ONE PICTURE:

I decided to pick this picture, just because I don't normally show people this, nor has it ever been my profile picture. Plus, I'm repping my middle school (ugh) and my big brother :D

This was taken at my 8th grade graduation, in which I received a "scholarship" to Verot for like $500. I remember the reason I got it was really weird and nobody expected ME to get one, especially considering I wasn't nearly as studious as I am now. Well, not NOW per se, since I'm procrastinating on studying, but you get my point.

Anyway, I had to do the whole "walk up, get diploma, shake principal's hand, walk off" business and the principal stressed the fact that parents should not clap until everyone's name is called. You know, to keep the peace and what not. So my name gets called, I do what needs to be done, and right when I start walking off the stage, my dad yells, "I LOVE YOU!" I knew exactly who said it too, so I laughed and shouted it back to him, in which case everyone in the auditorium awww-ed.

Whatever scholarship I was given was probably taken away from me at that point, but that's just the type of person my dad is: he never listens to rules and he does what he wants. Since he is like that though, I think Bart and I turned out pretty okay, considering how our mom exudes srsbsns 24/7 :P

Like I haven't blogged ENOUGH music yet, let's just keep adding onto the many videos :P

TWO SONGS:

1. "Captivated" by Stefani Germanotta or Lady Gaga for anyone who would rather call her that. To be honest though, she wrote this as Stefani Germanotta and she considers them to be two very different people. Despite any of that, I think the song is beautiful and her talent carries over so fluidly. I love when she composes ballads, such as this, because it reminds me of the music I grew up listening, like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, singers who were so passionate and poured their emotions in their singing. Maybe I'm the only one that feels that way about this song, but it has an "old" feel to it that makes me feel safe and whimsical. I can't ever describe things that I love without sounding completely stupid... I just find the song really romantic and if I got to pick the first dance music for my husband and I, this would be it <3 I hope I can find a love like this. I REALLY hope I find someone who can make me feel like all of these things <3

2. "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem. Yes, I wanted to pick a COMPLETE song whiplash in order to tell a story :P when I was younger, I had a cat named Shadie, due to the fact she was grey and white, and me being young, decided that was the best name ever for her. When this song came out, I also decided this was her theme song, so whenever I saw her, I would sing/rap this song to her. I was 9 or possibly 10 and I thought it was the best idea ever. I was a very rambunctious child, so looking back, I respect my many pets for putting up with my silly antics :P

I will try my best to not select any Hayao Miyazaki movies, I promise :P

THREE MOVIES:

1. A Journey Through Fairyland. Could I have picked a more girly sounding movie or what? In reality though, it wasn't and I'm about to explain why. While there are "fairies" in this movie, this movie scared me in a way spiders do now. There was one scene in this movie where this giant Big Bad that was practically an Eldritch Abomination killed the princess and I remember just being so absolutely scared. It's a movie laced with classical music, as the main character himself goes to a music academy and plays the oboe, an instrument in which I have then come to respect. I've always loved music and wanted to play it, but I've never had the patience for it. Plus, there's a Puck character in this film who is so wonderfully mischievous and villainous, but doesn't convey it well. Truthfully, I'm just a classical music type of girl and this movie could lull me to sleep with it <3 It's certainly a favorite of mine and I never knew this until looking it up, but it was made by the Japanese <3 While it's certainly not as remarkable as a Miyazaki movie, this movie has a special place in my heart.

2. Milo & Otis. The opening song to this movie is such an ear worm, but I recently re-found this movie last year and just watching the first 10 minutes of it on Youtube sent me for a ride on the nostalgia train :P Nothing could be cuter than a cat and a pug going on adventures and I swear to god, if you watch it, Watson would be Otis HANDS DOWN. I bought this DVD, and much like whenever I would watch VHS movies with my dad, he fell asleep. I love finding old movies all over again and still being able to appreciate them!! From 8:00-9:35 is how I perceive him to act if he was a dog.

3. Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland. The ORIGINAL Nemo movie before Finding Nemo came out, which is also excellent in its own right <3 To be perfectly fair, there are only a few scenes in this movie that I remember, one of which being the bed flies and that there was a train they could ride on. I was very much into these trippy fantastical movies, if that hasn't become painstakingly obvious yet. I really want to purchase this on DVD, since I'm sure the VHS version is long gone from my collection, since my mother enjoys to sell my movies :C This is a description provided on a Youtube video of this movie: "A young boy, Nemo, and his flying squirrel, Icarus, are transported via dreams into a fantasy land named Slumberland following an invitation to play with the princess Camille. After breaking a promise to the king, Nemo's curiosity evokes disastrous results that require him to search out his nightmares to save the day." Trust the description too.. it's REALLY legit and scary for children!

I dare you to watch that movie clip and NOT be the least bit interested in the movie. So good <3

I'm such a child about movies and things :/

FOUR BOOKS:

1. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier is probably one of my favorite books that I had to read at Verot <3 I'm not even sure why I liked it so much, but if I had to speculate, it was because of how beautiful and mysterious Manderley was to me. It made me want to GO to Manderley just to bask in the eerie majesty of the manor. Mrs. Danvers always scared the crap out of me and even if I've read it multiple times, I still feel that sense of fear. It's also one of the very few book to movies that turned out well and I'd recommend watching the black & white version of the movie if you liked the book.

2. A Separate Peace by John Knowles. I always go back to this book for a quick and easy read <3 It's also just one of those books I read for fun, just because of how short it is. Then, once I start reading it, I get all sad and depressed, because it is seriously a bummer of a book. Plus, it always reminds me of having English and becoming good friends with Ashley and how we'd call each other the main characters =]

3. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley <3 I remember reading this over spring break junior year in high school for Dakin. I couldn't put it down for a second and I carried it everywhere with me when we weren't doing anything at Disney. I remember our waiter at one restaurant, who was unusually tall and fairly large as well, looked at my book and actually talked to me about it. He said that he had no idea why, but that he was always compared to the monster and it made me laugh :P It's one of the classics that I've read and it makes me want to read more of the "must reads".

4. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston is a new favorite and I just read it this semester over spring break! I originally wanted to read it when I first heard an AP group at Verot do a presentation on it, but it got pushed back, then the opportunity came up when in Colloquium, we had to read a book pertaining to Florida. I couldn't have picked a more interesting book. It follows the life of a woman named Janie and how she eventually found herself in nature and found her own definition of love. She lived her life based on how others told her to love, but she stands up and goes after it herself. There are so many good quotes in the book to truly go through them all <3 I highly recommend it.

(only now do I realize I should have put Verot/Anderson Theater down for one of my places. #opportunitymissed)

FIVE FOODS <3

1. Pizza :D I dare say it's my favorite food, just because so many variations of pizza taste great! It's not healthy, but wow does it taste delicious =]

2. Calamari <3 I've noticed this is an appetizer at so many places and it's delicious no matter where you get it! The very first time I had this, I was maybe 8 years old. We were at The Contemporary Resort at Disney eating dinner and my dad gave me some to try, not telling me what it was. I thought it was the best thing ever. Then he gave some to my mom, who is VERY much against eating something when she doesn't know what it's made of. She ate it and said, "that's a yummy piece of ham!" And then my dad told her it was octopus and she flipped out. Needless to say, she won't eat any of it ever again, which means when we order it, I get more to myself :D

3. Escargot! Yes, I love snails as an alive arthopod, but I can't help but LOVE escargot too! I had it for the first time I think, two years ago, and it was probably the best decision I ever made food wise. I felt really bad afterwards and whenever I see a snail, I feel remorseful, but seriously, you have to try it <3

4. FRENCH ONION SOUP. OH MY GOD. Provolone cheese melted all over the cup = love in food form. I need to keep track of who has the best french onion soup, because if it's offered, I usually get it <3 Even when I'm at my dorm and I'm super hungry, I'll just make some. It's not the same, since it's canned and I don't do the cheese/bread thing, but my love for onions knows no limits!

