LONG POST but hopefully worth a read =]

So I'm looking at all of these arts & crafts ideas for my new living arrangements for next year, since I'll have a lot more room, and I came across this website that supports positive thinking. While it may sound silly, there was one question on there that I really wanna answer and you can choose to read it or skip over it, it won't be mind blowing or that entertaining to read, since it is after all 12:21am on a Tuesday.

What small act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget?

I know I've blogged about this already, but I have to give the moment credit where credit is due.

I've never had a truly emotional breaking experience. Some of the people who've answered this question on the website discussed strangers cheering them up from dealing with a loved one committing suicide or their cat dying, so in comparison mine is really tame, but the feelings behind the moment are still there.

I had been having a particularly bad day on January 14th and it was slowly becoming worse. I felt unnoticed, unappreciated, and rather invisible, because it seemed like everyone was skipping over me to do whatever they wanted to do. Since mid December, I had been feeling down in the dumps and questioning whether or not breaking up was a smart decision; I felt like I had an empty and unfillable void from leaving a best friend & a boyfriend. I hadn't done anything over Christmas break, except for lounge around the house pretending I had a social life, so when my parents came home from work, they wouldn't feel guilty. Then Black Swan happened and I connected back with friends before the school year kick started and that helped alleviate how lonely I felt, but it was quick fix, like downing a whole giant Pixy stick in 5 minutes.

What I needed was something more permanent and lasting, which come to find out, was something that is so infinitesimally minuscule that I seem idiotic/dramatic.

On this bad day, I was ranting and raving on Facebook about how pissed off I was and venting on the only place that I knew how. I didn't want negativity on my blog when I was already dealing with that enough, so FB was my only viable option. Lo & behold, the very first person to say anything was also the last person I expected to do anything: Austin.

I've known this guy for an incredibly long time; I'm willing to say around 6 years, possibly 7. Well, for the previous 2.5 years I've known him, I've slowly (or rapidly depending on how you want to look at it) stopped talking to him. I never saw him and on FB we didn't really talk, except for a few photo comments here and there, but even then it wasn't anything monumental. So he responded asking if I wanted to get some ice cream and we ended up having ice cream from 8 until midnight when his mom called to tell him he needs to go home.

I know I'm repeating myself, but for me this was the nicest random act of kindness, because I REALLY didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Me, who would ignore his texts and phone calls; the same girl who would say that he was my best friend, but now that I was dating, I couldn't talk or see him anymore. The fact that when I did see Austin, it wasn't weird and it was like nothing had happened? That to me was the most memorable act of kindness and I try to make it up to him every single time I see him.

Because of that moment, I feel like I can forgive myself for being a bitch to all of the people I ignored or mistreated, like I'm worthy of being forgiven by others. As silly as it may seem, it opened up a lot of doors for me, as far as experiences go. If I had known back then what I know now, I wouldn't believe that I could go from such a depressed funk to the goofy socially awkward penguin I am today. It seems so implausible to think of how far I've come and how far I still have to go to be the person I want to become. I am genuinely thankful for each and every random act of kindness that has come my way since then & I love my friends and family for being there every step of the way <3

I love Ashley (& Shelby) for putting smiles on my face and being good examples :P

I appreciate Watson for being a Squidward, so I don't get too full of myself & being there for me to rage at whenever I want =]

I love my parents for putting up with my moodiness & doing my laundry when I really should just do it myself like I used to.

I love Austin for giving me the means to open the door to happiness again <3

I love *Mystery Person* for teaching me that jealousy doesn't amount to anything. Maybe I taught this to myself, but this person has made me get so unbelievably jealous that it's laughable. Every time though, my mind is always racing too fast to account for all the options and he's never truly done anything to warrant me getting jealous over. For this, I thank you for teaching me to be rational even when faced with rage!

I love Blayn for being the total goofball I need when I'm entirely too serious & for teaching me that shouting what you think is never a bad thing and that anyone that thinks so isn't worth it.

I love Greg for actually making me stay on FB chat to talk about things even when he had a research paper to do. He's apparently as weird as I am and I'm thankful I have such a troll partner who sounds so monotone when he rages.

I love Tristan for being so passionate about what she loves and for giving me the nudge I needed to actually try cosplaying. I've always wanted to, but I always found some reason not to. She gives me the strength I need to stand firm in what I like and not be afraid or ashamed of it.

I love Travis for being my sidekick when it comes to making Watson's life miserable. His blunt yet goofy, flamboyant hyperness makes me laugh and his highfives brighten up my day.

I love all of my friends, new and old, for making me who I am today and if I could share that happiness with any of them for 4 hours, like Austin did for me, then I will truly feel fulfilled <3