Last Day of March

The one thing I dislike more than doing busy work, like basically any math assignement on Course Compass (whoever created that program must be laughing their ass off) is having too much time and not knowing what to do with it.

I have a Chemistry test on Friday, and when it comes to Chemistry I'm slowly on the decline when it comes to just giving up on it but I'm also on the crux of understanding it because I keep looking at it. I can only study for so long though before I go literally crazy though, and I can never find something to preoccupy myself that I deem worthy of my time.

I just feel like I'm doing all these things just to pass the time because I don't know how else to do. Kinda like I'm going through the motions of my day to get to the part that I want to be at where there's no school and I can relax and talk to someone. No wonder I sleep so much!!

End of a post that makes no sense =P

"I'm thinking of moving the classroom into one that has seatbelts attached to the seat. That's how exciting this class will be." (Southard, talking about Statistics)

Possum!

One of the websites that I frequent was posting the theme songs of shows that used to run in the 90s, like Hey Arnold!, Rugrats, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, The Power Rangers, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Talespin, Doug, Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Animaniacs, Pokemon, Ghostwriter, Gargoyles, etc.

What was my favorite TV show from the 90s with, what I believe to be, the best theme song?

Sailor Moon.

I loved watching Sailor Moon; I still watch it from time to time, because I have some old school VHS's of it! I have maybe 6 episodes on VHS, and I got the three movies that came out too. I love Sailor Moon. I admired all of the characters. I never found Serena annoying; I had a crush on Darien/the Tuxedo Mask; I thought Raye was badass before Lita came along and basically become my idol; I loved how Amy was so smart and intuitive; I never really had an opinion on Mina but I really liked her powers because one of them was a whip of hearts =P

I LOVED Luna and Artemis - it made me want a cat that could talk and that was so adorable looking! So when I did get a cat, me and her were the best of friends. I trained her to be like one of the cats from Sailor Moon, so I could feel like maybe one day when I grow up, maybe I could become one.

I mean, if we want to compare looks and practically personality type, I almost match up to Lita, Sailor Jupiter. So I'm going to make a list of qualities she has and if I have them.

• She's strong and independent; I would like to think this is true for myself.
• She's tall; to me this is a no-brainer.
• She wears her hair in a ponytail; do I need to ask if I do this too?
• She's extremely loyal and will believe in her friends, even when others don't; I'd like to think I'm like that since I stubbornly will defend my friends and their actions, even now.
  
• She's a good cook; I know I don't have this in common =(
• She's busty; me, not quite.
• She's known for being boy-crazy; I kinda used to be known for this, but not to the extent of Lori.
• She's tomboyish, but at the same time very feminine too; to me, this is practically spot on, because I enjoy a lot of "guy things" but still will react like a girl if I see anything cute, like a kitten or a duck =)
  
• She's the toughest of all the Sailor Scouts; I just think this is badass haha.

Lita is the epitome of amazingness. Instead of doing this blog, I should have been doing homework or studying, but I feel like this had to be done.

Procrastination is Bliss

I'm not quite sure if Dr. Seuss himself wrote this, or if a guy wrote it like Dr. Seuss would, so let's just pretend they both collaborated together to make this! It's cute =)

If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer

Here's an easy game to play.

Here's an easy thing to say.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a part,

And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort.

And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,

And the double clicking icon puts your window in the trash,

And your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash.

Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?

What a shame, sir!

We'll find you

another game, sir!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house

Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse,

But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,

That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side affects of Gauss,

So your icons in the windows are so wavy as a souse,

Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,

Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,

And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC.

Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.

Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

♥

It's so fun to read =P

Mmmbop

If you had the opportunity to leave whatever hurt you behind you, would you? If you were at a point in your life where nothing felt like it could be changed, and hope was disappearing daily, would you leave everything behind? Or maybe some people would want to leave just for the sake of leaving and having a new change of scenery. But I always wonder how many people would do this.

Think about it. Think of how many people's lives would be so much different if they really did do this and ran away from their problems. Think of all the changes in your own life that would have happened, all the circumstances that could have been avoided and what new problems could have laid before you.

