(708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

^ I'm sure I've posted this little gem that can be found on the ever-supportive example of the new generation, Texts From Last Night, but I wanted to post again. I can't help but read this and think of one individual in particular who shall not be named, but unfortunately destroys my innocence at random hours of the day.

College is considered the party years, but you don't need to be a ho about it =]

(Ten points if you get the mysterious message behind the picture and title)

*sigh*

ugh.

There's really nothing worse than life slapping you in the face with the past, when the past still hurts like hell.

I'm surprised I'm not already cowering in fear of the most inane things, because it really doesn't take much to send me spiraling into this pathetic panda mood that I'm in now. All it took today was a simple hello that was not directed to me, but rather the other person who was in my company. Reason it hurt, I knew the person who said hi and it just gets incredibly complicated from there.

At this point in time, I can't bring myself to study and all I can think about is, "To hell with studying those 23 chapters I'll be tested on for Anatomy. I'd rather sleep than study anyway."

So thank you, jerkwad, for causing this debacle.
Thank you, random person, for giving me this massive complex towards you that you personally didn't cause. It was jerkwad's fault, but you must suffer for being the way you are.
Thank you, jerkwad, for singlehandedly fucking up my life and psyche (if only this weren't an exaggeration..)

ugh, just ugh.

Jessica on Pole Dancing

the title is probably going to be the closest I'll ever be to that phrase ever in my life.


So I read an article talking about how pole dancing is basically a sport. Me, being the stereotypical Catholic girl, thinks otherwise, but only for a few reasons.

My main problem with pole dancing is the image that comes to mind when the phrase is even uttered. Ginormous (possible fake) boobs on an incredibly skinny woman stripping down to practically nothing, or maybe even completely to nothing, in a club somewhere. That's my problem. Pole dancing = sluts/whores/prostitutes in my mind. You sell your body for money and you can't say that's not what they are doing, since yes, they do get paid and yes, they will stick your thrown money into their bras or G-strings, depending on how classy this lady may be.

I think if pole dancing was done more tastefully, I wouldn't have such a problem with it. The women REALLY don't need to be in some stupid G-string and bra to dance attractively. It's like thinking, "I should just breathe air for a week, so I can lose weight." It's idiotic. You can eat more healthy, if weight is the issue, just like if you wanna dance attractively, you don't have to wear the bare minimum. You could wear a bra that actually supports your chest and underwear that isn't like some welcome sign for the nearest penis.

Yes, I will admit I could never pole dance. Why? I'm not athletically fit enough and I don't handle bruising well. Last thing I'd ever want to do is attempt to pole dance and get bruises everywhere on my body because I can't hold on to the pole whatsoever. I also have this sense of awkwardness whenever anything sexual like that comes up. I can't even handle looking at the mature manga section, because I find it embarrassing and weird to see that sort of thing. Gotta love Catholicism.

Despite the fact that you need to have tremendous body strength to pole dance, it's still just pole dancing. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of the male population want it to be a sport, so it's televised more often, if it is at all, but they wouldn't look at it as a sport. It's still sexual in a way that other sports aren't. Take beach volleyball for instance. This is considered sexual, because it's a sport involving women, but have you actually seen a match on TV? There's really nothing that sexual about four muscular, and I mean muscular, women with bigger arm and leg muscles than most normal guys. I see the appeal of women in bikinis duking it out over a ball, but at the same time, ESPN or whoever covers that when it's in the Olympics, doesn't hype up the fact these women are sex objects. That's only for the magazines and still images.

God, that's a separate rant altogether..

I think places that offer pole dancing classes, although sketchy, are a happy medium, because I'm assuming a majority of the women who go to these classes go for their significant others or husbands. That's perfectly fine. You wanna pole dance for your husband and spend copious amounts of money installing a sturdy pole into your house, then go for it. For me, the second it leaves the privacy of the home, it gets too slutty and immoral to be considered an "art" or a legitimate sport.

And that is my two cents on the matter =]

=]

Since this post will be as equally random as my other posts, I just have one thing to say.

Since the Gators are having a horrible season, I love how the Seminoles are suddenly acquiring a fanbase. Where were these fans when the Gators were on top these past couple of years? Probably in hiding somewhere secretly rooting for the Gators. Just something to think about, because I'm really tired of hearing about it.

