Done

Blank Face

I'm really nervous for the future, and everything that's lying ahead of me. I can't picture where I'm gonna end up, or how I'm getting there, or if I'm even gonna turn out alright in the end. I wish I knew who's going to be in my life 5 years down the road, because losing people hurts me daily and I want to know if it's worth trying to keep people. I want to be able to accept my psychotic self, because I know my mind is my worst enemy and that I ultimately control what I think and feel. My mind really enjoys messing with me, making me doubt my present relationships, myself, and whether or not it's worth it. All I really know is that, most likely, I won't turn out to bad, which I suppose, makes life and its hardships worth it.

"I only heard Justin Bieber for the first time, like, two weeks ago. I genuinely thought it was a woman singing. I'd never heard it before." (Daniel Radcliffe)

53 Years

is how long my grandparents have been married. It's intimidating, because they did something right that not a lot of couples are doing right anymore. It really freaks me out and I want so badly to make that right choice. I know I'm only 18 (almost 19!), and it's way too soon to be thinking about it, but I am and I really can't help it. My grammar is suffering because of my anxiety and worry over this, which says A LOT!

I really wish I didn't look so far into the future - I guess this is how people feel after weddings? I'll just keep telling myself that, because otherwise I may have another panic attack since I'm such a worry wart weirdo!

"A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys and keys that fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longing, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life."

It's official

Not only is there a new addition to the family due to my brother getting married today to my doppleganger whose name just so happens to be Jessica, but today is also my two year anniversary with my amazing boyfriend Ricky! :)

I can't picture spending this weekend or sharing all of these memories with anybody else - I really consider myself blessed to have him, even though he drives me crazy and gets me upset within seconds. He's my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything. He means the world to me <3

Dinner

Wedding rehearsal dinner is tonight! I'm scared for tomorrow because I have to do a reading in front of the whole wedding ceremony! Haha you'd think since I was an actor/dancer I'd be completely ok with this :P

Melbourne

So far so good! I'm incredibly tired and drained from the intense amount of vitamin D! :P I'm excited to see how the wedding goes but there's still another day to get thru!!

3 Days Early

but it's the thought that counts - let's just pretend it's sunday!

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Today, my un-named battered phone who I've countlessly dropped over and over again but she still never gave up on me (yes, although she had no name, she most definitely was a girl), got turned off in a very anticlimactic way. For some reason, I thought unclimactic was the correct way - thank you spell check! I got stressed out because M told me to just turn it off so my new phone could turn on, so my contacts could carry over. Wait, what? I thought she said I could transfer my EVERYTHING to the new phone? So I'm dishing out the Spanish Inquisition about how if I knew it wasn't just gonna transfer over, I would have texted Ricky the pictures I wanted since this clearly isn't as easy as I thought it may be. I'm freaking and stressing out at her, cause I'm without a phone and dunno how to contact anyone. She's freaking and stressing out at me, because I'm freaking and stressing out at her. It's a huge, big, bubble of freakdom and stressors. The new baby whose name is Beautiful is charging and apparently syncing my contacts (whoopee *twirls*) at midnight while I sleep and I have to go to Verizon to somehow miraculously obtain my pictures from my old phone onto my new one.

I'm so glad I got a new phone for my early birthday! *my sarcasm hand is partially raised*

"There's nothing like the deep breathing after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons." (Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Get Up and Go

The worst thing you can ever do is seal away your heart from love. Got burned by someone you thought loved you? Did you get your heart broken by a jerk who doesn't know what they are losing? Are you a young teenager, who fell for their lies and gave in and gave all of yourself and it still wasn't enough? If so, then it's all the more reason to open yourself up and keep trying. No one can live alone with no ties whatsoever. You may want to after experiencing heartache, and a broken heart is a serious thing, trust me. But, you can't let it define you and rule you. You can't let anyone or anything tell you how to live your life; you need to always be trying for more. You're never gonna be an expert on any one subject; there's always room for more and more knowledge. Where one person reacts this way, another person may react totally differently. We really can't afford to sit around with our battered hearts and cookie cutter molds for how we deal people. We are all dynamic and ever-changing like the Florida weather: there may be rain now, but give it some time and the sun will come out.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." (Albert Einstein)