I think if I had the opportunity to see how the alternate reality me was doing, I would. I would love to see what would have happened to me if I didn't tell Ricky that I liked him when I did. Maybe there wouldn't have been an us, and maybe I would have met someone else that would play his part. One day my curiosity will get the best of me, but I can't help but constantly wonder. I wouldn't change anything that's happened. I just want to know how things would have been had I not made the choice I did.

I always would wonder when I was little how many memories I erased when I made a choice, because it was like eradicating a path I could have gone down. I didn't do this, so this couldn't happen to me. With every choice we make, endless possibilities lay before us and I'm so inquisitive about what the AU Jess is up to right now.

Maybe she's out partying or spending time with her family. Maybe she's actually friends with her roommate or studying more for her classes. Maybe she isn't different at all. But that's one thing I can never find out and I want to so badly. Not for any other reason except the fact that I love watching life unfold and it's something I ponder about from time to time in the crux of when I fall asleep to during my everyday life.

Oh, btw. Girls are sluts =P

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." (Ellen DeGeneris)

I love having excuses for putting pics of myself up =P

For what feels like a really long time, I would get really self-conscious and beat myself over my.. measurements I guess we could say. I would love to say pre-boyfriend, I didn't have these issues, but I kinda did; they just weren't as prevalent or on my mind as they have been lately.

I always hated the fact I seemed disproportionate: small up top but curvy hips. You can imagine my disdain for dress shopping and clothes shopping in general, so I always just bought baggy clothes because it was way easy to do that than to go through the torture of not "looking good in anything that was actually form fitting."

I have the worst self-esteem issues, and a lot of them are unwarranted but they still happen, whether or not because of the comparison between Ricky and I or anything else like that. But one major facet was always my bra measurements - I'm not really ashamed of my size but I always hated being lumped into a category of girls that are known for being flat chested. I'm not flat - there's clearly 2 things there on my chest, but I'm not like va-va-voom voluptuous where I can wear a tank top and all you see is the cleavage furrrow of my bosom (bio humor ha!).

I feel like by society's standards, I should be a B or more. That me being an A makes me inferior, because honestly, how many girls in movies are ever a size A and also attractive looking that end up getting the guy in the end. All that's popped in my head is Keira Knightley, who is one of my favorite actresses. Why? Because she doesn't sell out and just buy implants. She's attractive the way she is, and she works around it. True, she's not disproportionate like I am, but she still looks good.

Point of the matter is, I'm tired of hearing about 18 year olds getting breast implants as Christmas presents, graduation presents, or anything like that. I'm just physically against everything that's fake that people, mainly women, are buying into these days. "Want to lose wrinkles in your face fast? Get some Botox!" "Tired for being known for being 'less than a handful' with your boyfriend? Get some implants!" "Tired of that stubborn belly fat? Let's suck it out with our handy dandy vaccuum!" Which if that doesn't paint a funny picture, I don't know what will.

I wish people were more accepting of things out of their control. I'm pretty sure there are no cures for small boobs or other imperfections of the skin. I'll admit when I hear products on TV that will decrease appetite or make you lose weight fast, I wanna call in and get my free sample that's being tested on people to become FDA approved. I'm just as insecure as every other girl and guy on the planet; yes, guys are insecure too. I wish society wasn't shoving the ideal down our throat of "bigger is better." Maybe it is better, but I'd much rather have what I've been given, then go out of my way to spend money for something fake, for something that I would always know is fake, for something that if my little girl looked up to me and said that when she grows up she wants to have a chest like me I would always feel like crap because that wouldn't be natural on me.

I hate how girls will do these things to get attention.

Listen, if a guy doesn't like you because your "boobs are too small", he's a jackass in the first place. Why would any girl want attention like that from someone who shouldn't even say something like that to anyone? Same with girls, although I don't think guys can change their sizes. But seriously? Are relationships really just going to boil down to being the biggest and having the biggest? If standard relationships are just gonna be like that, I would much rather live alone and be a crazy cat lady then have to subject myself to feeling like crap over things I can't change.

I can't change the fact that my chest is slightly small for an 18 year old girl, especially when looking through society's eyes. I can't change the fact that I have big hips, I really can't - I could lose as much weight as I wanted there, but the fact of the matter is, my hips are made for birthing babies and that won't change with exercise or dieting or the super pill for the gullible idiots that buy into advertising.

I hope to one day be completely okay with myself and not beat myself up for things. I really wanna be that type of person, so I'm trying.