I feed the fire by talking about it, so I'm just gonna stop now.

YOU LOOK AT IT!

I don't even have words. These are legitimate pictures and there are MORE of them involving the princes of the Disney realm, including Peter Pan, Prince Eric, Will Turner, Hercules, John Smith, and many many more. I can't even formulate a thought, except for WOW. You literally find all sorts of weird things on the Internet, I guess.

:/

Tale as Old as Time ♥

I'm kind of sort of obsessed with Beauty & the Beast. It's one of the cutest Disney princess movies =)

I totally emulate myself into her image right down to the pony tail and love of books.

This is completely off topic, but Lord knows this whole blog doesn't really make much sense anyway, BUT I have a major question. Who wears dark colors and decides to go for a walk/smoke in the middle of the road at night? Someone that lives near my house that's who. I'm not sure why that seemed like an intelligent idea, but boy do I adore the kinds of folk who live near my abode. No other place in the world could quite match up.

Sweet, Sweet Freedom

Pokemon: pissing off everyone since 1998 in the United States. This was the epitome of childhood besides Harry Potter, of course. I'm pretty sure I've never met someone who hasn't at least played one game - I've never beaten the first versions of the game Red, Blue, or Yellow. I've actually beaten some of the other versions, but that's probably more games than most other kids have played.

That picture above was always my least favorite thing about Pokemon. This even includes having to level up the Pokemon enough to defeat the Gym Leaders and that took countless hours. I would be in critical level of health, too much of a Scrooge to waste a potion on my Pokemon when I could see the next town in sight, when all of a sudden some stupid Pokemon would ambush me and fuck me sideways.

Thank God, Nurse Joy, had some magical serum to raise Pokemon back from the dead. Otherwise, I would have really cursed out Pokemon moreso than I already did.

The gloves look like a cup :P

"To me, gender-based facts are ridiculous. I’m not a huge fan of socialization based on gender. It frustrates me because I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy. When I was a kid I just played with action figures and climbed trees. And people always told me, 'Be more of a girl.' And then in junior high there was this pressure to dress for the guys. It makes me wanna vomit." (Ellen Page)

This quote is way too true!

I was always the little weird tomboy who would rather play outside than play princess indoors. I was so quirky that I named a lizard in my garage, Charlie, and would tell my friends that I brought my pet lizard to school/where ever I went! What's worse is that I still freak out whenever I see a lizard, because I think it's Charlie's babies. I used to traipse around sans a shirt, because I emulated my dad and brother, who never wore shirts inside the house. I HATED wearing dresses or anything that was supremely "girly" by my standards. I practically hated clothes in general, preferring to just roam in my undies up until I was probably 3 or 4, when my mom had to tell me it wasn't appropro.

I would do girly things too, like picking flowers out of the backyard, which I didn't know at the time that those were considered weeds. I'd bring my mom a whole handful of them and beam up at her that I got her a bouquet of flowers! I'd play pretend or make believe that I was a mermaid in the pool and that I was all sorts of different animals. I played with Barbie dolls and acted out little romantic scenes with my shampoo bottles when I'd take a bath. I swooned at Disney movies and all of these other movies I'd end up watching throughout childhood.

Either way, I was who I wanted to be. I left out the fact I've played video games and watched my brother play them throughout my childhood & that I've played with his wrestling action figures. I watch UFC fights now with my dad and occasionally my brother and his friends when he's in town.

Gender issues involving tomboys or effeminate guys are seriously stupid. People are people and that's that! I'd like to think the best girls are the ones who like video games and the best guys are the ones who can be sensitive and listen =]

OUR TOWN

(trust me, this post needed a random picture like this to break the mood)

Since it's the closing night of OUR TOWN, I figured I'd do a little commentary about this weekend and the many emotional roller-coasters this play has put me through just by going all three nights.

Friday night was opening night and there was 15+ alumni there who were all involved with the theater in one way or another, whether it was being a theatre kid or a techie or someone who dated theatre kids/techies. Point is, it was a brief flashback to high school all over again by having a majority of my fellow cast members there.

Saturday night was the night Quinlan showed up, which surprisingly wasn't an awful experience, if anything it was good or normal to say the least. This was also the night where Leann's mom said we were gluttons for punishment, a quote all too real for the next day when we showed up again.