5. Samoas <3 These are the most orgasmic food for me and I've been saying so since high school. When I was little, I would DEVOUR them. Now, they are my guilty pleasure. When Girl Scout cookie season comes around, I HAVE to have even just one of them. I can barely control myself when there's a box nearby and I'm pretty sure I would beg for one. Just the chocolate, caramel, and coconut combination is too much for me to handle <3

SIX PLACES:

(I almost forgot to do this! I would have been upset!)

1. My house. I love my house to death, not only for the fact of my family and my adorable little brother pup who awaits me eagerly, but also because I was raised her since I was a wittle baby! Originally all the walls were white, except for me and Bart's rooms which were pink and light green respectively. We had one wall, dedicated to tracking our height growth every year too <3 Unfortunately, my stupid parents decided to paint over it with a forest green, but I know it's still there under the paint. Just everything about my house is my favorite <3 The giant Totoro tree is a major plus too :P

2. FGCU. I love the scenery around FGCU so so much <3 There's this bendy road that leads to the dorms and campus and it's incredibly beautiful to see the sunlight hit the trees so they glisten against the bright blue sky. It's breath-taking. I LOVE going on drives just to see it <3 Even when walking on the actual campus, I love seeing the giant "library lawn". It's just really pretty!

3. Summer camp. I met so many people there, who I still talk to and associate with now and I spent 4 summers there! It doesn't sound like much, but I have a lot of memories associated with it there =] True I have more recent memories to combat with them, but they are still memories nonetheless <3 I hope that old trailer never goes away or gets replaced, because then it wouldn't be MY summer camp anymore.

4. Butchart Gardens in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. If I could go back and just live there, I would. So so so so so beautiful. Pictures don't even do it justice. It's 55 acres of flowers and butterflies and these cute little walkways with all of these trees! It's gorgeous. It makes the inner nature freak in me practically squeal in delight. I took probably 200 pictures when I went there and of course something bad happened with the film and they never got developed :C

5. Blayn's dorm. I'm sorry. It had to be said. While I may not be in love with it, I like the people who live in it for always being random and clearly spontaneous. I'm pretty sure I laughed and enjoyed myself more times there than when I've been at my dorm with my roommates. I think it's just because guys tend to act more GOOFY than girls do. And now Blayn is screaming in my head about Goofy :P

6. Japan <3 I want to go. I want to single handedly rebuild the country with my spending prowess and BUY ALL THE THINGS! But I really do wanna go some day to see the cherry blossoms and eat food <3 You know, stand out in the crowd like I normally do, but this time I'd be the tallest person there. Possibly find a Japanese boyfriend, but who's looking? Not me clearlyyy.

In other news, I told my parents the Blayn/Greg situation and my dad asked me what I did about Blayn saying he liked me... I awkwardly looked at my dinner and smiled at him and didn't really answer the question. I'm not even going to think about that whole situation. It's almost exam week and then it'll be summer <3

SEVEN WANTS:

1. Summer! I want summer to be here right nowwwww <3 I just finished my last Colloquium class ever and I'm super depressed about it :C It was one of my favorite classes, plus my teacher was so totally awesome that it's hard not to fall in love with the class. I still want summer to get here thought, because I'm excited for sleeping and all the other activities this summer has to offer, such as, video games/movies with ashley and Watson, hanging out with Greg?, and doing my Nursing stuff and going to METROCON :D

2. May 23rd! On May 23rd, the Born This Way album is released and I shall finally be able to listen to all of her new music to my heart's content! :D Even if Blayn makes fun of her and says she's God awful, I can't help but love her and what she stands for <3

3. Peace of mind! I want to be able to have my mind not racing from all of the outside stimulus that I get or from all of the pressure. I've been relatively calm, but this whole peace of mind thing will especially wanted/needed once I actually start the Nursing program.