Oh, and just so we're clear. Anyone that says women buy implants "for themselves", that is such bull. Women wouldn't want implants if there were no men here. The Amazons were completely fine with just having one. Wanna know why? Because they were way too BA to worry about appearances.

"We're women. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it." (Sliding Doors)

Jordan, Get Your Ballsack! =]

I basically saw the best play of all best plays, ALL THE GREAT BOOKS (ABRIDGED).

Everything about it was perfect: the lighting changes, the sound (which was at times wonky but I'm not complaining at all!), the millions of props used (from literally all of the books, to the chalkboard, to the horsies, to the wigs, to the Mosquito mask, to the Beo-Wolf mask, etc.), to the brilliant acting of three actors as they tackled the books that English classes shove down our throats without a care in the world!

They could convince me of anything - they are just fantastic, I wish I could watch their plays over and over again because it makes me laugh and smile so much, especially when I know what they are talking about =P

Plus, plus, plus! I talked to Jordan Wilson, one of the three actors before the show started, and I almost died when I realized it was him! It was amazing. I'm so glad I could go! My company wasn't bad either =P

I'm speechless at how great it was. I can't even formulate sentences to describe what happened. I believe Ricky had it right when he said this, "Jesse St. Louis is all about shoving his dick into people's faces, and Jordan - Jordan is all about being a little kid and cross dressing."

But we can't end a blog without praising Jesse and Brent, since I'm still giddy about talking to Jordan - I loved when Jesse and Brent were doing Don Quixote in their Spanish dialect with Jordan translating into English. The three make quite a trio =)

God, I love these plays. I would see them every night if I possibly could.

Plato.

Achoo!!!

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." (Annie)

You can paint with all the colors of the wind ♥

"Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon, a beauty bomb and every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air, explode softly and send thousands, millions of little parachutes into the air, floating down to earth, boxes of Crayolas and we wouldn't go cheap either.. not little boxes of eight, but boxes of sixty-four with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest, and people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination." (Robert Fulghum)

It can't be that complicated

How hard is it to remember the name Jessica? It's a fairly common name - think about it, I bet everyone knows at least 5 Jessicas. At the very least, people know 5. I'm pretty sure I'm friends with more than 10 on Facebook, but I'm not gonna check that.

It's like forgetting people forgetting their age. When you're older, that's understandable, because at a certain point in life you stop telling people your real age and around then your memory starts to go. But seriously? My name is Jessica, not Jennifer. I don't even like the name Jennifer - I have nothing against the name, except that it is not mine and I hate being called that.

Jessica does not equal Jennifer.

On that note, why are all the good video games never centered around mainly a female protagonist? Do girls not like to play video games? Clearly, I'm in the minority on that one as well, seeing as how I think knowing and getting a person's name right is important and shows that you actually care about the person, but I digress. Most video games have the option of a girl being the protagonist, for example: Mass Effect, Saint's Row, Jade Empire (since those are the games I know off the top of my head that offer female protagonists but its not the standard choice). But rarely are their games of just girl protagonists that are actually, ya know, emulatable - which isn't even a word, but I want a character I could actually somewhat be. Since I'm not Lara Croft, I have no character I can relate to, except Daisy from Mario.

Speaking of which, right external carotid arteries located on the right side of the neck do not stretch, for those of you who are curious about that and wonder why it's not like Twizzlers, which taste disgusting.

I hate cherries.

"It is about waking up and realizing that at some point in the past, we've gone to the toilet and thrown up our dreams, without even realizing that society has stuck its fingers down our throat." (Bukowski)

Why, hello there, Mr. Lovebug

I remember when I was just learning how to talk, one of my first sentences and also what my parents joke about being my first word (not quite sure on the accuracy of that statement though) was me trying to quote Thumper from Bambi when he says, "Eating greens gives you long ears and great big feet!" But I'm pretty sure when I said it, it was just nonsensical stuff but at the very end of the line, I would throw my hands up in the air and scream "EET!"

I almost wish my parents recorded me doing this, although I can remember doing it. I just think it'd be goofy to watch little Jess speaking baby talk and getting so excited over something so small.