Blast From The Past Recap #2

^^ my feelings for that night =X

June 21st, 2008

"i don't even know how to type what happened tonight - but oh my god. that sums up EVERYTHING. didnt see a movie tonight - because he wanted to 'talk' ha. so we drove around and talked for like 5 hours haha. spent most of it at camp though - we walked around everywhere - through the kickball fields, to the little kid camp, around the teen camp, in the woods by the little kid camp (apparently theres a path there). and anyway we got to the little kid camp - and ricky wanted to hop the fence so we could take a short cut.. so he hopped over it. and i was like "hm i dont wanna jump it" because last time i did - i hurt myself/ripped my shirt. haha. so he was like "c'mon i'll help you" and he sticks his arm out. and i was like "but i dont want tooo" so i put my hands on the fence and was leaning forward. he walked over - leaned forward. and was like "i got you though" and i was like "mhm i know that i just dont want to jump it" all the while getting progressively closer - so we're at the point where our foreheads + noses are touching.. and i'm just staring at him and hes just looking at me. he pulls away, sighs, and hops over the fence and we walked around. =)

no - the night got better than that. just wait.

so we get to the bleachers.. we're laying down on them side by side. i see a star so obviously i'm like "AH ITS A STAR!!" so ricky said "make a wish" and i did. and he was asking me what i wished for. and i was giving him a hard time saying "i dont knowww.." haha. even though i knew (and he knew too) that my wish involved him. so he takes my hand and leads me back behind the field by a tree and says "tell me.." and he's gently tickling me - but i flip out and i'm trying to move away without getting his attention by saying 'oh hey jessica's ticklish!' so he noticed and tickled me more. so i had to lace my hands in his to stop him from tickling me. so my hands were by my chest - so he could prob feel my heartbeat 50 mph. and he's rubbing his finger on my hand and he has his mouth by my ear and says "tell me". so i laughed and was like "hm no" so he said "and why not?" (keep in mind none of this is even being said - it's being whispered in my ear) so i was like "because you know.." and he said "yeah and? maybe i want to hear you say it" at this point my hands are still laced behind his but he moved them so they are behind his back. and he said tell me.. again. and i said "i think you have a pretty good idea".. i look him in the eyes. and he leans in saying "yeah i think i do.."


Who says your first kiss can't be perfect and magical and everything you ever thought it would be? Well, I can honestly say I didn't even imagine it'd be this good! 6 more days baby ♥

*edit* blog ends abruptly because my e-mail to my cousin ended with me saying I'd tell her all about it in person. =P I figured that mattered - soooooo yeah! Nothing like a first kiss pinned up against a fence at a dark baseball field ♥ I wouldn't trade that moment for anything =)

Cupcake!?

I think to make up for a lack of pictures/quotes for Friday, Saturday and Sunday - I'll do a massive blog on Thursday night. I'm hoping to be able to blog though throughout the weekend? Maybe that's expecting too much though. This is a wedding weekend coming up!

With the wedding rapidly approaching between my brother and his fiance/my older self in some alternate reality (don't ask), I keep wondering how I would want my wedding to be.

*cue scary music* DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!

haha I think I would want something small and inexpensive. I'm not a very flamboyant person; I don't like spending money frivolously (anime/manga/some clothes/video games/books = worthy purchases); I don't deal with stress very well, so I'm pretty sure a BIG wedding would shorten my lifespan by 10 years. The more I think about it the more elopement looks appealing. I feel like this may be obvious, but I'll explain because I love hearing/seeing myself talk. I type all of this while saying it in my head - it's great!

