(Yes, I intentionally made the acronym RIBBIT & NOTHING [not an acronym] should ever be taken too seriously when said in a post that has a nonsensical acronym)
Some days my resolve shakes. Maybe that's for a reason, like maybe I'm making the wrong choice. Other times, I can't even imagine where I'd be otherwise. Well, I wouldn't have been pounced upon for starters, but besides that, there's always that "paradox" looking me square in the eyes as a constant reminder that I made a choice. I could take it back, but then what am I left with? Uncertainty and more doubt than I already have.
I keep having this resolve for massive change and maybe that's my problem - I don't change fast enough, if at all. I'm not even 100% sure of what I even want or what this blog's point even is. Maybe it's better that it doesn't really have a purpose, because that way I can just continue to drivel on in hopes of clarity. It probably isn't doing me any good thinking about this..
Focusing on the positives:
In 5 months, I've managed to achieve many things. I've rekindled old friendships and old friendships have grown moreso; I've met a whole group of people who are interesting and like the things I quietly gush about to myself; I've learned that no matter how embarrassed I am about a topic, nothing is going to change unless I mention it; I've shared more about myself than I would normally with people, such as exposing people to the wonders of Miyazaki or even just talking about what I like/dislike about the opposite sex with people I barely know; I've been face to face with jealousy and yet I continue to strive to be the better person instead of letting it overcome me completely (I'm still not perfect!); I've patched up my relationship with my parents; I'm finally exploring something I've always wanted to do, but never had the guts to do it before; I'm slowly realizing how difficult life is going to get from here on it, but if I keep those who are dear to me close by, I think I can persevere.
On the other side of the coin, there are but a few negatives:
Sometimes, I lose my way and don't know where I'm going - proverbially speaking, of course; I wonder if I'm learning what I want to be learning or maybe I'm just walking down the path that seems to be mapped out already; Even when I'm having the best day ever, the slightest thing turns it around and it often happens when I have no explanation for it - perhaps it's hormonal and I'm finally caving in to my lady side, but I shouldn't do a 180 without knowing why; Sometimes I get lonely and it's always for seemingly no reason - I feel empty sometimes, because I'm not yet comfortable talking about the things that are on my mind to those whom I dub my friends/family; I feel like everyday I wake up without remembering my mistakes of yesterday, like I'm living life in a comatose state where I see everyone moving in front of me, but I can't move with them.
In other news, Something Borrowed was so good and I busted up laughing during one part of the movie. Because of that, I have made it my mission to own the movie when it is released on DVD. It reminded me of a bantering session I would have with my friends :P
Now that this unknown post is over..
Some days my resolve shakes. Maybe that's for a reason, like maybe I'm making the wrong choice. Other times, I can't even imagine where I'd be otherwise. Well, I wouldn't have been pounced upon for starters, but besides that, there's always that "paradox" looking me square in the eyes as a constant reminder that I made a choice. I could take it back, but then what am I left with? Uncertainty and more doubt than I already have.
I keep having this resolve for massive change and maybe that's my problem - I don't change fast enough, if at all. I'm not even 100% sure of what I even want or what this blog's point even is. Maybe it's better that it doesn't really have a purpose, because that way I can just continue to drivel on in hopes of clarity. It probably isn't doing me any good thinking about this..
Focusing on the positives:
In 5 months, I've managed to achieve many things. I've rekindled old friendships and old friendships have grown moreso; I've met a whole group of people who are interesting and like the things I quietly gush about to myself; I've learned that no matter how embarrassed I am about a topic, nothing is going to change unless I mention it; I've shared more about myself than I would normally with people, such as exposing people to the wonders of Miyazaki or even just talking about what I like/dislike about the opposite sex with people I barely know; I've been face to face with jealousy and yet I continue to strive to be the better person instead of letting it overcome me completely (I'm still not perfect!); I've patched up my relationship with my parents; I'm finally exploring something I've always wanted to do, but never had the guts to do it before; I'm slowly realizing how difficult life is going to get from here on it, but if I keep those who are dear to me close by, I think I can persevere.
On the other side of the coin, there are but a few negatives:
Sometimes, I lose my way and don't know where I'm going - proverbially speaking, of course; I wonder if I'm learning what I want to be learning or maybe I'm just walking down the path that seems to be mapped out already; Even when I'm having the best day ever, the slightest thing turns it around and it often happens when I have no explanation for it - perhaps it's hormonal and I'm finally caving in to my lady side, but I shouldn't do a 180 without knowing why; Sometimes I get lonely and it's always for seemingly no reason - I feel empty sometimes, because I'm not yet comfortable talking about the things that are on my mind to those whom I dub my friends/family; I feel like everyday I wake up without remembering my mistakes of yesterday, like I'm living life in a comatose state where I see everyone moving in front of me, but I can't move with them.
In other news, Something Borrowed was so good and I busted up laughing during one part of the movie. Because of that, I have made it my mission to own the movie when it is released on DVD. It reminded me of a bantering session I would have with my friends :P
Now that this unknown post is over..
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