saw it! Now I just smirk, because I bet this is true for a lot of people. I personally have no opinion on this matter =]

"You’re mad. Bonkers. Off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret; all the best people are." (Alice In Wonderland)

It Hurts

Tread softly, dear readers, for I am wielding a seriously massive stick =P

That sounded so dirty haha

I had a very lackluster Sunday as far as Sundays go. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not special, and it's one thing to get that feeling when I'm depressed due to fighting, but being bombarded with it within the span of 4 days is too much for me to handle.

I accept that I'm not perfect and that I know being perfect is impossible. I don't accept the fact that my family makes me feel like crap indirectly. I mean, they probably don't mean to do it, but it hurts nonetheless. I hate waking up in an empty house with no note saying where they went and knowing that texting them will do no good. I hate that when they do text me - they forward texts to me. The only other person they would be texting would be my brother, whose opinion on things is so much higher than my own. Then when they do come home, they bought me chips from the store that I don't even like, as like a way to make it up to me. Ricky said that maybe Sundays are like their date day, but I don't think they have to alienate me and not tell me that's what the day is for.

I would rather pretend I have a life outside my own house, than have to stay cooped up inside all day. I know this is really petty to get so worked up about, but it digs up old feelings and sides of myself that I dislike. I get possessive and jealous, because I want to feel like I'm even a fraction of what my brother is. There's just so many examples that says I'm not, and this is one of them. It scares me because I want to prove that I'm worth attention and I feel like I have to convince myself that I'm special when everything else is pointing to me just being nothing but trash.

On another note, I think Facebook is eating what I post, and it's starting to piss me off, because I suspect Tom, the creator of Myspace, is upset because I abandoned him for FB.

"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ( Steven D. Woodhull)

Crash Into Me

In honor of Inception, I shall post an epic poem which is one of my favorites. I had this poem memorized as well as hung up on my wall right next to my bed so I could always see it. For some reason, it really inspired me almost because it made me question and challenge things myself. I can't help but believe in not only the movie, but also with the poem. I've spent a lot of Saturday nights alone in my room thinking about it and I've never come up with a good enough answer for myself, but I think this does everything justice.

"A Dream Within A Dream"

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep-while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

(The amazing Edgar Allan Poe)

Don't Wanna Be Your Monkey Wrench

I will not be your marionette--
your play thing when it suits you.
I will not be your spineless puppet
that bends to your every whim
whose sole existence lies within being played with.

What you don't know is that
sans your control, I will not be immobile.
For the soul that you have hacked away at,
burned, and tore, there will be a soul
full of vivacity and innocence that will revive.

My only wish is to be free from my chains,
to live life with all the joys and happiness that should arise.

I may be a marionette,
but you cannot control me anymore.

(me)

I exist, therefore I am

Ms. Day totally typecasts. I'm not just saying for the obvious traits, such as height or physical stature. I'm talking more of a personality sort as well. On the drive home, I went through all of my characters she's ever casted me for, and thought of similarities between myself and them. I never had a hard time being a character, because it was more like just being myself in some sort of exaggerated aspect. I mean, I'm not an actual Amazon warrior, but Hippolyta and I are like kindred spirits. I would totally chill with her in real life.

My first role was a miller in WORKING, whose purpose was to mill/press/make suitcases. It was incredibly difficult learning the choreography as well as remembering how to do it. I digress.

-- I'm an unknown entity to most who is just diligently working their way through life; I'm not quite sure if this is the point in life I want to be, but it's what I've got, so I give it my all.

Second role = Drunken soldier as well as a party guest in STORY THEATRE. I'm totally an alcoholic/party girl right? Well, not exactly.

-- I live for joy and laughter, and my friends mean everything to me. If I'm having fun with my friends, nothing else really matters, because I have everything I could ever want through their smiles. At the cost of my life, my family and friends always come first.
-- I'm a listener to most stories rather than the one telling them, because I know I'm not the best storyteller. I would much rather hear a friend tell a story than have myself try to describe the scenario, because I get too tripped up on the details. Due to this, I won't be in the spotlight as frequently as others.

