Hello, my name is Jessica and I'm here to talk a little bit about some misconceptions when it comes to friendships and acquaintances.

Friendships, relationships in general, are built on the understanding that there is give and take. However, when we start getting into semantics, such as, 'well, I did this thing for you, so therefore you HAVE to do this thing for me', we start trickling into an area of "friendship" that I'd like to call being an asshat.

It's a weird area, most definitely, because it's almost like what happens when a guy does things for a girl with the thought in the back of his mind that says 'yes, she owes me now, because I'm such a nice guy'. I didn't realize this happened with friendships.

So, let's back up and give some meat to the story!

My roommate, who happens to be a Taurus and I swear I NEVER had anything against them until knowing this person, works at a movie theater and thus gets free movie tickets at said establishment. She asks me to see a movie with her, because she didn't want to go by herself (a point that will be later brought up) and I went. I've never known anyone who worked at a movie theater, so the whole concept of getting in for free was (and is) new to me and uncomfortable. Before every movie experience, I tell her, "I can pay for my own ticket," because she always tells me about how her co-workers get in trouble for going too often, and also because I don't like feeling indebted to people, especially people who annoy the shit out of me with prolonged exposure.

So fast forward to now, after seeing maybe 8 movies for free (I'm not counting, but it's probably less than 10) and now (10:50 pm on a Wednesday), this happens:

Roommate: Did you eat dinner?

Me: Yes!

Roommate: Lameee. Wanna go to Alehouse with me anyway?

Me: Not especially! I already showered and am getting ready for bed

Roommate: Come on!

Roommate: I'm hungryyyyyyy

Me: Noooooo

Roommate: You're so mean! I get you into all these movies for free and this is how you repay me!

Wait, what? Suddenly an act of friendship is being used against me. Okay. That's new. Didn't realize I was entitled to do things I don't want to do, because you did something YOU wanted to. Gotcha.

Me: I could pay for my movies if it bothers you!

Roommate: I'm just proving a point. If I do you favors then you should do favors for meee. Like coming to Alehouse with me so that I don't have to eat alone

Me: I've gone to my fair share of restaurants alone! It builds character!

Roommate: well, in the next two weeks when I'm gone you can go to as many restaurants alone as you like. But for now I'm still here and I don't wanna go alone

Me: still not goinggggg~

Roommate: Meannn! That's okay I'll just starve

Me: guilt tactics won't work!

Roommate: you should feel guilty! Now I'm gonna be hungry for the rest of the night

Me: too bad I don't feel guilty :D

Roommate: that's because you're so mean!!!!

And this is where I have all of my issues. Why should I feel guilty over something that's not my problem? Answer: I shouldn't.

Eating alone in a restaurant is not the end of the world. As I said, I've done it NUMEROUS times, whether by my own volition or because I had no other option. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why going to a restaurant alone is a big deal... or why going through a drive thru couldn't be an option if you were so hell bent on having company with your meal.

Friendship isn't about keeping score of how much you're doing for one person and trying to make it equal. I mean, maybe sometimes it could be and it'll work out, but you should want to do something for someone because YOU WANT TO. When it comes to people I genuinely care about, I'm not like, "well, ____, I've done such a such a thing for you, so you HAVE to do this for me." Who does that?

Answer: MY ROOMMATE.

I could probably talk about this until thy kingdom come, because this frustrates me beyond belief.

And then the fact that she wanted to see the movie at a time that wasn't convenient for me, because of a TV show, and she's like, "ugh! just download it or watch it the day after tomorrow" and I say, "I wouldn't guilt you to make you miss your favorite show" and she says, "well, I wouldn't throw a fit like you are if I did miss it"

I'm sorry. It's almost as if we have different priorities in life and I'm supposed to feel bad, because I don't deem you important enough to miss something I actually enjoy. That seems logical.

I can't wait to move out. It cannot happen soon enough. There are no more words.

In a contradiction to my previous post -

this girl took her exam like the first week of June, passed, and is now ACLS certified, which is what I should have done while waiting to take my exam, except I'm dumb and didn't, so now I have to wait until July, potentially, to get certified in that. And apparently now she's got a potential job at a PACU somewhere in town and I just...

Lessons

Do not, under any circumstances, avoid something you're afraid of, especially when you are Facebook friends with people who have to face the same fate as you, because when they succeed, you will see it, and you will wish you hadn't waited.