With eloping, it'd be quick and easy and it would just kinda happen. I would much rather save money for a house, than splurge and have a huge wedding and then have to live in a condo or apartment for awhile until we save enough to get somewhere, assuming we could find a place not too expensive and nice. I read some article online talking about weddings vs. eloping, and a lot of the women talking about it said they eloped and then once they had a house, they had a small wedding to compensate for a lack thereof of wedding brouhaha. I think I would do this sort of thing, since I know my grandma especially would want me to have some sort of ceremony, if not right away. I just hate feeling like I'm wasting my parent's money by doing something I don't really 100% feel strongly about. Maybe my feelings will change when marriage/a wedding becomes more of a possibility after I'm out of college with a job.

"When I was a little kid, of course, I was brown all summer. That's because I was free as a bird - nothing to do but catch bugs all day." (Roy Blount Jr.)

^^ ah to be really brown again =]

You've Got A Friend In Me ♥

Toy Story 3 is now being added to my mental list of movies that have made me cry. Now it has to pass the "Will it make Jess cry each time she sees it?" test: then it goes into the Hall of Fame movies, since only a few have this effect on me!

But seriously, there were streams and falling tear drops from behind my 3D glasses while I watched this tear-jerking movie. Only downside to the movie (it's totally not a spoiler: at least I don't deem it one since it's unimportant) I would have liked to have seen the evil Sid grown up to see if he even made it through childhood. I'm smelling a Toy Story 4 where Sid and Andy go to battle and it will be epic. If this isn't made, I may make it myself with stick figures and shadow puppets. If interested totally tell me - I'm not THAT artistic.

"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing: of just going along. listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering." (Winnie the Pooh)

Damn Ke$ha - Her Song's Stuck in My Head =[

My blog never gets accomplished, not because I forget, but because I get so distracted by the internet and the amazing things I find on it, like a picture of a dress this girl made to look like Snorlax. It has inspired me to want to know how to sew for extensive periods of time, now if only my creativity would kick in so I'd actually come up with my own projects rather than copy others' ideas.

Btw, Dragon Quest IV: Chapters of the Chosen is the best Nintendo DS game ever. Besides, Mario games which are obviously in a class all by themselves, this game is pretty kick-ass and awesome. Best 15 dollars spent =] Can't wait till Dragon Quest IX comes out on the 11th!!!

"We're friends, real friends. And that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I'll be here." (Grey's Anatomy)

A World of Pure Imagination

"I am Me. In all the world, there is no one exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say or do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay." (Virginia Satir)

Leave Me Here Forever In The Dark

With each blog, this makes less and less sense. There's so many pictures and words that my mind gets baffled and I end up picking something lame or something I feel like only I would appreciate - I should totally just go a blog of pictures and quotes, because this is getting so far off track, much like my life is at the time with EVERYTHING happening all at once!

And with that, I have come full circle, fulfilling my need to make this post about myself and also about the lack thereof of myself =]

"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist, the parachute." (Gil Stern)

Snape, Snape, Severus Snape =P

Harry Potter World may be the culmination of my whole life's obsession/childhood. I really hope I can go someday and that it's epically awesome =X It's about time they created this amusement park - I'm glad to know Harry Potter is still popular since Twilight seems to be engulfing everything like a tornado.

"Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgment of what is working in our lives can help us not only survive but surmount our difficulties." (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

I'll Be There For You

Just like a bear, I'm extremely protective of those that I care for. The moment I find out that someone close to me is hurt, it's like I go into super drive and almost berserk even. I want them to be happy; I want the jerk that hurt them to feel immense pain and guilt; I want to take their pain and hate, so that they can smile and laugh. There's always a part of me that harbors animosity towards those that hurt my friends/family/etc.