4. Brain bleach! Sometimes there are things best forgotten, especially when they plague me during my sleep. I wanna be able to sleep confidently without knowing I'll wake up with a headache due to stressful situations that randomly pop up in my dreams. It says a lot if just being around someone in a dream causes me a literal headache.

5. A smooth transition out of the dorms! I'm worried about how cleaning will go and transporting, because it's just going to be me and my dad moving out this year. Usually my mom helps, but she has to work. I'm worried about how much stuff we'll be able to transport since we got rid of the truck in order to get me the new car, which was an incredibly early graduation present. If the process could go smoothly, I'd be very happy :D

6. Everyone to be happy! For once, an unselfish want, but it's a want nonetheless. I wish everyone could be happy. It's such a silly wish, but I really think it could happen if we all just treated each other better, rather than with hostility. Happiness can be transfered with a simple smile or recognition and if everyone made an attempt to convey that, then it's a possibility <3

7. The ability to use magic! I want my room to be cleaned, but because I'm a Muggle, it won't work :C

EIGHT FEARS:

1. The obvious one being spiders and despite seeing them all of the time when I'm at the dorm, the fear hasn't subsided. Fortunately though, I can sometimes kill them without freaking out too badly, which is a step in the right direction. I wouldn't want my kids or any little kid in my family to see me react to a spider and develop a fear like I did!

2. The darkness outside scares me. I like being in my room when it's completely dark, because I have some control over whether or not there's any light, but when you're outside, you can't make the sun come back. It also doesn't help that my older brother and his best friend abandoned me in my massive back yard when it was super dark outside - I probably already told this story, but they were retrieving me from my neighbor's house, because I passed my curfew of 7pm. They did get me, but then they ran ahead of me while laughing and I tried my best to keep up with them. Since they were six years older than me, it was an unfair fight to begin with, but I tried anyway: I ended up falling, losing a flip flop, and crying my eyes out. My mom saw this and did nothing, except make them find my other flip flop, which they said they couldn't. #favoritism at its finest

3. Going deaf and/or blind. The thought terrifies me, because sometimes it can be a slow process, like with old age. I think the slowness of it all would even make the usually optimistic me have a mental breakdown. Never being able to hear music or watch movies, see the smiles of my loved ones and being able to hear them laugh.. there's so much to lose and no gain. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

4. The power going out/my battery dying. Even if my phone is REALLY crappy, I need to know that I could contact someone if I had to. That's one of the number one mistakes in a horror movie: you go to a place you've never been to and when you start to get scared, you reach for the phone and you don't have one or the lines are broken. Know that I think about it, I think sometimes you get no signal too.. but in that instance, I'm pretty sure I'd run like a banshee no matter what.

5. Serious conversations. I feel really inept at them, so knowing I have to sit down and talk seriously with someone makes me really uncomfortable. It's hard to convey what I really mean sometimes, so I'm scared that I'll say it wrong and give them the wrong impression. Plus, serious conversations are usually about something awkward, which I can't handle. I have enough awkwardness as it is without having any extra!

6. Vague plans. I am genuinely afraid of how plans will go and will think of the many possible ways they could fail. In a way, it's setting me up for success when I get proven wrong, but the hours before a planned meet-up takes place, I start panicking, causing me to leave early and then I'm there waiting for an hour, stewing in my awkward paranoia. It's manageable when I KNOW the people I'm meeting with, but this Thursday is freaking me out like it's nobody's business, because I don't know what to expect.. at all.

7. Vulnerability. I don't do well with opening myself up for others & I'm a bit of a recluse in that aspect - I don't handle getting hurt very well, so just being placed in any situation where I could be, causes me to feel scared. It's a double edged sword, because if I'm not open, then I'd end up alone but if I do open up, they could see that I'm not always fun or spectacular - either way has me afeared!