I used to watch Bambi and other Disney movies religiously, as well as other more obscure movies, like The Thief and the Cobbler, Totoro, Gay Purr-ee, Fievel, etc. Disney movies practically raised me. Dad would put in whatever movie I felt like watching at the time into the VCR machine (I still have a majority of the VHS's except for the Little Mermaid one, and I'm almost positive we had one of the "special" boxes with the picture on it! I was so upset when I found out there was a hidden picture on it, only to find out my mom had sold it) and then he would fall asleep on the couch as I sat right in front of the TV gazing up at it. I would be sitting on my baby blanket with Minnie Mouse all over it, watching princess movies and every other movie imaginable, over and over again. I would be content watching the same movie more than twice a day, in fact I was thrilled at the thought! I would put the VHS in our dandy VHS rewinder that resembled a car, and once that was done, I'd put it back into the VCR to enjoy the cinematic adventure again =P

I miss those days a lot - I think everything was much more simple when it was just a girl, her baby blanket, and a bunch of Disney movies to provide her entertainment =)

^ totally rhymed, completely unintentional

Flower: "Well! What's the matter with them?"
Thumper: "Why are they acting that way?"
Friend Owl: "Why, don't you know? They're twitterpated."
Flower, Thumper & Bambi: "Twitterpated?"
Friend Owl: "Yes. Nearly everyone gets twittepated in the springtime. For example: You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop and you completely lose your head!"
Thumper: "Gosh, that's awful."
Flower: "Gee whiz."
Bambi: "Terrible!"
Friend Owl: "And that ain't all. It could happen to anyone, so you'd better be careful. It could happen to you.. or you, or even.. yes, it could even happen to you!"
Thumper: "Well, it's not gonna happen to me."
Bambi & Flower: "Me neither."
(Bambi ♥)

Slam Bam, Thank Ya, M'am =P

I remember when I was younger I always took it really hard when I lost people in my life. I still do, but I couldn't handle it at all when I was younger. They used to always be on my mind and I would always wonder "what if things were different" and wonder where I would be in they were still around. I don't think about this very much anymore, because I'm happy things have turned out the way they have and I have a boyfriend who loves me and wants to be with me.

I always hated when I liked someone and I felt like I was being taken advantage of when they would treat me like crap. They never knew I liked them, because I was never brave enough to admit my little feelings to anyone. Whenever the pain became too immense to deal with, I would always try my best to forget them and move on with my life. With some people, it was easier than it was for others. I just get so emotionally attached even if the emotions that were there never used to be strong in the first place. None of this makes sense because I'm being incredibly vague.

But I know I tried getting over Ricky countless numbers of times and that that is what makes him different than every other guy. Whenever I liked a guy and I hated getting jealous and hurt every day, I would just get over it. It was that easy to forget about them. I can't see why I liked a majority of the people I did but I think it boils down to the fact that they were nice to me once, and I just ran with it, or I assumed they liked me, so I'd like them. My feelings for guys never used to make sense, they just kinda happened haphazardly.

Then when I started to like Ricky, I was kind of in a weird time in my life where I was getting over someone while falling for Ricky, and I had to actually sit down and think about it. Not really think about which one I liked most or anything like that, but if my feelings for Ricky were actually legitimate feelings and not the usual, "oh, wow he said hi to me so he must like me." It's a big reason why whenever Ricky was apparently actually flirting with me, I never caught it. I wouldn't let myself run with my emotions and get hurt again by assuming.

I would get jealous of girls talking to Ricky back then, but say to myself, "well, if he likes her then he can have her." Then I would try to avoid him to get over him, like I could with other guys. Problem with that was I couldn't. I was always drawn back to him or that was the time he would seek me out to chit chat. He would always do something to bring my feelings back, which let me know that he was different, that maybe I could take a shot on him and end up unscathed for the most part once the dust settles. As much as I wanted to get over him, I never could because without my knowing it, he gradually became more important to me, like he was slowly pushing his way into my life more and more. Next thing I know, badabing badaboom, there Ricky was smack dab in the middle of everything and there was no way I could get over that.

And here we are =)

"Sometimes you love and you learn and you move on, but that's okay." (Anonymous)

Why don't you remember me! I mean remind me..