I'm the worst person to talk about boyfriend problems with, especially when I used to hear about them always from really close friends. I never understood why they always made the same mistakes continuously through their boy choices, only to be hurt once again in the end. It's hard comforting someone who won't really listen to reason, especially if reasoning goes against how they feel with their heart. You can tell a girl over and over again about how a guy is no good for her, but she'll never see the negatives as blatantly as someone who is open-minded. I never wanted my friends to get hurt by their romantic interests, but they always would; each time I would think they would learn a lesson from a previous relationship, but it was a 70+% chance they wouldn't. So I quietly sat seething on double dates with my best friend and her always crappy boyfriends wondering how long it would last or how they would end up hurting her in the end. But my best friends always knew, just like I always knew, that I would always, always, be there for them and I would never tell them, "I told you so" even if I kinda always wanted to. =P

"Things you can't recover in life: the stone after it's thrown, the word after it's said, the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone."

Veritas

haha truer words have never been spoken before - I completely agree with this quote below and also just this entire post in general =)

"Although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they are rather stupid." (Mary Poppins)

Dammit Janet!

I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style, park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with.

"All people know the same truth - our lives consist of how we choose to distort it." (Woody Allen)

Now Blogger Wants to Get New Layouts!

haha right after I picked one too!! I may be changing it =P

Let me be one of possibly many people to say that if you need to be making wishes on airplanes in the night sky, then I suggest you spend your time more wisely by going out, trying to accomplish what it is you want, standing up to your own obstacles yourself, and pray that you succeed. Praying and wishing are two totally different things, because prayers come from yourself and are asking for important things such as guidance, courage, strength, etc. Wishing really is a selfish thing, because you just want things handed to you, rather than working hard for it - an act that even I'm guilty of. Wishing is the easy way out; actually going out into the real world and trying to obtain something greater than yourself? Now that's hard.

"I'm Mickey Mouse. They don't know who's inside the suit." - Keanu Reeves

Waiting Game

"People don't change. They modify. They adjust. Underneath, we are who we are. People just get better at covering up their flaws." (Amelia Shepherd)

Blast From The Past Recap #1

June 9, 2008
me emailing my cousin Megan (excuse the bad grammar and lack of proper punctuation =P)

"to sum up the night - i called him after i got out of my dentist. he didnt answer at first. then he did.. and i was like well im here.. so he said give me 15 and i'll be there. so i parked.. ran through the rain and was standing there listening to my ipod. so im standing there.. and someone is standing kinda next to me.. so i turn and look and it was ricky.. and i was like "OMG WAY TO SCARE ME/STAND THERE!" haha so we went up to buy tickets. so we walk up.. and i say "one student ticket for kung fu panda at 535" and the guy said "2 adult for kung fu panda?" me = "uh ONE STUDENT!" the guy "okay its 17.95" i hand him a 20.. i get 2 tickets - one adult one student. so i was complaining to ricky that that was crap.. so ricky was like "dont worry since u bought my ticket, i'll just buy you dinner" and i was like "haha OKAY!"

we saw the movie.. it was cute.. we were talking during most of it.. adding comments and stuff.. but it was good! u should watch it. then afterwards we were walking around without knowing where we were going. and we saw ppl from verot pretty much everywhere. we were going into every store and just walking around (there are stores across the street from the theater) then i drove us across the street so we could walk around more - so we're walking through target, im laughing at something he said.. we're turning down an aisle and we're both swinging our arms as we're walking.. and his fingers hit my hand.. and was like "ah im sorry" and touched my arm.. and i was like "HAHA ITS NOTHING" honestly the whole night i made no sense.

then we went to moe's (awesome food) and he bought me dinner.. taco and some nachos. so we picked a table. and it was self serve drinks from the fountain. so he got up to get a drink.. and looked at me expecting me to follow him but i stayed sitting.. and i was like "i'll go when u get back" (that way the food isnt stolen) and he was like "what do u want?" and i was like "ah i can get it just go" and he said "like i said.. what do you want?" so he went and got me diet coke =)

so i drive us back to his car.. and we're just standing around it.. and he gets out of the driver seat of his car (the door was open and he was looking at me) and walks over to me incredibly close.. and points at my shirt and asked me what it said.. so i said "wha? oh.. it says planet hollywood orlando" and he was like "i've been trying to figure it out i thought it said planer hollywood and that doesnt make sense" so he was staring at my chest all night.. nice ricky nice.