Today, being Sunday afternoon's performance, was the most stressful event ever. While it was stressful, it was also weird or off-putting. I just felt like I blanked on how to act around my family. It was truly a bizarre situation and I love my family to bits and pieces, but there are very few things in the world that I will tolerate from my family.

I'll leave it at this - one of my many headaches/qualms about today -

If you insult/demean our theater (yes, I say our because I grew up as a person on that stage, so it is in fact partly mine), our actors, our stage, our performance, *insert other theatrical aspects*, then we have a major, major problem. Yes, I may not be physically on stage with them, but I know how hard it is to get the blocking, the words, the expressions, the emotions. Yes, I understand there will always be the most benign technical flaws, sometimes major flaws, but there will always be something SOMEONE complains about. The theatre kids/techies are my little family, no matter how many years come in between us or when all the kids who do know me have come and gone on to college/where ever. I'm pretty sure theatre in that aspect is the same, or maybe this is something strictly Verot related, but I'd do whatever I could for any of the theatre kids or techies, because of the fact I'm a firm believer that we're a little community that's gotta stick together because people judge us for doing what we do. I will swear up and down that Ms. Day is the best director I've met/gotten to work with and gotten to know & she's one of my favorite teachers from Verot. Insulting her is a quick fire way to getting on my hate list.

I don't care if you have X, Y, or Z at your school, this is what we have to work with, because we don't have an exorbitant amount of money from the state unlike public school kids. This is a fact you will soon learn, that despite the tuition kids have to pay, most of the money will go to the sports programs and very little towards other school activities. The arts seem to always lose out to the sports programs and I think this is the case unless you go to a school specifically for the arts.. or ya know.. you go to a public school. We don't have 1,000+ kids in each grade to pick from for our casts - there's usually only 30 or so actors and a handful of techies that run the entire show. So many Verot students see being involved with the theatre as such a stigma that nobody wants to do it and it's a shame. When I go to plays performed by other schools, I don't critique unless something is physically wrong, like a sound cue was late or something to that effect. I don't say the stage isn't as nice looking as ours.

Common theater rules to follow are simple - do not eat in the theater. It's not complicated. Yes, they serve food in the lobby, but that's where it's supposed to be eaten - in the lobby. A majority of the time the people who eat in the actual house won't throw their trash away. It's just common courtesy. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if a whole bunch of strangers walked into your home after you told them to take their shoes off, and then you'd find muddy shoe prints on your white carpet. It's the same premise.

Those actors and techies have been working their butts off, dealing with the late nights, pencil throwing Ms. Day, and the nights where everything didn't seem worth it. The least you can do is sit down, shut up, and enjoy without being so cynical/negative.

When in doubt, if you don't have something nice to say, then shut your pie hole.

HP Goodness

♥

OMG

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1 =

wow.
seriously?
OMG.
NOOOOOOO!
*silence*
aww cute!
that was a bit graphic??
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
*puppy dog eyes*

basically my soul has been ripped in front of me.

my reactions aren't necessarily in time with the movie, but still. I realized as I thought of my emotions, they matched the movie plot reveal so.. yeah.

movie = awesome and worth to watch, but prepare for your heart to hurt.

I'm tired. It's 3 am. I'm out like a trout, blap blap!

To be born in Venetian times..

Tonight, I will begin the quest for the end with dear Harry Potter and pals. I've heard many a rumor that the 7th book is just a mass carnage killing of basically everyone, so I'm almost prepping myself for feeling like hope is dead. My eyes have been storing up tears for this event should I start bawling my eyes out, because a character I loves dies. I really hope not...

I'd seriously be devastated, especially since I never finished the book. I think I might have started the first chapter if at all, but I never picked it up after that point.

My reason for this is because I have some sort of mental block making it so I can't complete series of books. I pour my heart and soul into a series and practically break down when it comes time to read the last one. I had this happen to me when I had to finish one of my manga series and it felt like there was NOTHING else in the world to look forward to. I put my purpose of existence into my books and it's such a loss when I don't have that anymore.

Yes, I'm weird for being oddly obsessed with my series' but it's normal. That's what my therapist tells me, anyway.

I'm totally kidding - I don't have a therapist. Seriously.