It's incredibly true =) I'm really excited to be changing with you - if that makes sense and that you won't twist it! I'm proud you trust me and I'm happy to be trusting you too! You can add anyone you want to on Facebook, and I truly mean it, I trust you and I know that you wouldn't hurt me like that. Plus if you ever did hurt me like that and blindside me like that, I won't be held responsible for the damage done to your body (plus imagine all the possible STDs you'd get from her.. or anyone else! haha)

Joking aside, I really do trust you and I love you so much! It feels like there's change coming and it doesn't feel like bad change - I wish I could think of something to describe it and the only thing coming to mind is Pocahantas singing "just around the river bend". =P

"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." (Robert Frost)

Always and Forever

"At the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee..."

Even when I'm not in the musical and I've already graduated from the school, I will always get the musical's songs stuck in my head. Can't wait to see the play again tomorrow! I love watching it - tomorrow will be my fifth time observing the play and I'm excited =)

"Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." (Johann von Goethe)

I'm Not Knocking You

Down

but I'm not going to knock you up either.

The Man He Killed

As I sat in the cafeteria wallowing in self pity because I was once again at the wrong place at the wrong time and heard something I would have been better off without hearing because my kind constitution can't fathom unwarranted dislike, especially when finding out someone dislikes me or at least doesn't respect me and it's like, "where did that come from?", I ate a fortune cookie.

That sentence makes no sense, but let's go with it.

I opened my fortune cookie, eating only 1/2 of it, and noticed that my Chinese word was gooseberry, and I never know if the words in the parenthesis are how to say it or how it's spelled. My fortune said, "I would rather attempt something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed."

Granted, it's more of an aphorism than a fortune, but it's still difficult to actually think like that. I personally would much rather attempt at nothing, especially in the situation I was in, because I'm really hurt by everything because I actually tried on someone who wasn't reciprocating it, or at least that's how I saw it. I'm too nice of a person to confront them about it ever, although I really want to and wish all sorts of negative things down on them (jokingly mostly).

But I do agree with the statement. Cue Jessica's hypocrisy time. As much as I hate how painful this experience is, that is exactly what this is: an experience. I'm going to end up getting burned by people I wouldn't expect to be hurt by, and maybe this is a precursor to better prepare myself next time. Although, I'm pretty sure that's not the message I'm supposed to get from this, I'm notoriously known for learning the wrong lesson. I can only hope that it works out in the future, and I guess that's all I can really hope for at this point, because I'm kind of done trying on a lost cause =/

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." (Carl Jung)

Down the Rabbit Hole

Hm, I don't think it turned out too bad! I wrote it on the car ride and got random inspiration from listening to my Angels & Airwaves CD =) It's obviously based on Alice in Wonderland. I quite enjoy it though ♥

Silly Alice, you're not in Kansas anymore.

Welcome to Wonderland,

Population: your imagination.

Your mind's devoured more than it can chew.

It captivated and captured all that surrounded you,

never satiated until you had consumed everything like a hungry spider.

You say you're falling down the rabbit hole -

did you never stop to think that you might be broken?

Silly Alice, did no one ever tell you that you're crazy?

Dreaming of talking rabbits and beheading -

it's no wonder you weren't told roses can't be painted red.

your psyche wouldn't be able to handle it,

gentle like petals and fragile like the stem.

Kansas never existed; you were never there.

You're ripping by the seams,

so stay in Wonderland and deny everything.

Sill -

This was a poem that I wrote through Sadie's POV from All The King's Men. I'm hoping to be able to write more poems like this, because I've always been really proud of it and it's something that I always enjoyed doing. I wish I could remember the exact requirements, but I'm pretty sure I had to utilize book quotes about the character in order to write a poem about them. Now if only FGCU can get a poetry writing class, although this doesn't rhyme at all =P

Maybe he was born on 'em,

The ropes of life--

Constantly fighting like the sap he was.

And maybe this was what I wanted all along--

I wanted Willie to die.

I built him up single handedly

and wanted him to fall.

With my compulsive suggestion to Duffy

and a pack of cigarettes--

I killed Willie Stark.

When it was all over he would have left me anyway,

Whether it was for that Lucy

or that high and mighty Stanton woman.

So what if he was on the ropes?

Aren't we all?--

Oh wait, there's that Eagle Scout

Do-good Samaritan Jack.

We all know he can do no wrong.

No sins, faults, or swaying

when it comes to Scout Master Jack Burden.