so we were bored.. and he was like "well i guess its my turn to drive around" and i said "sure" and he was like "seriously?" and i said "yeah.. wait u dont like driving" and he said "i never said that..." and i said "well u said something like that" so i get into his car.. we're driving around the parking lot across the street for 3 times. he proceeds to tell me i'm a bad influence.. and was talking about how he drives around like that with his friends in the car.. and i was like "ah.. im sure its more fun with all of them than just me" and he said "no actually its not.. just 2 ppl is perfect.. 3 is awkward.. and 4+ is annoying" so i said "well arent u happy i didnt bring austin?" and he said "it's not..." and he stopped talking.. so i laughed and was like "haha u like it better without him here its okay" and then his dad calls while he's driving.. so he shushs me. and he's talking to him and he was like "i'll be home by 10:30.. i'm dropping griffon off" and when he gets off the phone im looking out the window.. and i said "im sorry" and he laughed and asked what for. and i said "because u sounded so serious on the phone.. and because i have to be griffon" (griffon = his friend) and he said it was no problem and that he always sounds that serious.

so he pulls up by my car.. and it was awkward.. so i was like "Well i guess im gonna go.. i had fun.." so i go to open the door and it was locked. and i was like "uh its locked?" and he was looking at me.. and was like "who said u were leaving" and had his hand hovering over my leg.. and then he laughed and said "just kidding.. here" so he unlocked the door. i step out graceful as ever.. my flip flop is still in his car.. i awkwardly grab it.. then im out of the car about to close the door.. he says "jessica.." and i popped my head in and i was like "yeah?" and he was looking at me with his hand by his face and said "you know i like you, right?"

i take my head out of the car.. look around.. pop my head back in.. and said "... really?" all while scrunching my face and tilting my head like i heard wrong. and he nodded. and then he was like "i had fun.. i'll talk to you later". so i closed the door.. floated to my car. watched him drive away. and just about screamed.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHH! HE LIKES ME MEGAN! WE HAVE CONFIRMATION.. A MONTH LATER FROM WHEN I TOLD HIM I LIKED HIM - HE HAS CONFIRMED IT IS MUTUAL!

life is great."



(re-reading this and previous e-mails makes me realize that I was really an overly excited girl - I still totally am too but I keep most of this sort of stuff in my head or where normal people can't see it)

Put a Smile on =]

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Have you ever seen a baby start crying and then once they see their mommy, they smile? Or played a game of pretend with little kids? Have you ever stood up for someone who couldn't speak for themselves? Or stood up for your beliefs when no one else would support you? Have you ever seen the glow of a puppy when you play with them? Or the glow and peace that comes to the one petting a dog? Have you ever seen the look of a person with absolute optimism and determination? Or seeing someone whose extremely brilliant at what they love? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Life comes and go, but it's completely worth it.

"Too many people try to fake their way through life - that's why the real ones shine through so brightly."

Goodbye, Goodbye

I'm probably not the first person that realizes that I've wasted a lot of time and energy on certain people through the course of my life. I'm also probably not the first person that knows the moment those other people find someone that makes them happy that it kinda hurts. Not in a way that means I want them in my life, it's not something unfaithful or bad like that. It's like a bittersweet sort of thing. I knew it was a lost cause and I know my best just wasn't what they needed, but it's like a pride issue. They say it's never too late for anything to happen, and I'm here to say, in this situation, it is too late. You've found your happiness, so leave me to mine, because you weren't worth the pain or hurt to even be a part of my life.

"I wonder, do you still think of me? I carry your image always in my head, folded and yellowed and torn at the edge, and I've looked upon it for so many years. Slowly, I am losing your face. Now, I'm starting to wonder why I ever thought of you at all."