You are really dumb ♥

My brain just feels like shutting down and assuming the fetal position, while being cuddled up in the recesses of my cranium. Sleep is now becoming a luxury for my ailing mind as it deals with the stress that comes from school work/tests/the fail that is FGCU. I can't help but almost wish Christmas break wouldn't occur. My body cannot handle the long break, just to end up working hard again. I hope I'm not the only one that gets like this whenever there's a long break, because I do enjoy the breaks, but I know I'm going to be SO lazy the upcoming semester. This applies for both Christmas break and summer vacation the most, because those very rarely have stressful moments during them.

My blogs now say all of the same things, but you know what? I'm going to see Harry Potter at midnight tomorrow night & I'm allowed to be as nonsensical/boring as I like.

PEDO BEAR!

I hunger so much, yet my roommates have not cooked and it's nearing 9:30, which means even if I eat now I can't eat in the morning, because my stomach is slow as hell. But while I am hungry, I don't know what I want to eat, because there is nothing I want to feed upon. =/

CURSE THIS CONUNDRUM!

On the other hand, I destroyed my Asia paper and it comes out to be a whopping 6 pages of actual summary and the 7th page is my works cited! Hopefully my teacher won't freak out, but I legit cited every single line unlike some people who didn't cite at all. Honestly, if I don't get a high A on this paper, I will stand up in the middle of class and scream, "OBJECTION!"

Recluse Time is Nigh

I'm pretty sure any quote could accompany the cosmos/stars/brilliance that is space and I'd be satisfied. I especially like the phrase though, so that's that.

Tomorrow I shall twiddle my day away slaving over my Asia paper that I STILL don't want to do. Some people are already done, well, it's more like two people in my class. One is exceptionally good and the other not so much. It makes me realize in comparison, I may not be that bad off.

However, if my teacher will continue grading like a Nazi and make it so I'm barely at the cusp of an A, I might scream and cry tomorrow, because there's no hope for me crossing the 93 barrier. A minuses eat at my heart so much =(

Best Room Ever

This marks my 300th post, which means I will only have 65 more posts to go before I've met my initial requirement of making a post every single day! However, if we look content wise, I'm sure a lot of my posts have been lacking in actual good, inspirational, thought provoking stuff.

This is also a post to mark my incredible achievement of completely procrastinating on my Asia paper, a 4-6 page beast on a book I haven't finished and am only on chapter 7. BUT, I am studying my Anatomy like no other and whizzing through the study questions because I'm a beast. I also took care of that Lit paper last night whilst watching Harry Potter movies, which can only mean that my paper is equally as great as the H.P. himself.

Overall, I'd say my weekend started out rocky, but it's been really good. I'm reconnecting with old friends and it feels great, plus I'm having loads of time to chill/sleep/study/whatever I wanna do.

Unfortunately with this extra me time comes the fact I snack a lot and thus feel more lazy. I'm also putting off going toilet paper shopping, because I don't like going to Target to buy toilet paper when that's the only thing we need. I especially hate it when I'm purchasing that with one other item, like lotion or in the case for tonight, bread. Like Hyperbole & a Half covered in one of her blogs, I panic when items look suspicious with each other or where too much personal information is being delivered to the cashier, even if they probably don't care.

All I know is that if you were coming down my line to be checked out and you had whipped cream and nothing else, I will look at you and wonder what kinds of crazy shenanigans you will be participating in later that day or night, depending on when the purchase is made.

Eventually when it comes time to write that Asia paper, I'll kick myself in the butt and wonder why I decided to blog about whipped cream and other menial topics when something that's 18% of my grade needs to be turned in through e-mail and in person. I know 18% doesn't sound like much, but if we consider my past experiences in this class, you will soon understand the intensity of this paper.

Snape, Snape, Severus Snape

An era is coming to an end shortly and it makes me thoroughly sad =(

You were good, but not good enough

If only memories could replace the present, then everything would be better.

This is a blog to commemorate a giant step forward. I'm eliminating a negative influence for all it's worth, and maybe, just maybe, a positive will come out of it. Whether the positive influence is your doing or not makes no difference. I'm not sitting around for you to toy with anymore; I'm not someone else's baggage you can just push onto others when it inconveniences you. Sometimes you'll actually have to take legitimate responsibility for your actions, and I'm tired of sugar-coating it for you, because you're so god damn dense.