This has been in the damn making since Day One,

Since he even agreed to play

in this warped game of Russian Roulette.

But I pulled the trigger--

Indirectly or directly,

I don't give a damn.

Willie's dead due to my hand.

The dice were loaded

and the horsemen were in place.

Pushing Humpty Dumpty off that wall was no feat.

He was asking for it.

He never fully appreciated me--

If he ever did, I would be surprised.

I was never enough for him--

He would never leave that Lucy for

a real woman like me.

Even after he's dead and six feet under

he still has his seersucker suit hands around me.

Even after all these years

that sucker still clouds my thoughts.

No matter where I go,

the only one damn thing for sure I know--

that Willie Stark, that complete sap--

He will forever haunt me until the inevitable end.

Time is closing in.

The hourglass is just about out.

All those packs of cigarettes never made the Boss disappear.

The great irony of it all?

Those cigarettes ended up killing me slowly,

Making my lungs disappear rather than his apparition.

In my last few hours, I had to share this.

With someone, with anyone--

And I still kept my word to Jack Burden,

I never did tell a soul 'till I told you, Sill.

You're all I got in this world I can call family.

I dug my own grave

and I'm gonna lay in it.

I'm sorry that'll never change

I haven't been sleeping well very much lately, which bothers me to no end. I love sleep so much - I used to be able to sleep for 10+ hours at a time; going to bed really late and waking up really late was something I always enjoyed. Now since college and other circumstances, I haven't been sleeping for as long of times, but my sleep hadn't been disturbed by anything.

For the past month, I've been having bad dreams every night. Well, at least it feels like it's every night. Some nights are worse than others - I had about 5 one night and remembered a part of them vividly. Due to my lack of good sleep, I've been taking naps during the day and having normal sleep where I don't know if I dreamed.

I just wanna be able to sleep well again without having to worry about getting bad dreams consistently. It almost makes me not want to fall asleep anymore =(

"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." (Edith Wharton)

It's Pi Day!

Purple prose is a magnificent addition to society as a whole. What could be better than expressing yourself so eloquently and pragmatically, as the prose that which is purple in origin and pulchritudinous in speech? It's like eating a mandarin orange on a hot, blistery, summer's eve under a canopy of flowers: daisies, daffodils, marigolds, irises, honeysuckle, toadflax. Smelling the sweet aroma of a nectarine as the sun kisses the horizon and bids it adieu until the next morn when it will brush the succulent coast with its radiant beauty. With such a majestic scene playing out before your very orbitals, which we use primarily for our visionary misadventures, how could one not revere the pure simplicity of such poetic language as this?

I practically have to bridle myself from the sheer ecstasy of the moment that I am now encompassing, for my feeble mind cannot grasp the alluring, sublime nature of such an articulation as purple prose with its vast emporium of panache.

"Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted." (Sylvia Plath)

Uh-Oh, Spaghettio!

If I ever give you any advice, this is it - live happy. That's all you need to know. Through all the hard times and all the struggles, has any person ever persevered because they sat around feeling sorry for themselves? The answer to that is no. When faced with difficult situations, rather than mope and whine, make the best of what you have and live your life to the fullest. You're most likely to regret the time you spent waiting for something to happen and that time can be put into something you enjoy doing. You don't need other people to make you happy. Quite the contrary, you need to make yourself happy first and foremost before you can expect anyone to give you the happiness you expect in return. Think about it: how much fun have you had recently? Why? Because you expect other people to make your fun. Have fun for yourself. Be the life of a party; don't expect the party to make your life.

Finally, something everyone should remember, but rarely does anyone, there are millions of people in the world who are worse off than you. People living in poverty, people who don't own cars, never mind reliable ones. People who don't even have access to a desktop computer, never mind owning a digital camera or a camcorder. There are people who can't even afford to see one movie in a theater, never mind an entire home theater system. So many people would die to be in your shoes, but you know what? I've never seen people be more happy and appreciative than those people.

I see so many people not being thankful of what they have and that's just the material items. Besides that, how many people get bullied and are neglected and told no one loves them. People with boyfriends or girlfriends or simply loving families often take for granted how lucky they really are. Not everyone that is fortunate to have people who have their back and will hold their hand through hell and high waters.