Anything they can do, you can do too.

Just because you're afraid of something, doesn't make it less inevitable. The only way you can control your fate is by making a conscious effort to do your best and hope it's enough.

Always microwave soup with plenty of paper plates underneath the bowl. You never know when you're going to spill some scalding soup on your finger, causing you to get a first degree burn.

Just because you get burned in life, that doesn't mean you'll scar, and even if you do, it doesn't have to be a part of you that mars your outlook on life. One 'flaw' does not ruin you. It only enhances your character while giving you new and thicker skin.

Exercise caution, but don't ever let it stop you from enjoying life or that soup you burned yourself with. There are plenty more events and soups to be had.

Someday, there's going to be someone who loves everything about you, including your real or imagined flaws. This person should be yourself. Consider yourself blessed to find someone who truly loves you in that same capacity you love yourself, because they will surely be blessed to be with you.

A lot of the people who I graduated with have taken their license exam already and have passed, but with each post I see about it with a picture of their results, I'm overcome with conflicted feelings.

I'm really happy they passed, because the program was really difficult and we made it through together. There's a sense of camaraderie in the fact that if one succeeds, then we all can succeed, because we've been through worse.

But then it's like, I really wish you wouldn't be posting all of this celebratory stuff, because I'm not even sure if I will pass, which is a really selfish and insecure thing to say, but seeing people happy about passing makes me feel like I can't pass, for whatever reason.

And then it gets worse. Because they've passed/took the test before me, they can start applying for jobs sooner than I could, even if I rushed and did that immediately. For the most part, people are staying in the area, which means I'm less likely to get where I want to be. I've basically resigned myself to wanting ANY job, which by definition isn't terrible, because I could theoretically move to any unit I'd want later on and I need experience anyway, but in reality, it's more like I don't have confidence in myself to outshine any of these people in the interview process or even skills wise on the off chance I have to compete with these people for a position.

I'm studying every day by doing practice questions and I feel like I'm doing okay. I feel like I'm doing enough while at the same time I feel like it's not enough. If that makes sense.

I'm feeling insecure about waiting so long to take my test, as if the extra 10+ days of questions will make any difference whatsoever with me passing or not.

I initially picked the date because I wanted the day to be a happy memory.

But then I think, well, what if it just makes the day worse? Or, even worse, why do I NEED to have a happy memory on that day in the first place? It's been nearly 3 years - shouldn't the day mean nothing to me?

I could have picked sooner - preferably even still in the 20s, but the early 20s nonetheless - but I'm just not feeling confident, which is affecting everything.

It's making it so I want to procrastinate (I started playing a facebook game when I swore I would never play another one; I've read manga all day at one point - I can't even begin to list the amount of manga I've completed or started during this time) and there's nothing wrong with choosing to not study for a little bit. I'm more than aware that studying 24/7 with no breaks isn't a good thing. I'm aware that other people haven't studied this entire time since graduation, as evidenced by seeing pictures of them having fun and going on vacations and things like that.

I don't even have proof that I'm any less superior than the people I've graduated with, but for some reason I feel like I am, because even though I know there are people who wouldn't study all day every day, I'm convinced that I'm not taking this seriously enough and that I'm the one doomed to fail, which is such a horrible outlook to have before I even take the test.

I'm so happy for people who have passed, but each pass picture just reminds me of how devastated I will be if I don't pass, of how scared I am to get into that test center and forget even the most simple of things, of how scared I am that the computer will turn off after 75 questions not because I've passed exceptionally already but because I've failed so atrociously.

Everyone's dreams are becoming reality with the passing of this exam and this is honestly just one small step along life's journey, but I feel like so much is weighing on me. I almost feel like my reasons for being a nurse alone aren't good enough.

Some of these people have wanted to be a nurse since forever, whether it's because it's what their parents/families do, which seems to be the majority, or because they've experienced good nursing by being hospitalized at some point and being inspired by them.

Working in the medical field wasn't necessarily my first choice - it was something almost ingrained that that's what I should aim for, because "people always get sick," "you're so smart - I know you can do it," "it pays well", and it was just something I began to expect of myself as if to prove my worth that I COULD do it. It also didn't help that I had no other goals/dreams to hold on to that I ever took seriously.