I spell things out for you and you won't learn or listen. What's the point in further communication when you won't take the moral of a situation and improve upon that? Oh yeah, that's right. There is no point.

So here's a challenge. If you want me then how about proving that you actually do, rather than acting like some pathetic panda or Quinlan where you show literally NO emotion whatsoever. No guarantee that this will work, but you know what, you honestly have nothing else to lose and I couldn't care less. You've padiddled for almost a month now, so you can waste your own time now should this actually be worth what you consistently say it is.

To answer your question, if you're even reading this blog, the connection that I was worried to lose was ultimately with you, because for some stupid reason, I gave a shit about you when you couldn't seem to give me the same treatment.

"There is a time for departure even when there is no certain place to go." (Tennessee Williams)

For every to, there is a 'fro

I can't wait until I'm out of this slump of emotional surging. I think it's really lame that I have to spend some of my nights feeling like a mute who is incapable of finding enjoyment out of anything, but yet intrinsic/extrinsic factors consistently put me into this mood without failure. It's like I'm trying to combine two opposing entities to make one simple, clear cut image, because for some reason, I feel like that's what I have to do.

Like I've been saying, I'm in a state of limbo, because I don't know where to go from here. If it's worth moving forward with the direction I've been going or just do my own thing while managing this crazy thing called life. I can't make a decision either. How am I supposed to make a legitimate decision when I'm constantly going back and forth on what is best?

I'm not 100% happy with the situation as it is and I feel like I should be. If I change my path though, I know I'd be the only one that's worse off because I'd lose a lot of connections and what not. It's just a really sucky situation, but I'm glad it's happening now rather than 5 years down the road.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time to be worrying about this, because of my interview tomorrow. I'll just focus on that AND all that other work I have to do before I fully become emo again. No guarantee, though. I wish I was as cool as Barney Stinson =/

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." (Henry Ford)

Sleepy Bear = Me

Now that I've accomplished one of my many requirements for this stressful week, I feel exhausted and tired. I find it amazing that my Asia test took this much out of me, but on the same token, I am not. Why, you may be asking yourself? I'm here to state that fact. I am not amazed, because my Civilizations of Asia professor wanted/demanded/required us to write two essays as well as answer 20 multiple choice questions.

Simple enough. It's a 75 minute long class, however, and our teacher wanted each of our essays to be two pages long. She gave us a tentative time schedule so we could pace ourselves; the time limit for each essay was 20 minutes with an overall total of 40 minutes of the class time dedicated to the writing of both essays, two pages each.

Common math skills dictate that to be exactly 10 minutes of handwriting each portion of my essays, a feat I'm not quite sure a human can do efficiently to acquire an A. I was so stressed out with the situation, that despite the teacher allowing us to start the test 10 minutes early, I still rushed my hand to write in a frenzy. My first paper was/is complete crap. It's a bunch of random facts garbled together like some poor kindergartner who has an attention problem trying to sit still and be quiet. It's clearly not my best work, but I can rest easy knowing I at least gave the facts out. That essay was one page, front and back on wide ruled paper.

My second paper, which was formatted much more efficiently, turned out quite nicely. It ended abruptly due to my hand cramping so ferociously that I thought my hand would fall off.

Even the multiple choice wasn't a simple, "What answer is this?" with choices A, B, C, or D to choose from. No, this test was some other amalgamous beast (let's pretend I didn't just make up that word, because my brain can't formulate the correct word. You'll just have to deal with my malaprop.) This test was mostly comprised of "Which statement is NOT TRUE?" with a random "Which statement is TRUE?" thrown in to shake me from my false sense of security. The choices varied from A, B, or C to, no lie, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H or I.

Fortunately, I let out a sigh of relief upon being finished and walked out with my hand connected to my limbs still and my brain secured in my head. I'd call this a success and the world can't possibly expect anything more from me until tomorrow at the very least. Thankfully, with the presence of friends and my Liege, I was given an extreme dose of social activity to get me through my reclusive tomorrow of immersing myself in the bowels of the human body OR typing up my two papers due next week. I really don't feel like doing either...

Curse you, Procrastination, for making even the most menial tasks, such as cleaning, seem more thrilling than fulfilling my education.

Confessions of a Lazy College Student

You never realize how important your roots are until you almost lose them. I'm not talking about hair roots either, although I'm sure that applies as well.