8. Whether or not I'd make a good parent or aunt. This is kind of explanatory as is, but my parents did a good job raising me, so that I didn't put focus on the things that don't really matter, such as expensive clothes or flaunting money with material goods in general. I'd wanna instill that sort of independent nature to my kids or niece/nephew, just because the little things end up meaning more. I worry that I won't click well with the personality of them and that I'll have to raise a cheerleader or a football player. Not that anything is wrong with that, perse, but stereotypically they have crappy attitudes. Me + brat = chaos.

NINE LOVES:

1. Spongebob <3 It's very apparent how much I love Spongebob and it's a safe bet that anything Spongebob related would put a smile on my face. I think it's his optimistic attitude and his innocence that makes me enjoy the show so much, especially when he's paired with the pessimistic, cynical Squidward. The show makes me laugh so much =]

2. Hayao Miyazaki movies <3 Once again, not a surprise, but I love everything about them. The fact he can draw up these magnificent stories with such beautiful music and scenery astounds me. I really respect him for his ability to produce something that's timeless and that all ages can appreciate for the movie's different facets. Well, some are more adult than others, but the fact remains that I love Totoro just as much as I love Princess Mononoke. His movies have shaped my childhood and remind me of what's really important.

3. My little brother pup Tito <3 I'm seriously obsessed with my dog, as I'm sure all pet owners are, but for me it's slightly different. Not saying I love my dog more than anyone else loves their dog, but Tito is my first. I've had cats before and my family knows how much I cried over their deaths, but I've never actually had a dog that I could play with. We had Cookie, but she couldn't ever be inside, because she'd get too excited, so I wasn't really attached to her. My pup Tito, though, gives me the biggest smiles and he's always happy and excited to see me when I visit - I don't think there's many feelings that can compare to the joy of feeling welcome and appreciated <3

4. Smiling <3 For me, there's nothing more beautiful than seeing someone's smile, especially when said smile just makes their eyes look even more radiant. Smiling like that just exudes happiness in such a way that it's contagious. Seriously, what's not to love about that?! I get so happy just being around people who enjoy smiling that it takes away any negative thoughts or worries I may have. To me, smiles are incredibly powerful and a gift to those who come into contact with you.

5. Music <3 I love how versatile music can be and how it can easily say the things I've always wanted to say. Sometimes I can't be eloquent and music provides my voice for me. I don't have a fantastic singing voice, but when I'm alone, in the car, or incredibly comfortable with those around me, I will belt out lyrics like there's no tomorrow. It helps relieve the tension and pressure I feel, leading me to feel free from any judgment. I can't think of any moment in my life that music hasn't been involved, even if it was having a song stuck in my head :P

6. My family <3 When I've experienced loss of friendship or a complete 180 in personality, they have loved me through it all. They accept that I'm a Hell incarnate when I get pissed off and even when they get on my nerves, which is a lot, I know they mean well. I would do anything to protect my family, especially Mom, meaning my grandma, but it applies for all of my family too. She helped raise me when I was younger & Pap Pap and her helped teach me math and spelling when I couldn't understand how change worked or why coach/couch wasn't the same thing. Words can't describe how devoted I am to my goofy family, but I would destroy mountains for them if it meant they could see the sunlight <3

7. Every person that has ever hurt me or made a difference in my life <3 While I can't forget the pain some of them have put me through, I have become better for experiencing the hardship. I'm trying my absolute best to see the silver lining with every negative experience, so that someday I can stand up for myself when the situation arises. Every single person that has been in my life I love dearly, because they have made me who I am today. I don't hate a single person I've met and I hope I never do.

