Commiserating

Kind of filled with doubt right now, so I'm not quite sure where I'm standing. It's kind of like a transitionary period I'm in. I don't really know how to describe it, but I feel like transitional epithelium where I'm just molding into whatever is expected of me. I don't know what exactly I am and sometimes I forget that self-doubt, which causes me to fill up with a sense of being. Bad part is it's practically a false sense of self because I don't know what I'm looking for. This just really sucks; it's not fair to me or anyone else to be feeling like this. I'm just not quite sure how long I can keep up this charade or whatever is going on. This depression/anhedonia is bullshit. I'm even falsely diagnosing myself, because I can't figure out what's wrong with me. The stupidest things make me spiral down and it doesn't take much to knock me off my happy throne. When I'm happy, I'm really happy. When I'm sad, I'm severely sad. I often don't feel like doing anything, because of how bad of a mood I can be in. It hasn't really affected my school work, I don't think, so I know it's not actually debilitating. It just feels like a part of me, a really vital part of me, is dead or in a comatose state =/

It's not even like today was a bad day. I mean, it was a pretty good day if anything. For whatever reason though, I'm feeling like this and it sucks. I think the stress of everything right now is just getting to me. Yeah, I hope that's the reason.