The moment you want to have a social life, college will kick you in the groin and steal your lunch money, because they can.

Speaking of money, you either have it, you want it, you need it, or you feel bad spending it. Usually there's no happy medium, because let's face it, for every hard-working college student, there's always a mooch.

Don't be the mooch if you can help it. It makes everyone feel awkward and secretly loathe you, even if you are amazing and can do magic tricks.

DON'T, I repeat, DON'T wear Ugg boots when you plan on wearing shorts that day. Your choice of apparel when you do this just confuses me. Is it hot outside or is it cold? You send me into conundrums I do not need to participate in.

You never realize how precious sleep is until you don't or can't get it.

You will most likely overhear or partake in a discussion chock full of innuendos or possible topics such as sex. My advice? Just laugh and go with it, because you meet/see some real crazies out there. In the end, it makes you appreciate your own sanity.

Facebook is the Earth born manifestation of a pit in Hell. It traps you in its vortex and never lets you go. Everyone's dirty laundry is up on there and you can't help but look. It's like a train wreck or seeing obscene strippers - perhaps it's a train wreck caused by obscene strippers, but the point remains. Pun totally intended.

You realize your sanity disappears with every attendance of that one particular class. Perhaps it's the people in the class, maybe the teacher drives you crazy with assignments, maybe the class makes absolutely zero sense. No matter what, this will make you question your reasons for waking up in the morning and NOT stabbing someone in the throat with a pencil.

WHO EATS OATMEAL DURING CLASS ANYWAY?!

While I loathe waking up in the morning, I cannot stand when I'm trapped in a blockade of people who refuse to walk faster than .5 mph. I'm pretty sure it's common law that the speed limit is the fastest walking speed humanly possible without sweating profusely and bouncing. I think someone needs to post up a speed limit for these slow walkers, or maybe get them their own path to walk.

Never walk too fast that you miss out on everything. Paradox I know, but still. There are some moments in life where walking and.. wait for it.. breathing are acceptable.

Food always manages to disappear rapidly, no matter what gender of roommates you have. Bear that in mind when you get those midnight cravings, because nothing can be worse than missing out on that ice cream =(

There's never an exceptional way to end conversation or maybe it's me. I have this problem with blogs too, like right now, I can't stop typing even though I need to study...

Laziness will prevail on most nights despite the workload, because tomorrow just seems like the "Adult Day."

Procrastination to the Max

I appear to be approaching a transitional stage of my life, which usually comes in the fall and spring time. During this stage, I experience a multitude of transformations in order to cope with the adaptation required for survival. My hair begins thinning and being pretty much crappy; what little semblance I have to call "nails" begins disappearing, despite my attempts to finally grow them out; I dress more slovenly, because I can't bring myself to care enough to look presentable; I get violent, moody, grumpy, sleepy, and all sorts of other negative emotions that override my generally complacent demeanor.

The reason for this transformation? The upcoming and most certainly dreaded week of FINALS.

As finals draws closer, my progression into madness grows more imminent and more pronounced. I start eating more, because food tastes good and who doesn't like to snack when they "study?" With this last month of school having to be pushed out like an infant who refuses to leave the security of the womb, I feel like bringing myself to study is a far too formidable task for me to achieve. I don't know what exactly occurs with me mentally, but my innate urge for more sleep and less work ultimately dooms me in the end.

Here's a smidgen of my workload, which wouldn't have been so bad if my procrastination didn't kick in to screw me over -

• I need to read a 585 page book by next Wednesday the 17th, as well as have e-mailed my paper to my Asia History class. My paper needs to be 4-6 pages long and it's on a book. Basically, it's a book report for my history class. There are way too many things to comment on with this one assignment alone, so I'll just leave it at this.

• I have an in-class essay for English this upcoming Monday the 15th, an essay in which I could bring a rough draft should I choose to be studious and save time and energy.

• I have a test in Anatomy 2 on Monday the 15th which encompasses 5 chapters. No big deal, right? Wrong. My teacher is so positively German that the accent has me drowning in a sea of medical verbatim/physiology I don't comprehend to the extent that he desires. You'd think honing my own German accent to perfection would help, but it really doesn't. Thus, the 14 page summary I did for the last test which garnered me a 78 means I need to work that much more vigorously. Did I mention I made that study guide for fun/educational purposes? No? Well, I did. I got a 78 for doing a crap ton of work and with my slothiness, I sincerely doubt I can motivate myself to do MORE.

