PSA

I'm not perfect.

I like manga and anime to the point that I will flail, fangirl, cry, laugh, and get incredibly angry due to the smallest interruptions or the slightest obstacle for the main characters. More often than not, I will experience all of those emotions within a span of a chapter or a couple of episodes. I get attached to these two dimensional characters as if they were my friends and I love and respect all of my favorites so much.

I like Harry Potter. I'm beta testing right now for the new site. Am I any good? Not really, but it's something I enjoy. I'm looking forward to being able to play with my friends, because playing by myself isn't as much fun as I would expect it to be, since it's a friend-centric game.

I have my good days and my bad days. On my good days, I'll laugh at anything and have the biggest smile on my face, which makes my eyes get all small and my face gets super wrinkly. I look forward to being able to show off my facial wrinkles when I'm older, because it'll show that I lived a happy life. On my bad days, I'll still be happy, but something's off. I try to put a brave face, because I would hate knowing I'd ruin someone's day, which is often how I feel if I confide in anybody, so I just bottle it up or vent. Sometimes I vent poorly, whether it's through harsh words or through shutting down completely, but I have my dad's bad temper and my mom's passive aggressive tendencies. It's not a pretty combination, but I'm usually laid-back. If I ever get angry, it's safe to say that you might want to reconcile quickly.

Sometimes, I hold grudges. Often, I hold onto the negative memories I have with people. I wish positive memories could be enough for me to get by, but for some people, it's something I cannot do. I know it isn't fair to hold onto the past actions of others, but I guess I just never got closure on it. If I can't understand why you would do something like that, chances are I won't get over it, even if you want me to.

I get insecure and I have days where I'm so confident that I'd catch a celebrity's attention when I walk down the street. In a good way, of course :P

I walk a fine line between reality and fantasy. I'd rather not have to deal with the consequences of my choices. I'd rather stay a kid, where the internet is forever and nothing hurts, where imagination and desire is all you need in life to get anywhere, where people are trustworthy and never leave over silly reasons. Unfortunately, I know I can't be a kid, so I'm constantly torn between what I want to do vs what I have to do. I always wonder why they can't be one in the same and when exactly we were told that what we want isn't good enough.

I use music to express myself, because sometimes my words just won't give a situation justice. Going along with that, music makes me emotional. If a sad movie is accompanied with great music, I'll be a mess.

I cry easily. I'd like to say I'm stronger than that, but I'm secretly a cry-baby. If I'm stressed out and you try to give me criticism for my choices, I'll cry. I'm certainly a tricksy slope when it comes to criticism as is. If I make a decision, it's like I need approval for it, otherwise I feel like I made a poor choice, so I usually don't do anything too crazy.

Sometimes I feel like I haven't fully lived, because I haven't done anything crazy. In comparison to my brother, I haven't accomplished much nor do I have the amount of close friends as he has and I feel like I have to be on the same level as he is.

Sometimes I don't think I deserve the friends I have, but I know they are NOT the type of people who would put up with me as often as they do if they didn't like me or enjoy my company. Sometimes, this is the only thing that gets me through my day. My friends show such kindness to me and I feel like I become a better/stronger person by having them in my life.

That's just a brief snippet of something that I've typed or said or thought at least 100 times over, but I'm writing this now, because even though I'm not perfect by any means, nor am I the girl who's blessed with the knowledge of how to dress well everyday or do her hair in a normal pretty fashion, I'm still deserving of happiness. I can't wait for the day when I meet someone who sees all my "horrible" qualities and finds them endearing and loves me despite them; I hope that when I find this guy, I can love him back.

That is all ♥