In SPOON RIVER, I was two characters: Elsa Wertman and Ida Frickey. haha I have to admit that I needed to look up Ida's name, because nobody ever called me that unlike Elsa. Both characters were speaking from the afterlife about their, well, life. See what I mean about me not being a story teller??

-- I'm as naive and quietly proud as Elsa. I don't even know how else to say "quietly proud", but I would rather look at one of my achievements from afar and share the glory of that moment with myself and anyone who cares to listen. I naively believe what people tell me to be true, and some people have taken advantage of this aspect before, as I'm sure most people have experienced. However, Elsa was the sort of girl who never harbored hatred towards those who took away her cherished child - something I aspire to be.
-- I'm crazy and I have high hopes and dreams. I know I'm not the smartest, but I will get what I want in the end, because I'll continue working at it constantly.

ONCE ON THIS ISLAND, I was a plethora of things ranging from a kickass tree, to rain, to the wind, to a dancer, to a normal peasant.

-- I can be as cold as rain, as rooted as a tree, as fleeting as the wind, as spastic as a dancer (I would say elegant, but there was nothing elegant about how we danced in OOTI, especially during the song "Pray"), as relatively normal as a person.

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM, I was the almighty Hippolyta, Amazon warrior queen.

-- This one doesn't even need a reason why it's like me, but let's proceed anyway. I'm completely stubborn and headstrong - it really is my way or the highway. Sometimes I bend and I let my emotions, both negative and positive, get the best of me, but I wear my expressions on my sleeve. I'm not discrete about how I ever feel and I can't help it. I am who I am.

Last, but not least, THE THREEPENNY OPERA. We are almost to the close, and I'll admit this one is practically a stretch to make, but bear with me. I was Molly, one of the "sleepy girls" in the brothel.

-- I dress and act comfortably. there I said it! I would much rather be comfortable than to look like a hot hot mess by wearing a skirt that barely covers my butt. I also enjoy randomly saying facts like if it's raining outside or not, even though I sound like a dazed and confused girl!

Overall, I am me. My characters are all little parts of myself, and when they come together and with their powers combined, I am Jessica! So if I'm not what you want, then I really suggest going elsewhere, because I don't want to change for you. I'm perfectly fine the way I am and I have been for my 19 years of life.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who'll decide where to go." (Dr. Seuss)

Goodnight Moon

I tend to lapse between knowing what to write about and then forgetting it - possible sign of aging and almost being 19? Almost completely =P I need to start doing some memory games! Do little kids even play those anymore? I'm thinking no, because memory games are kinda old school. You never see them anywhere anyway, or maybe I'm just not looking in the right spots? I think Spongebob came out with one..

I think I'm gonna take up doing some artsy things like arts & crafts - I already know I'm planning on making my own dry erase board, since it's super simple and not that expensive! If that ends up working out, I'll have an awesome new erase board to replace my crappy one from last year, plus I'll try doing other little things. Eventually, I'll be this master arts and crafts person and everyone will want to know where I started. It all started with this blog (and an orange basketball, y'all)!

Grammar be darned right now, because it's still summer and I'm illiterate.

"Math doesn't teach us how to love a friend or forgive an enemy or pick ourselves up when we're upset, but it does teach us that every problem has a solution." (an Unknown Anon)

True Beauty

"I want everyone right now to think of the little things that have happened to them in the past week. More specifically, the people who have made you feel good for doing the simplest thing. Whether it be they were a good listener, someone who was there to relate, or even the people who complimented you that one day, and said your shirt was pretty, or that you had a nice smile. One little detail like that can change a life. We all go through difficult times and keep moving on. And there's a time in everyone's life where they feel alone. Some may even feel that life isn't worth all that they're going through. In these times, we think about the good things we have. And when we realize there isn't many, we think about the people that made us feel good. The people with heart. The ones who helped us out, and went out of their way to do something nice, for us. The worthless people we think we are. How could someone be so considerate? And why? You may not realize it now, but the small things count. And in a time when you feel completely alone, there is always someone who cares. Even if they don't even know who you are. I care so much for people I don't even know. I want to help anyone who feels as if they're not enough. Let me change your life, cause I promise I'll try. I love every person who has ever said something nice in my favor. They don't know it but they saved my life. No one deserves to feel like they're not good enough. No one deserves to feel like they're not loved. I want you all to remember that these little things our lives are what matter most. You might not remember who these people are, but you will remember how the things they did changed your life. Maybe even saved it." ♥

Chugga Chugga

haha I can't really think of anything to blog about! I feel like a dunce =P But I suppose, I'm gonna be the little engine that could and just try to endeavor to persevere through all of the tough stuff that comes my way!