This is a snippet of my life, not even taking into consideration the finals or extraneous personal matters, which I guess in the grand scheme of things don't matter very much.

My life is tumultuous, because I lack the aptitude to sit down and work. On the other hand, I've typed up this long blog post, which makes me feel accomplished. Let's face it, that's all we really want at the end of the day: the inner feeling of personal accomplishment. Just slap an Xbox achievement on that and let's call it a day, folks!!

Rant.

How about a good ol' rant to mix things up from the monotony?!

I'll be discussing a couple of topics, because my brain cannot talk about one thing without deviating in some convoluted way.

TOPIC NUMBER ONE


is this. Now, I'm almost positive you don't know what exactly I'll be talking about concerning this picture, but I'll try my best to paraphrase the story connected with the picture. This is a 5 year old who wanted to dress up as Daphne from Scooby Doo. This is a boy as well for those who couldn't figure that out by the child's face or shoes. This boy was going to a costume party with his friends from pre K/Church and he was extremely excited to go as Daphne - he even requested his mother to get the costume. Within the few hours before the party, he started having cold feet about it due to what others' would think or say. The mother assures him that nobody would say anything, because Halloween is about being someone/something that you're not for one night out of the year. Well, as you can imagine, the other parents were horrified at this scene of cross-dressing and berated the mother of the child for allowing her son to wear that instead of telling him to be something else.

MY COMPLAINT: I sincerely hate that this boy couldn't be what HE wanted. It's not like the Mom MADE him cross-dress; it was the boy's choice and decision to go as Daphne. This choice, in the long run, is not a predictor of "gayness." The fact that the boy himself was worried about what other people would say upsets me more than a lot of other things could. It's perfectly fine for Little Jane to dress up as Spiderman, but the second a boy wants to do the same concept, it's a sign he's gay. I guess my whole childhood of dressing like a guy/acting like a guy is a sign I'm a secret lesbian... Add to the fact that I enjoy video games, action movies, steak, and the fact that the color pink doesn't cause me to go into a girlish frenzy and I might as well be considered a man.

TOPIC NUMBER TWO


is this. This topic consists of Taylor Swift, her hair, the state of hair for most women, and make up in general.

Hi, TSwift, congrats on your many CDs as well as other claims to fame you may possess. As spoken by many other critics than I, my main concern with you is the very narrow range of music you sing and the convoluted image you portray to young girls. Love is not the end-all-be-all of emotions. There are other topics you could discuss/sing about. I can admit to not purchasing one of your CDs, but all of your radio hits say the same. exact. thing. When standing in Target to make a purchase, I can't help but see your face on a magazine because you were spotted with *insert male celebrity name here* and I wonder, "How long until they break up and she sings about it?" That's not something I should question. I'm pretty sure people don't wake up in the morning to ponder about my love life, so I don't get why they do about yours when you seem to date, dump, and write the crap out of love and your guys.

The pity aspect of breaking up can only stretch so far, because you have wealth, looks, and the ability to play guitar. At least, I hope you can play guitar. That's what you're seen doing in most of your music videos and I'll take it personally if you cannot actually play. Let's discuss your looks. Your hair grows and changes like a Chia pet, causing my head to hurt because my hair can't grow as suddenly as yours. This then gives me much strife as a female for I have the genetics of my dad, causing me to have oily man hair. I understand there are "extensions" and other unknown things women can do to their hair in order to put on airs about the length of it, but isn't that kind of like lying? You have this "all American girl-next door" vibe, but the amount of work you put into your hair and face says completely otherwise. Maybe this is my bias, but I believe if a girl doesn't look or feel attractive without make-up or their hair did, then they aren't attractive to begin with. I will admit I am fiercely jealous of your curls, which are probably created by a fe-male tool called a curling iron. Let's just add another notch to my "Jessica must be a male" belt, because I do not have the patience to do my hair in some extravagant fashion just so I can step outside into humid Florida weather, so my hair will frizz away my work. I'm half convinced I was born into the wrong gender category, because I don't have the inner desire to look like someone I'm not. I'm not going to look like a doll 24/7. I'm way too worrisome to bother with that nonsense. If I wanna run around in the rain, the last thing I wanna worry about is my other face smearing or my hair doing a magic trick by disappearing. Due to my extreme beliefs, I therefore think you aren't providing a good example for the chitlins of America because women and girls should be confident with their natural selves.

