I think of all of my friends that I may have treated badly over the almost 2 years I've been dating Ricky, I've mistreated one in particular the most.
They don't need to be named or given a shout out, because it should be painfully obvious. I've been best friends with them since I was around 13 or so; the year we met exactly is iffy with me, but I know that they've changed my life and made it a little brighter by always being there with a smile; I rarely ever saw them with a frowny face and when I did, I knew it was legit and I always wanted them to be happy. It's like they always know what to say and when to say something, like they have an inner clock that says, "Jessica isn't feeling so good, maybe we should say something to her", even if I haven't been the best friend to them. I'm never going to forget all the fun times we had - every other Spongebob episode is like a flashback, so many little things remind me of where I've come from and how far I've come to become the person that I am, and it's due to this person that I probably ever enjoyed my summers as much as I have, which is something that won't change.
I want them to find all the happiness in the world, because I know they deserve it. They deserve to be happy and be treated fairly and to just enjoy life like they used to (I'm hoping they enjoy life still but you never know, I mean if there's an absence of me in their life they can only be enjoying life a little bit). We used to talk all hours about silly things, from TV shows to hypothesizing about the future and how we'd always be there. I could never picture it to be any different whenever we talked about it, it didn't feel that weird to mention it, even when I never knew if it was for real or joking because it was right on the line.
One of these days I hope I can apologize to them for everything I've done or any hurt that I may have caused them. I can't now, because I don't have the right words to say what I want to say, but I will somewhere along the road. I hope it won't be too late and then there would be animosity - I'd hate that. I'd much rather everything be hunky dory all the time than know that they hate me for being a jerk, which I have been and I'm really sorry. I hate that I have to learn a lesson before I can actually fully apologize for my actions. I hadn't apologized to my one friend Matt for my stupid freshmen year behavior until I was a senior =/ I hope it won't take that long! Lo siento if it does.
I have to apologize to Ricky too, but that apology may come later because certain various factors make that apology more difficult :P
"There comes a point where you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn't mean you'll be together forever. It doesn't mean you won't hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it."
^^ this quote just kinda fit. hope this doesn't send the wrong message?
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