Nothing Wrong with Lists

I wish I could say I wrote this list, but I haven't =/ haha I'm kinda not really that creative, I hope I get some inspiration soon. Maybe I need to do a found poem or something for fun =P

"11 Things a Girl Should ALWAYS Do:

1. Speak. Voice your thoughts without placing yourself upon a pedestal. Opinions are wonderful, but they are more likely to be heard when they aren't covered in vinegar, you catch more people with honey.

2. Comfort. I can't understand why you'd torture yourself to be 'beautiful'. I remember reading this book, which the movie Howl's Moving Castle was based upon. A fire demon, by the name of Calcifer, said to another character, "The day Howl stops using potions to enhance his beauty, is the day he's found love."

3. Reflect. Take things by their smooth handle. So the power went out as you were trying to dry your hair.. don't freak, it's not the end of the world. And if you have to be somewhere, don't stress, because if you start your day off with stress, it'll only end in more stress.

4. Courage. Life is about the now. Not the what if, and not the way back then. Live life in the moment. If you make a mistake on something, it's okay. You haven't failed, you've just learned what doesn't work.

5. Inspire. I'm a sucker for someone who's creative, who likes getting messy. I once dated a girl that showed me how to make a keychain using a chip bag and a microwave. I still have the tiny dorito's bag, I punched a hole in it, and hung it up on the wall. I have never thought of that. She explained the bag was made of metal, and plastic, which created the amazing shrinking affect. The same girl would splatter paint her converse. I'd rather see you covered in paint and clay while smiling, than see you in make up with your hair all done and in a bad mood.

6. Protect. A girl that can stand on her own is wonderful, a girl that is loyal and protects her friends and family is a miracle. Protecting someone doesn't mean making yourself a human shield. There are many ways to protect.

7. Compassion. I find it so upsetting that now and days.. it's hard to find a girl that looks deep, to find one positive thing about herself and others. To rise above external and internal turmoil. From what I've learned, light is in all places. The center of the earth, deep space, caves, the ocean depths. Light is always there, but one must find the strength to search for it.

8. Laughter. Laughter, like courage is important. You've embarrassed yourself? Laugh it off. Someone is cruel to you? Laugh it off. You find yourself feeling blue? Submerge yourself in positive energy. Besides, girls are much more attractive when their eyes are smiling.

9. Faith. I find the word trust is but a word. Because trust can easily be broken. However, faith is believing in yourself, and in those around you. Faith is but another form light takes.

10. Intellect. Okay, so maybe you feel you're not as smart as, I dunno, let's say a brain surgeon. So? If you feel 'dumb' then read a book. I don't mean a history book, any book. Fiction, fantasy, romance, thriller. My favorite book happens to be Gathering Blue. Check it out, it's pretty amazing.

11. Love. Love yourself enough to be yourself. You are the only you there is. There is only one of you, make something of it. Care for it. Because love is infinite. Love, the most powerful form of light, is in all places. If you feel you've run out, just create more. Love your mind, your body, your spirit, and those around you. Because once you've truly submerged yourself in love, you've found true strength. Strength to be.. one less. One less to fear. One less to judge. One less to lie. One less to hate. And one more to make a change in the world. One person at a time."

Almost Forgot

to do a blog! That would have been apocalyptic-esque (apparently apocalyptical isn't a word. That's a shame. Why isn't it a word? It's really fun to say!!) since I haven't missed a blog yet! Then again one of my blogs was pretty dumb since I barely said anything in it and said hopefully I can update later. I never did - I wonder if I should correct that?

Hm.

Nah!

"There were things I wanted to tell him, but I knew they would hurt him, so I buried them and let them hurt me instead."

Mixed Feelings

I'm a firm believe that the brown spots on your skin, formally known as freckles, are angel kisses. My dad's always told me that the few freckles I have were given to me by angels while I sleep, which I suppose sounds pretty creepy. Nonetheless, it always made me feel good. Why? Because I have a lone freckle on the top of my right hand. (JESSICA FACT: totally the reason why I know my right from left, btw)

*cue me and my romanticism*

When I was in elementary/middle school, I always dreamed that the angel kissed my hand in that whole chivalrous old school way and would always look out for me when I would act like an idiot. I couldn't really explain how many life-or-death situations I've been in due to my own stupidity or my body's failure, so angel kisses seemed like the natural choice =)

"You may not believe it, but you're my angel. You bring joy, but you don't know it. You guide me when it's hard to see, and I don't know which way to go. You do it with your beautiful face and glowing smile. I promise if you hold me close, I won't let anyone hurt my angel."