I guess, in general, this is a message to anyone who is upset because something in their life didn't go their way. This is to the people who are selfish and forget that money can't buy happiness. Learn to live without material items and learn to deal with the curve-balls life throws at you. Nothing in life is fair: it's one hurdles after another. But if you constantly cry and whine because you didn't get what you want, life's going to seem a whole lot tougher than you'd like. Make the most of what you have, what you've received, and what you've earned, because not everyone is so lucky.

"A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds and mopes. A philosopher sees both sides and shrugs. An optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them." (Leonard Louis Levinson)

^talk about alliteration Leo =)

Pop the Bubble!

Whenever I eat Skittle, I always segregate the flavors into their own sects. Purples with the purples, greens with the greens, reds with the reds, yellows with the yellows, orange with the oranges, and now I think I'm just making up flavors for Skittles! I'm pretty sure I've always done this because I'm completely obsessed with saving the best for last. Naturally the red ones are always consumed last, sometimes first, but rarely ever at random. I subconsciously separate the colors, because I know what I like and I can't help it.

The few times I won't divide up the colors is when I'm doing Skittle shots, which are very delicious and a fun form of competition which I excel at =] I can't really remember how or why we started doing Skittle shots, but it happened during junior year lunch. We would go and buy a pack or two of Skittles and then bring back a lot of the little ketchup containers to our table. Evenly dividing Skittles, we would count to three and chug them and whoever finished eating them the fastest won - I was the reigning champion! It really hurts your jaw though after awhile if you put in too many in the cup, but it's totally worth it to participate in.

"I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours." (Bob Dylan)

L-O-V-E

I'll tell you what the end of the world will be like. It will be a final moment; both terrible and heartbreaking. Absolute chaos. People running as fast as they ever have, cars filling every road and freeway, phone lines backed up trying to process millions of calls, fingers flying over keyboards, thumbs texting like rapid fire, long lines of people trying to cram themselves into subways and airplanes. All of them trying to tell someone else, "I love you". It's not the end of the world yet, but don't wait until then to tell her. The worst thing isn't the end of the world; it's what you didn't finish, what you didn't say when you had the chance.

Pandamonium

I went and saw my old high school perform a rehearsal of The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (that's a mouthful =P) and I had a lot of fun! I love when people can recognize me and it's kinda like picking up a friendship like it never ended in the first place. It makes me really happy and I get an almost fuzzy feeling inside when it happens. I love seeing people smile just by looking at me. I love when people notice me and make a big deal out of it, unlike at college where I'm kind of unknown.

Although I hate being unknown there, I wouldn't know how to socialize with a majority of the school: I don't drink and I don't smoke anything. That alone cuts the people I could hang out with at least by half, although I'd agree that a majority of FGCU is into that sort of scene.

It just really made me feel good. It was like nothing's ever changed and that I'm the same old Jessica as I've always been =)

"Maybe some people should be around your entire life, and others should just make an appearance." (Greek)

Call me Mr. Flinstone, I can make your bed rock ;)

Right when I read this quote, it made me smile. I'm going to ignore the fact of who said it and what they are involved in, because I think the quote is really beautiful =)

"You may not be her first, her last or her only. She loved before, and she may love again, but if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes; hold onto her and giver her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." (Bob Marley)

Capache = ca-peech in Italian according to Ricky =P

I think Ricky secretly enjoys stressing me out. He knows I'm in a constant state of worry over everything even if it doesn't pertain to me personally. I worry about him and his dad and all the little things that go along with them; I worry about my parents and what my friends think of me; I worry about the people that I work with for school. Not to mention that I worry about myself, my grades, what my living situation will be in the fall, the fact I may or may not get into my program because they only accept 50 people, and all of these other things.

But then dear Ricky comes and adds to the pile! I think I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for not going postal and destroying things. So, Mr. Obama, get on that for me, will ya? You seem to know the people that could hook me up with one. Oh, by the way, I'd also like a trip to Moldaur, maybe stop by Venus for awhile, if that's not asking for too much. You do that for me, and my associates and myself will keep your true identity secret, got that? Thanks.

"There is a condition worse than blindness, and that is seeing something that isn't there."