Oh, and finding love on television is about as useless as attempting to win the lottery =]

“I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking Chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls.”
— J.K. Rowling

Meow Meow!

^^ This picture = a slight preview for the next poem that I feel like writing =]

I haven't started, but I got a title and a general idea of what I want it to be. Hopefully it goes over well and I get inspired quicklyyyyyy! The title is way too good to just keep to myself for very long =P

"He's more beautiful than I am, but he makes me feel like a sex bomb. I can't imagine what life would be without him." (Joanne Woodward)

Q&A

How far would you go to make a good impression?

I watched Meet the Parents tonight at Ricky's house, which was a first for his dad and maybe the fourth time I've seen it. Ricky's biggest complaint about it is that Ben Stiller's character is just constantly digging himself into a hole by lying to the family, because he wants to make a good enough impression on a group of people that could potentially be his in-laws. When we were watching the movies, he would shake his head when Stiller would blatantly lie and when his girlfriend would throw him under the bus by calling him out on things. It sounds really easy to be honest in that sort of situation, but when you're actually in that position, it probably is really hard to be completely honest.

You're trying to fit into a group that you don't really know anything about, except that your friend/significant other/whoever genuinely cares for them, so you want to try your best to appease them. First impressions say a lot about a person, and if you miss that moment, you get put into the spot of "oh, yeah, that guy".

I'll be the first to admit that I like to show my good/better sides when I'm first meeting someone, because I want to make a good impression. I don't shout at them my love for video games, Nintendo in general, manga & anime, or how I'm just an overall weirdo with all of these quirky traits. Instead, I try acting more "normal" and still retain a smidge of my sense of humor until I feel comfortable enough to mention things I actually like.

True, Stiller's character was in the wrong for lying, but there were plenty of people as equally in the wrong as he was. The girl's family could have been a lot more open and friendly, rather than a clique-y sort of group that is so tight knit that it's members exclusive only.

As much as I hate the characters' choices throughout the movie, I can almost empathize. Seriously, who wouldn't be intimidated by Robert De Niro being your potential father-in-law??

"Some things, however, are true no matter how hard you might try to block them out. A lie is always a lie, no matter how prettily told. Some doors, once they're opened, can never be closed again, just as trust, once it's been lost, can never be won back." (Alice Hoffman)

Ridin Solo

I hate when I can't find where a quote actually comes from. This quote is such a case, but it's perfect and amazing and eloquently good =]

"We live the life of an unfinished novel, still waiting to be written. Depending on how long we live, the longer the chapters. Depending on how interesting we are, the more we appeal to others. We're often judged by our covers. Sometimes, some people decide to just quit reading us. We're just forgotten until someone finds us. Our characters can develop throughout the novel, but our chapters can never be edited." (Unknown)

Political Etiquette

I'm really curious as to why Glenn Beck is a proverbial Satan. Okay, maybe nobody calls him Satan, but still, a lot of people, namely Democrats, don't like him for some reason.

I heard on the radio today that Democrats get more annoyed by yelling than most Republicans - it was some survey they conducted about daily annoyances/pet peeves; I'm not just pulling this out of nowhere, just go with it!

So maybe most Democrats don't like him because he sometimes raises his voice about things. I really just don't understand why else people would dislike him, if only because he is a Republican who is very opinionated who speaks his beliefs about things. I'm so close to posting a Facebook status about this, because I am genuinely curious to know what is so bad about him. Is it his beliefs? I don't see anything wrong with what Glenn Beck says; if anything not enough people are talking about the stuff he mentions, so it comes off as radical and makes people think he's just spouting because a Democrat is the president.

I really don't think he cares about Obama being in charge, as much as he cares about the fact the government is over-asserting itself and butting into our basic public life.