Do You Believe in Magic?

I wish everything was sprinkled with more magic nowadays. There's way too much cynicism in the world and I feel like kids are growing up way too fast. Where's the good cartoons on TV? True, there are still some good ones, ie. Spongebob, Penguins of Madagascar, some people really like Phineas & Ferb so I'll count that too. But why are there stupid, inane girls on Disney channel and Nickelodeon nowadays? Hannah Montana & iCarly both suck - how are these good shows for girls to be watching? Lizzie McGuire was a good show: why? because guys could watch that show too without feeling like their sexuality would be questioned.

With kids growing up so fast, it's like they are completely skipping the 'dream' phase where they could be whatever they wanted to be, where they could be content playing with action figures or Barbie dolls or even just stuffed animals. Why is magic so bad? Why are kids just being told at young ages that Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny aren't real? They are very much alive and real. I believe in Santa Claus and I'm almost 19 (August 9th can't come soon enough =P ) It isn't childish to believe in them. Why is magic and fantasy and imagination feel like it's taking a backseat with everyone, not just adults but with the kids too? Why do kids have to suffer with reality when NOW is the time they should be enjoying their dreams and feeling like the sky is the limit when it comes to dreams?

I really wish kids weren't being exposed to such stupid television shows, but more than that, I want them to believe in themselves, because it seems like this trait dwindles. I love seeing kids when they embrace their childhood and act silly - I'm completely dedicated to being a goofy, incredibly childish, immature teenager/adult. If kids can't celebrate being kids, then I will =)

"Sweet, crazy conversations full of half sentences, daydreams and misunderstandings more thrilling than understand could ever be."

Dose of Optimism

"Isn't it nice to know that you haven't yet laughed all that you will laugh? That you haven't yet met some of your very best friends? And that you haven't yet dreamed all that you'll manifest? That all bridges will be mended? That all sadness will be healed? And that life never ends? That all of your challenges will be won? That all of your triumphs will be shared? And that the difference you will make has already begun? Well it is for me, because I also know that if you don't see those things yet, you will. Could it get any better?"

Champagne Supernova ♥

Okay, that song right there ^ needs to be listened to because it's a great and awesome song.

I heard it earlier today and it has me inspired, thinking, and reminiscing: all of which is pretty impressive for a song, because that doesn't happen very often.

POINT: this song reminds me of A Separate Peace by John Knowles - haven't read it? I suggest you do. It reminds me SO much of the characters in that book that I seriously love. God, who doesn't read this book and doesn't fall in love with Finny & Gene's relationship? It's just great - this song just accents what this book is for me and I can't even formulate my thoughts to state how badly I want to see a montage of Finny & Gene to this song. I picture Leper walking around in the snow looking for beaver dams, being content even if the other boys thinks he's a spaz and a weirdo for being himself, and Finny & Gene being themselves with all of the tension that builds up between them, and all other sorts of events that happen within the book. I want to download this song and just listen to it on a loop as I re-read this book again.

There are so many memories tied to this book. I became really good friends with Ashley practically through this book, ignoring the fact we were in plays together and we technically started talking when we read Ethan Frome sophomore year. Our friends made a Facebook group about a part in the book, and even went as far as to make notecards with the motto and everything.

Oasis, thank you for creating such an amazing, perfect song to explain all that it is that I love about A Separate Peace in such a succinct manner. Thank you, John Knowles, for creating such lovable characters that will consistently tear my heart out no matter how many times I read your book ♥

No quotes, just listen or read the lyrics to the song =)