I didn't pick nursing until senior year of high school, although apparently that's what I put in my 8th grade yearbook for my dream job, and the reason why I changed my mind from "pre-med" to nursing was because of the nurse anesthetist presenter during career day. Here was a job that paid well that also allowed you to have time to raise a family - and that was all I needed. In the time of my life where I thought I found the guy I was going to marry/live with one day, that was all the convincing I needed.

Ultimately, I made my decision on my major/future based on a relationship that didn't even last and by the time the relationship had finally ended, I couldn't change my mind. I was accepted into the program and decided to see it through, because I wanted to help people.

Yes, I did volunteer in the hospital gift shop in high school for community hours. Yes, I loved delivering presents to patient's rooms. Yes, I loved seeing the patients smile, because their family that lives out of state loves them so much that they telephone ordered balloons/stuffed animals for them. Yes, that one moment where a patient told me I made his day made me so unbelievably happy that I was convinced that this is what I want to do - make people happy, make a difference in a simple way.

But I'm so unsure of whether this is what I was born to do. I'm not the best at chitchat, which is something necessary. I get so worried about how I come off as to patients that there would be some days during clinical where I wouldn't know what to say. Yes, I may be able to study well, but that doesn't necessarily make me smart in other aspects necessary for this path. I almost feel like my reasons for wanting to be a nurse are childish and idealistic, because shouldn't EVERY nurse want to help people or be the nurse they would want for their own family?

Feeling insecure/inferior and comparing are my least favorite things, because nothing good comes from it. I don't feel inspired to become a better person or to change anything. I just kind of wallow in it when this happens. I get inspired by a good grade or reading a question and knowing the answer immediately; I get inspired by watching movies like Whisper of the Heart and remembering that just because I'm a rock, that doesn't mean that deep inside there isn't potential.

I feel better typing it all out, which I hoped would be the case, even if this entire post doesn't seem like I'm better off than where I started.

I don't think the conflicted feelings will go away until I take my test, do my best, and get my results.

I try to tell myself every day that just because I'm going slower than everyone doesn't mean I won't finish. I will finish and I'll see this through. This is just one small moment in a life that will, hopefully, last 50+ more years at the very least.

(spoilers~)

This sex god aka Kimblee, a man of many titles. Whether it's the Mad Bomber or the Crimson Alchemist, his reputation is well deserved for his specialty.

Between the sounds of explosions, the act of creating said explosions and people screaming, Kimblee can be considered a conductor. He derives pleasure from hearing these sounds, saying they are practically a lullaby for him. Bear in mind, this is all information gathered within the first conversation we witness with him.

There's something completely intriguing about a character who's so passionate about something like causing destruction, who takes such pride with his craft, who wishes for nothing more than to make "beautiful" music. You can just look at his face and KNOW that this will be an interesting character even without knowing him.

He challenges the "good" characters in the series by dropping bombs of truth. Kimblee, a man who gets his kicks off of doing his civic duty in Ishval, confronts soldiers like Mustang & Hawkeye, even Hughes, by saying they were the ones who chose this path when they are feeling guilty for senselessly killing Ishvalans. Kimblee goes further to say that the least they can do is remember the faces of those they've killed, because those people will never forget them. And Kimblee ACTUALLY remembers each person he's killed or attempted to kill, as evidenced by the fact he remembers Scar ("his handiwork"), even years after the war.

Whether you prefer him in FMA or Brotherhood, the fact remains that this guy strictly follows his own code and favors those who stand by their convictions/beliefs. He doesn't put up with hypocrisy - in fact, he will call you out on it and make you rue the day you decided to be hypocritical - case in point, in Brotherhood, when he gives Ed the opportunity to defeat Pride, because Pride was attempting to use a human to save his life after Pride claimed to be a superior being.

And ever since Ashley mentioned it, I agree that Kimblee would have been the PERFECT Pride. Seriously. He does things for his own benefit and he does so with all this confidence in the world, because he KNOWS he can. He's so sadistic and twisted with a dark sense of humor. What's not to love? He's just such an interesting villain/antagonist, although I suppose in comparison to who the actual villains are, he's more like a sub-villain.

Even his death is satisfying, at least in FMA, where we come full circle and Scar gets the revenge he's been seeking the entire time and Kimblee's basically the reason why Al even becomes the Philosopher's Stone in the first place. Without Al's involvement in the fight, who knows how the series could have ended. But Kimblee's last and final moments were spent creating a bomb out of Al's armor that would be his most beautiful yet - he's saying as he's rubbing his face on Al's leg, but I digress.