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

The worst possible thing someone can do is just be. We should all be striving to be better than we are, or at the very least striving for some goal in life. The way I see it, we limit ourselves daily when we won't or don't try to achieve anything. From obtaining the courage to reveal your feelings, to telling the truth, to overcoming obstacles - any possible change can only be a good one. Every negative change brings out a positive. Humans should always strive for self-actualization where they find out what their true purpose is in life; if they don't, it's almost as if they weren't alive in the first place.

"I realized something today: zero is a neutral number. It isn't an addition to anything, but it doesn't take anything away either. Zero took the easy way out: not choosing a side, not stating its opinion, never raising its voice or standing up for what it believed in. It never caused any problems, but it never amounted to anything either." (Unknown)

I Need You Now ♥

When you're together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone isn't around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love. Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you back a long time ago to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call; at that moment, you are in love. If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love. When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend," but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

While you were reading this, someone appeared in your mind, then you are in love with that person ♥

Get Out of Here

I'm getting sick and tired of terrible drivers. No, I'm not talking about the snow birds that never seem to actually leave Florida. I'm talking about the aggressive ones that are aggressive for the sake of being jerks.

I was driving south on 41 going not only the speed limit, but also 5 mph over it, just to have some jerk tailgate me. He didn't do that for long however, because he realized I wasn't going to go over the speed limit anymore than I already had, so he decides to pass me. By passing me, I mean he narrowly avoided hitting my car, because he decided to pass me at an extremely close distance. I thought for sure he was going to clip me and take off like the jerk he is. Honestly, I'm tired of jerks on the road.

I will drive as slow or as fast as I want. Your close proximity to my car will not deter me from my speed. You want to speed up like a complete jerk and ride my ass, then go for it. I will not speed up to accommodate your 'need for speed'. Since it's mostly guys with this problem, I suggest you stop over compensating for your small aspects by trying to be big and macho. You aren't fooling anyone, except yourselves.

"The two most common elements in the world are Hydrogen and stupidity." (Harlan Ellison)

Plain and Simple

We get bigger, we get taller, we get older,
but for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids
running around a playground trying desperately to fit in.

♥

I love little girls, they make me feel so young ♥

I wish I could take a bath. I never played with rubber duckies in the bath tub though, just with my L'Oreal Shampoo bottles and occasionally some of Bart's wrestling action figures when I was younger. Mostly I had to improvise with the shampoo bottles though. Come to think of it, I don't know why Bart had his wrestling dudes near the bathtub or even in the bathroom to begin with. I guess it's some secret guy thing. Any-who, I always loved taking baths. My mom would have to tell me to get out of the bath because I would sit in it for two hours just playing make-believe. I would create scenarios where my shampoo bottles loved each other but didn't know how to tell the other. Then, I would bring in a rival (cue one of Bart's action figures) that would try to get the girl shampoo bottle away from the boy shampoo bottle. I'm pretty sure it was a continuous story, so it never actually ended in one bath. I was a little mini soap-opera director at a very young age.

I'm pretty sure the shampoo bottles ended up together, if anyone was actually curious about the fate of my shampoo.

"We live in a rainbow of chaos." (Paul Cezanne)

Fly Like An Eagle

I think the reasons why people like other people differ in most aspects, but for the most part there is a certain sense of common ground. I think people fall for those that make them feel good, first and foremost. I think any amount of attention creates some sort of feelings for the other person, whether romantic or platonic. I think the reason why I've always liked as many guys as I have is because of this fact, because I liked receiving attention from people I deemed "above" myself.

Maybe that's the base of all attraction; finding someone that pets our ego. I'd like to think that relationships are centered on more important things, like personality and affection. But then again, I know how girls work, and unfortunately so do a lot of jerks who use this to their advantage.

I wish girls had a center of self-worth so they wouldn't be used by guys who just want a friend or a good time. I think girls would be a lot happier if they believed in themselves more, myself included.

"I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent." (Marilyn Monroe)

Paranoia

is an amazing thing. I just noticed that a light is on in my roommate's room and now I'm freaking out about it, wondering if it's always been on or if someone's been in here and turned it on for some reason. Maybe it turns on naturally, but I could have sworn she left for the week to go back home during spring break. The only thing that makes it even more perfect is the fact its a reddish orange light and I can see it under her door.

So much for being able to sleep tonight like I wanted to.

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." (Albert Einstein)