I don't know. I just don't get it.

"There are four questions of value in life: what is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same - only love." (Johnny Depp)

Almost Done

Secret #23: I've already looked at engagement rings,
but I realized I don't care about the ring
as long as you're the one putting it on my finger.

Can You Read Me?

I always loved reading Matilda when I was younger; I used to cuddle up in my parents' bed, because it was way more comfortable than mine was, and read it while everyone else watched TV in the living room. I would fall asleep while reading, but when I would read the book or watch the VHS, I felt like Matilda and I were kindred spirits. Both of our families were TV-oriented; Bart was favored by both of my parents since he was the older one; Dad was more of the disciplinarian; I loved reading. There were differences of course, because I never read classic books when I was younger - I just stuck with what I liked, which was Ramona books! Point still remains that Matilda is my homegirl and I wanted to have magical powers so I could be goofy around the house =)

"Sometimes Matilda longed for a friend, somebody like the kind, courageous people in her book. But it occurred to her that talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb, such people would only exist in storybooks." (Matilda)

To Infinity and Beyond

Words are a very, very powerful tool. One sentence can make or break a relationship, a reign, a tradition. The quote, "The pen is mightier than the sword," didn't just pop up because it sounds cute. Now that we've established and reiterated that words are strong and mean a lot with what you say. I could have gone over it more extensively, but I feel like it's beating the dead horse if I continue.

Let's take that lesson and apply it to females.

Yes, this is that kind of blog for today!! =P

Females are primarily known as the more emotional gender, because they are more likely to think with their emotions rather than through logic. I'm sure there are ladies out there who are as rational as a politician, but for the more part, we are emotional wrecks who cry when pushed far enough and we hold grudges like there's no tomorrow.

When you say something to a female while trying to act all manly or macho, please know that what you say can and will possibly be held against you, not the next day, but 5 years down the line when you've completely forgotten about it. Girls tend to not forget the little things you say, like when you say another girl is hot around her or when you say that you had "potentials" while you liked her. Given all of that information, insinuating or joking about a girl's weight is a no-go for most girls. Some girls can handle that very well, but you shouldn't joke about it if the girl tells you that it bothers her. No, you can't use ignorance as an excuse, because usually the girl mentions that her weight may possibly bother her, it's just the fact you don't pay attention enough.

I wish I could forget things people have said to me over my years of living, because some of it genuinely bothers me, but it's like I can't. It's some stupid barrier that I can't get over. Granted, I say stupid things all the time and I never take into consideration when something is bad. I feel like it's a no-brainer to avoid making comments about bad things like something that most girls have issues with. I don't think that's weird, right?

"I don't wanna be afraid. I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today, and know that I'm okay. Cause everybody's perfect in their usual way. So you see, I just wanna believe in me."

Don't, Don't Open My Door

seriously, don't. There was just a massive huge spider laying on the window of my front door, and I'm pretty sure I'm never opening that door again, let alone leaving the house out of fear of getting attacked by mondo spider babies.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is about one person in particular who, for lack of a better word, isn't very nice to me. Actually, rather than just focus on one specific person, let me just broaden this to people who seem to have a problem with me or just outright avoid me when I actually try to make an effort to "bridge gaps".

I'd like to think that I'm a fairly reasonable person who realizes when she acts out of turn or does something wrong. Me ignoring people? That I can understand if someone held a slight grudge over. Me not being around as much as people may like? This one's a bit of a stretch, but for argument's sake, I can understand someone being upset about this.

And yeah, I'm guilty of both of those crimes. I've ignored people who shouldn't have been ignored and I haven't been around for some people as much I could have.

What I don't understand is how someone could possibly have a negative opinion when they haven't even tried. So many people just get a negative outlook on someone for no real reason. How often do you encounter someone who just hates someone because of how they look? Probably everyone knows at least one person who does this. I at least learn and get a good idea on a person's personality before I start disliking them, because I'm not perfect and I do still have some qualms with people.

You can hate me as much as you want if you give me a reason why or if I give you a reason why you should. You can call me an idiot to all of your friends while you think I'm not there and just trash me, but please be a big girl and tell me you have a problem to my face. That goes to other people too: if you'd rather get revenge by ignoring me in order to feel good about yourself, then you do that.