8. Food <3 Because my palette is awesome, I enjoy eating ALL kinds of food, except spinach, which is only delicious when accompanied with chips and cheese. Either way, food, while it's yummy, is always embedded with feelings, which makes it the best gift ever! Not only do you get sustenance and nutrition, but you also get the passions from the cook and the hard work they put into it. It's like a two-for-one & it's absolutely legal! You don't have to consume an actual heart to receive a person's life energy - just eat the food they make and it's the same thing :P

9. The sky <3 To me, there's nothing quite like walking out of my dorm and being able to see the contrast of the green pine trees to the bright blue sky; it's literally scenery porn in real life. Even when it's night and the stars are sprinkled about the sky, it's beautiful. I could lay down and stare up at the sky for hours and I would if I didn't have to worry about getting burnt. It reminds me that I'm not as big in the world as I like to think I am, that the sky blankets more than just me, that maybe somewhere out there in the world there's someone else who enjoys looking up and seeing the clouds roll by. It also reminds me that while I may dream big right now, I can't touch the sky, because all of my worries and anxieties are weighing me down, but in the brief instances where I'm free from them, I can fly to anywhere I want to go and see whatever I want to see. It's a humbling experience, as well as an optimistic scene for me <3

TEN SECRETS:

1. I'm not as confident as I may appear to be. I put up a good front and try my best, but surprisingly, I am human in that matter, much to my chagrin. I wish I could always be the badass Amazonian warrior that I portray myself as, but I slip up sometimes. It's because of this that I often feel isolated and lonely, since I don't let anyone see that side of me.

2. I sometimes wonder if I'm learning what I want to be learning or if I'm just focusing on the money profit I'd get. My parents have always wanted me to be able to get a job where I wouldn't have to stress out about money like they do, so I don't know if this is what I want or if I'm just fulfilling their desires.

3. I'm incredibly naive. I put my faith and trust into people very easily, even when I know someone hasn't treated me well in the past. Because of this, I give out second chances like it's never going out of style. While it is one of my positive qualities, if my life was a play, my innocent nature would ultimately be my downfall.

4. I don't like buying shoes. It's just not something I enjoy just because my feet are proportional to my body, ergo, finding shoes that I actually like that fit me proves to be very difficult. Because of this, I really only wear two pairs of shoes and only one pair of flip flops.

5. When I get really annoyed and I mean really annoyed, to help calm myself down so I don't say or do anything that I'll regret, I imagine different scenarios of me punching/maiming whoever is pissing me off in the face. It helps alleviate the adrenaline kick I get when I hear something rage-worthy. It's really the only thing that saves me from having to go to prison.

6. I'm incredibly passionate about everything I like. I'm stubborn in that aspect, so a majority of the things I like now, I have liked for a very long time. Because of this, I'm very resistant to change, but it's been happening so much lately that it's getting easier to adapt. Lord help the poor soul who tries to convince me that what I enjoy is shitty though, because they won't be alive for very long.

7. When I'm having a conversation with someone, I always worry about my facial expression and if I'm conveying my emotions correctly. Sometimes, I'll tune out of a conversation just because I'm wondering what my face looks like and it's not even for narcissistic reasons. Due to this, I tend to over exaggerate my expressions that way my feelings can come across, even if it's mostly hyperbole.

8. Before I go to sleep, I always think of fantastic journeys and worlds that I could go to where I can be myself and not have any cares or worries. I look forward to sleeping so much, because my imagination can flourish and for those hours, I feel like I'm really alive. Sometimes, I'll just go through my day with the only highlight being that I can sleep. It might be sad and pathetic to look forward THAT much to sleeping, but for me it's my safe haven away from things that hurt me.

9. Some girls say they are tired when they are actually really upset and I can admit to being one of them. Being upset literally causes me to get tired though, because it physically exhausts me. If I'm able to take a nap while I'm raging or while I'm upset about something, when I wake up it's like it never happened. Not many girls can say that and it's something I take pride in. (By the way, the chances of the rage/depression leaving is about 80%, which is pretty good odds.)

10. I never know how to answer, "What kind of music do you listen to?" Whenever I'm asked that, I can't even formulate an answer. I don't really listen to a specific type and I worry that I sound pretentious and idiotic if I say, "I like all kinds of music." Besides, heavy metal and country, I'm pretty open to any music genre and it's not like I favor one artist over another for any reason other than catchy lyrics and a nice beat. It's the reason why my iPod is peppered with 90s music and music that wouldn't necessarily mesh together - I just like singing to the music and reminiscing about past experiences.