Society sucks in general and I'm thinking of moving to a deserted island to re-create a better world. If you want in, just let me know so I can officially purchase the party hats & let's be honest, would you really wanna be the idiot who doesn't get a party hat?

HI!

necessary blog! =] I'm really tired and sleeping at my parents' house so thus this ends!

Adieu =]

Night Night =]

I'm back in the saddle again

This quote basically sums up why I wish I watched this TV show more often/from the beginning.

"Seriously. Jesus started the whole "wait three days" thing. He waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I DIED yesterday!" and then they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and then the dude would be like "Uh okayy, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the exact right number of days, THREE. Plus it's SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, they're all in there "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD", then BAM! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story." (Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother)

Food

is the ultimate way to get to my heart.



This right here, this picture? It is 5 pounds of nachos known as Mount Nacheesmo. The ingredients for those who'd like to know are beans, shredded cheese, chicken, pork, beef, melted cheese, onions, green peppers, tomatoes, olives, and a spoonful of spicy queso dip to top it off. IT LOOKS AMAZING AND I WANT IT.

There is nothing better than a homecooked meal that tastes "OMG THIS IS AMAZING" good. I will literally keep eating to the point of gorging myself due to taste alone. Screw necessity and biological limits. I will eat copious amounts of delicious food with reckless abandon.

As you can predict, I usually have to deal with such consequences after. Some problems that occur from this illustrious feasting include upset stomach & fullness to the point where walking is no longer an option. Now I know there is medicine for upset tummies, but I have not found one to cure the whole "If I walk another step, I might explode" syndrome. It's a common occurrence in Jessicas such as I. I'm sure it happens to other people too, but it literally impedes my social life.

Many a time have I told Ricky I don't feel like walking around Gulf Coast Town Center because I quickly downed Moe's like it was a cold cup of water on a hot summer's day. Due to my disease, I try not to eat very much when out with groups. It's bad enough being the party pooper for a party of two; it's a whole other ballgame when you start adding more people!

This is a warning if you ever witness seeing me eat at a legit restaurant or mall, because you will see a human vacuum that is unstoppable for a whole plethora of foods that I cannot begin to list them all without revealing my deadly sin. I pray that people who have been witnesses will one day realize it's not my fault. It's food and man's fault. Things that taste heavenly are too delicious to put down.

I hope to someday tour the country like that guy from Man vs. Food. He's practically my food idol. I want to eat these delectable foods. I want to go to an ice cream shop that sells 5,000 different kinds of ice cream. YES, you did read correctly. I'll let that soak in, because the sheer awesomeness that is that statement needs a good 5 minutes to properly settle in.

I think this is why obesity is an issue. I can only hope to maintain my semi girlish/manly football player body that it shouldn't be a problem.

So Tired & Lazy

Yes, yes I do.

Commiserating

Kind of filled with doubt right now, so I'm not quite sure where I'm standing. It's kind of like a transitionary period I'm in. I don't really know how to describe it, but I feel like transitional epithelium where I'm just molding into whatever is expected of me. I don't know what exactly I am and sometimes I forget that self-doubt, which causes me to fill up with a sense of being. Bad part is it's practically a false sense of self because I don't know what I'm looking for. This just really sucks; it's not fair to me or anyone else to be feeling like this. I'm just not quite sure how long I can keep up this charade or whatever is going on. This depression/anhedonia is bullshit. I'm even falsely diagnosing myself, because I can't figure out what's wrong with me. The stupidest things make me spiral down and it doesn't take much to knock me off my happy throne. When I'm happy, I'm really happy. When I'm sad, I'm severely sad. I often don't feel like doing anything, because of how bad of a mood I can be in. It hasn't really affected my school work, I don't think, so I know it's not actually debilitating. It just feels like a part of me, a really vital part of me, is dead or in a comatose state =/

It's not even like today was a bad day. I mean, it was a pretty good day if anything. For whatever reason though, I'm feeling like this and it sucks. I think the stress of everything right now is just getting to me. Yeah, I hope that's the reason.