I'll still be there, like I always was. So when you grow up and realize that you haven't been acting very mature, I'll be there and I won't complain or mention anything of it. I'll act civil, because I'm at least a decent human being, who does surprisingly, have feelings.

"Be careful. You can hurt with your words, but you can also hurt with your silence."

Hey There, Mr. Nightmare

Like a fleeting moment across the midnight sky,
you came into my life.
A casual hello with a sordid glance,
we were caught in an act
that we didn't quite understand.
A game of chance with drastic odds had
brought us together for reasons beyond our comprehension.

As heat lightning crashed,
our minds and thoughts collided;
our bodies became one with
your soul inside mine.

Never was an act so profoundly physical
without crossing the boundaries
than this quick and seemingly innocent game
woven of the most intricate web of intimacy
more delicate than a wilting flower.

And just as smoothly as you appeared,
you were gone in seconds, making me wonder:
were we a dream, or just a natural occurrence?

(written by me)

Heartstring Strain

Inspired to write a poem, so I'm expecting to post it soon within the next couple of days =)

I want it to be good and that's why I'm not just pushing one out tonight since I have a lot of it written already! Already know the title and everything. I'm not the best at writing poems, but when I get that inspiration kick, it's like I have to, even at the expense of sounding silly or writing something that's unexpected for me.

Oh btw, this picture makes my heart ache in all sorts of ways.

"Inspiration is like a baby. It does not choose a nice seemly hour to enter the world." (The Dreamers)

Mindful Self-Indulgence

Like Ricky is doing for his summer class, I will create my own little goal sheet. As embarrassing as it is to be posting it on the internet, if it isn't written down, I can ignore it. Then again, it's on the computer, so it could be ignored just as easily =P

Goals for the rest of the summer starting today:
1. Rock my Anatomy Lab Practical and Final Exam (yes, everything needed to be capitalized, because this is monumental stuff right here. No, I don't make sense, because technically it's not all in caps, so therefore it's not all capitalized. I HAVE AN ANATOMY FINAL IN A WEEK.)

2. Start doing Zumba 4x a week. It's only an hour for four days a week, but it's still intense exercise as far as my athleticism is concerned =P - I can only hope that I'll enjoy this and not want to just quit after the first day.

3. Lose weight. I'm not putting numbers on this, because honestly any decrease in weight will be received with open arms and huge smiles! It doesn't deserve it's own number, but for clarification's sake, I also want to maintain the steady weight once I've lost however many pounds it may be, by sticking to Zumba or finding something else to do in its' stead if I don't like it.

4. Tell my parents about my housing situation. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if they found out through my blog? Hi mom and dad!

5. Have an amazing 19th birthday =)
5a. I really should set out a plan on creative writing, because I kinda wanna do that for fun. I hate writing outlines.
5b. Because all outlines should never end with just one bullet point underneath it. Now I know why we had to write so many outlines in 5th grade - it's all brought me to this exact moment where I wrote up a very bad representation of a formal outline. I can just hear and see my 5th grade teacher's smiling face and laugh. *sarcasm hand is raised*

haha so 5 is just fluff, but the top 4? yeah, I gotta get around to that. It's kinda in order of priority, but knowing me I'll do it out of order somehow just to throw off the man. By the man, I mean, the man who watches everything you type aka TOM the creator of Myspace.

Ah, I miss those days =(

"There's always pressure from other people and yourself. We keep thinking up new things and finding better ways of doing things because we're not happy with what we're given." (Natalie Portman)

Irrational Paranoia

One of mine just so happens to be darkness and many things dealing with it.

It all started one dark and not so stormy night, while then again it was Florida during the summer time, but it most definitely was dark. I had just spent the day playing at my neighbor's house, and her mom was making us pudding when I was supposed to be going home. Who would pass up eating pudding though!? So me, the tiny rebel that I was when I was 6 or so, stayed way past my 6pm curfew. I just assumed it'd be okay since I was literally in the house right behind my own, but c'est la vie, it wasn't okay. Mom was freaking out so she sent my brother Bart and his best friend Phil to retrieve me and tell me to come home right away!