And then in Brotherhood when he provides Ed a distraction so he could defeat Pride and the last we see of Kimblee is him tipping his hat like the badass he is.

You never know where you stand with him or where his true loyalties lie, but you're guaranteed for one hell of a show if he's anywhere in the vicinity, because he will make his presence known and he will have your attention.

What's there to say about Roy Mustang?

SPOILERS - he's the best. (But seriously, spoilers are throughout, especially towards the end)

He's been a favorite for about 10 years now and when it comes down to WHY he's a favorite, I'm at a loss as to where to begin or even which verse I should talk about, because while it's the same character in both series + manga, he goes through different experiences, which thus, forms his character in different aspects.

Ultimately, what I love most about Roy is his unwavering loyalty for his friends. He has one of my favorite friendships with the ever amazing Maes Hughes, who also makes the list for a post about him somewhere down the line, but he also has a great team behind him to help support him to get him to the top.

I love how ambitious he is. Starting out as a soldier, even though soldiers who specialize in alchemy, especially the sort of alchemy this guy can do, doesn't necessarily mean he has no rank... I'm pretty sure state alchemists are granted a much higher starting rank than regular soldiers, but I don't know for sure what level they start as. Regardless, he starts out in Ishbal/Ishval and things go to hell - Roy gets what appears to be his first taste of what war really means. This comes in the shape of following difficult orders and augmenting the war by his own hands.

This affects Roy in two ways, depending on which series you watch, but Roy decides that he's going to work his way up the chain of command in order to change the country, so that orders like the ones he had to carry out in Ishbal/Ishval never happen again. So that people like Ed, who join the military at such a young age, never have to stain their hands the way he's had to. Roy has such great vision for the country and the determination to see it through.

You can tell a lot about a character by their relationships and how they treat those relationships. Roy has complete faith in his team and treats each of them as the important people they are. As awesome as Roy is, you can't play a game of chess with only a king and expect to win or get anywhere. The camaraderie within Team Mustang is one of my absolute favorite things about FMA - there aren't enough words to fully describe how perfect it is, unless you see it, which is why in FMA, my favorite episodes are usually centered around Team Mustang or Roy/Ed - a surprise to absolutely no one.

Sometimes Roy's actions are misinterpreted - he acts as the bad guy in order to get things done. An example being in Brotherhood when he scorches Maria Ross after learning she murdered someone important to him and Ed finds her corpse + Roy standing over it and Ed yells at him, because how could he do this when it's obvious she didn't do anything. To which Roy responds by saying, "he's just following orders," which obviously upsets Ed even more. You learn later on that he didn't actually kill Maria, but rather provided her the means to disappear, so she wouldn't HAVE to be killed.

Roy takes the fall for the people he cares about. He gets the military off the Elrics' tail when they come looking for them in Risembool after they had ran away from the Liore/Philosopher's Stone incident. Let's think about this for a second. Roy is a significant player in the military - he's the flame alchemist, but he's also high in ranks. He's the one who FOUND Ed right after the whole human transmutation happened and told him to take the state exam, so you would think the military would account for him covering for Ed when Ed & Al are trying to recoup. Roy goes to the train station where the military has just arrived and we're shown a soundless scene with Roy arguing with the military personnel. You can see that he's trying his hardest, but the military doesn't leave until Roy bows in a sign of begging them to turn around/go elsewhere.

Roy. Fucking. Mustang. BOWED to people who were most likely below him in rank in order to protect the Elric brothers.

He bows to no one -  he doesn't even show his fear as he confronts Bradley about him being a homunculus; you can only SEE his fear when he exits the room - but when it comes to people he cares about, he doesn't hold back and will resort to anything in order to protect them - the Lustang scene and the Roy/Envy scene, especially, being great examples of how far he's willing to go in Brotherhood.

This is barely skimming the surface, but his devotion to his country & his friends is my #1 reason for loving him. The only way I would ever serve in the military would be if I was guaranteed to have a leader like Mustang to follow, because I believe he exemplifies all that's necessary to be a good leader.

Also, because his voice and entire being is attractive like whoa ;)

Hello, my name is Jessica and I'm incapable of comparing two characters I love without having a tinge of bias.

Even when I ultimately admire one character more so over the other, I can't deal with people belittling the other's intentions, especially when ignoring the fact that BOTH of the characters, not just one, have been jerks at some point.