What we need to understand is my brother is 6 years older than me (I'm digging this number so far in this flashback!), so both Bart and Phil are 12, if I was actually 6. Intense math that had to be spelled out.

ANYWAY.

They came and told me that mom was gonna kill me if I didn't get home now, which completely blew my mind because I was only 3 hours passed my curfew, but imagining her rage scared me silly. Bart, Phil and I were walking across the massive backyard to get to our house in the pitch black mosquito-filled night when they both took off running ahead of me laughing, because that's what big brothers do: be jerks. Well I got scared because I didn't wanna be left behind, so I tried to run and keep up with them. I ended up losing my flip flops trying to keep up, and by the time I got inside the house, my feet and shins were all dirty and I was bawling my eyes out.

Pretty sure she didn't do anything about it either, except make them try to find my shoes with a flashlight, which they then started shining into my room while I was trying to sleep. Cue little Jess crying again because I thought ET was gonna come into my room and kill me. ET was the most scarring movie of my childhood, and even though he was "friendly" to the little boy, I always suspected him of going on a killing spree.

It's a wonder I made it out of childhood alive, since my fears are really bizarre and some of them can't even be rationally founded with logic.

I'm so screwed up, even Freud wouldn't love me =P

Don't You Forget About Me ♥

I can honestly say I've never really thought about this ^ but it's a nice and comforting thought considering the world we live in now!

When I was growing up, I could never imagine anyone liking me - not really because of a confidence issue, but because I always figured I was too asexual/a boy's girl, which sounds weird but I don't know how else to describe it. Finding out people liked me, an occurrence that's happened twice bluntly, always floored me since it seemed to come out of nowhere. I guess I've always been dense when it comes to other people's feelings!

Moral of this blog: If you like someone, say it directly and without fear. Last thing you want is a misunderstanding when it comes to how you feel =P

"Your heart is my piñata" (Chuck Pahlaniuk)

"So now I'm gonna move water!"

I don't know what's more funny: hearing mom trying to explain how she couldn't understand English-speaking actors by saying, "It's like speaking Pig Latin, but you're not really saying anything" OR seeing mom react to watching two par/below par movies in one day.

I'm thinking I have an idea where I got my goofy genes from, because she literally had my stomach hurting from laughter when she wasn't really trying to be funny =P

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." (Irish Proverb)

I'm definitely catching up on my sleep tonight too - I hate not getting enough sleep at night and being so super duper drowsy in the AM, but I'd rather get up than continue trying to sleep when it isn't working. Tonight, I shall sleep like a log =)

Summer

i would love to be able to get shoes like this, however I doubt I could find them in my size let alone in a store in my size.

With great height comes a major disadvantage foot wise, especially since little feet for girls is preferred to man's feet always. haha plus even if I somehow found these shoes, I wouldn't think it'd look very good - a little part of me will probably always be envious of girls who can wear these and look really cute while doing so.

I can't complain though - I got to ride rollercoasters way before most girls could =)

"You make my heart melt like a popsicle on the fourth of July." (Little Rascals)

UFC

nothing like men wrestling on the floor to give you a testosterone rush! =P

I was yelling and screamed at my guys to win the fight - I came out with a 5/9 success rate! it's probably my best, since I actually kept track this time around BUT I had a definite hot streak of being 4 for 4 then dad and Ricky pointed it out. I think it's fair to say they jinxed me because they couldn't handle my intense skills at picking my fighters!

Amen!!

god this picture is so much win.

so. so. true.

techies need some lovin too =]

Rain, Rain

The quote is precisely how I feel nowadays!!! haha I really couldn't have said it better myself and I'm glad someone could formulate my thoughts for me =P

"I feel as if life is a text-book class and my first assignment is to read and discuss the first 5,000 chapters. The lessons of life should be dispersed and evenly distributed - I'm being hit with many of the major lessons simultaneously. And it's scary as hell. I always thought I was mature, and I'm realizing that I have a long way to go before I have a firm grasp on what to do with myself. Like, most classes are taught chapter to chapter, build on your knowledge as you go. Lately, it's just been like, 'Wham!! Now survive.'" (Dayna Rae)