Video Killed the Radio Star

This video. I've had to have posted this at least twice by now, but seriously. Because of this video, my life has been changed. The way I speak and react to scary things.. you can thank this video.



This video. Watson made me sit down and watch ALL of these. Quite honestly, I am glad he made me do so, because this has also become a part of my diction to the point that I idolize a man who urinates himself passed the point of normal humans and no, I'm not talking about Watson :P I'm talking about the one, the only, OTACON <3

An Amalgamation of Topics

Yes, I, who have been pouring so much money into Metrocon, want to spend even more.

I did not go to Busch Gardens with my friends like I had planned to, HOWEVER, there is the possibility of me buying a formal dress for Metrocon that I may never have the opportunity to wear again.

I am contemplating on buying a Chinese dress, which is properly termed as a "cheongsam." This proves that I TOTALLY know what I'm purchasing and that I'm not a silly American twit who purchases things because it's "Asian" or "foreign." I never realized how giant I would be considered in China and how CRAZY they measure clothes there, considering I'd have to purchase it from there. Maybe they measure clothes in the correct fashion, but wow.

This dress would be for the formal/masquerade in which I think I'd look pretty bamf, but as Kim, Tristan, & I have discussed tonight, if I wore high heels, I'd most likely look like a transvestite. It's nice being tall, but appearing to be a 7' foot tall women will only get me so far, plus I'm not adept at the art of walking in high heels.

Graduation was fun. I saw many a familiar face and I also probably made quite the impression for those strangers or bystanders who did not know me in the least. I made an absolute fool of myself by waving at people and having them not notice, or in James's case, noticed but did nothing until I put my hand down, in which case he smiled and waved slightly. I screamed out my friends' names when they walked out to the courtyard to get their actual diplomas, causing the crowd to turn around and gaze upon my glorious visage.

What can I say, I enjoy expressing myself in social situations a little bit moreso than other people, even at the expense of myself and my self-esteem. Thankfully though, the hugs and camaraderie of the graduating class of 2011 made it completely worth it. I know that they are moving onto bigger and better things and that Verot is just the stepping stone for them. I'm glad I've known them for as long as I have and it pains me to watch them go, as will next year's class, but it's a part of life we all must bear through.

We gotta get through the worst of times in order to have the best of times ♥

And even though that's the case for the majority, I know for myself personally that Verot was some of the best moments of my life, however pitiful that may sound. I look back fondly and reminisce everyday, constantly wondering how I could have made it a better experience and looking jealously at the Theatre kids as they get to perform with Ms. Day as their overseer. I can't help it! Maybe that's my immature side that hasn't quite moved on yet speaking, but I hope I never lose sight of that, because then I'll lose sight of my building blocks, whether nicely planned or Tetris-fucked :D

Mixed Feelings

I'm a firm believe that the brown spots on your skin, formally known as freckles, are angel kisses. My dad's always told me that the few freckles I have were given to me by angels while I sleep, which I suppose sounds pretty creepy. Nonetheless, it always made me feel good. Why? Because I have a lone freckle on the top of my right hand. (JESSICA FACT: totally the reason why I know my right from left, btw)

*cue me and my romanticism*

When I was in elementary/middle school, I always dreamed that the angel kissed my hand in that whole chivalrous old school way and would always look out for me when I would act like an idiot. I couldn't really explain how many life-or-death situations I've been in due to my own stupidity or my body's failure, so angel kisses seemed like the natural choice =)

"You may not believe it, but you're my angel. You bring joy, but you don't know it. You guide me when it's hard to see, and I don't know which way to go. You do it with your beautiful face and glowing smile. I promise if you hold me close, I won't let anyone hurt my angel."

Do You Believe in Magic?

I wish everything was sprinkled with more magic nowadays. There's way too much cynicism in the world and I feel like kids are growing up way too fast. Where's the good cartoons on TV? True, there are still some good ones, ie. Spongebob, Penguins of Madagascar, some people really like Phineas & Ferb so I'll count that too. But why are there stupid, inane girls on Disney channel and Nickelodeon nowadays? Hannah Montana & iCarly both suck - how are these good shows for girls to be watching? Lizzie McGuire was a good show: why? because guys could watch that show too without feeling like their sexuality would be questioned.

With kids growing up so fast, it's like they are completely skipping the 'dream' phase where they could be whatever they wanted to be, where they could be content playing with action figures or Barbie dolls or even just stuffed animals. Why is magic so bad? Why are kids just being told at young ages that Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny aren't real? They are very much alive and real. I believe in Santa Claus and I'm almost 19 (August 9th can't come soon enough =P ) It isn't childish to believe in them. Why is magic and fantasy and imagination feel like it's taking a backseat with everyone, not just adults but with the kids too? Why do kids have to suffer with reality when NOW is the time they should be enjoying their dreams and feeling like the sky is the limit when it comes to dreams?

I really wish kids weren't being exposed to such stupid television shows, but more than that, I want them to believe in themselves, because it seems like this trait dwindles. I love seeing kids when they embrace their childhood and act silly - I'm completely dedicated to being a goofy, incredibly childish, immature teenager/adult. If kids can't celebrate being kids, then I will =)

"Sweet, crazy conversations full of half sentences, daydreams and misunderstandings more thrilling than understand could ever be."

Soaring on Air

One of the greatest feelings in the world is being thanked for something. It doesn't have to be a big or extravagant event to warrant a thank you, but it always feels good knowing that someone somewhere benefited from what you did.

Lately there's been a lot of Facebook drama within Verot, and normally I wouldn't care, but since it's my summer and I literally have nothing to do, I just sit on Facebook refreshing the page. From where I stood, it was a bunch of senior girls talking about a sophmore girl, and that alone struck a chord in me.

These senior girls were from Verot, which praises all that is Catholic and Salesian, first of all, but most importantly, they are seniors. Why are seniors that are supposed to be setting a good example as young adults about to embark to college acting like they are in middle school? I don't get it. It's almost understandable when you're a sophomore/freshmen to participate in stupid shit, but seniors are supposed to be mature and not stoop to such childish tactics like posting Facebook statuses calling someone out.

What makes this matter also important to me, was the fact that the sophomore in question was one of the girls in my freshmen retreat group when I was a leader. That basically sealed the deal, because I would normally be too scared to say anything to anyone about how they act. The girl may or may not have done something wrong, but the point of the matter is that seniors shouldn't be acting like little girls and should be acting like young women.

So I said something on the ringleader's status, along the lines of "This is kinda childish and immature, don't you think?" I don't know what response I wanted from what I said, but it felt good to stand up for something when I felt like no one else would. Everyone else was praising the girl for tearing another apart, and I don't see the glory in that, I really don't. Once the girl got out of school she commented back with an immature response, but like I said I didn't know what type of reaction I was expecting or looking for in the first place.

But what really got to me and what really made me proud happened later that night. I was still on Facebook and I noticed that I received a message. I thought it was from Ricky because he was being a dork and decided to message me while texting me, but it wasn't from him. It was from someone I've never talked to before and someone I don't really know from Verot. The sender thanked me for what I said and really appreciated that I stood up to someone who intimidates others into not speaking out. I'm not gonna lie, in that split second I felt like a superhero saving people with one sentence at a time.

Superheroes aren't necessarily born with super powers like agility, flight, web-slinging; superheroes are made when they will stand up for what they believe in when no one else around them will.

So yeah, I kinda need to work on the whole "meek and humble" aspect when it comes to my accomplishments, but I'd like to think I'm not bragging so much as just saying that standing up for others should occur way more often than it does =)

"Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they have half the strength you think they have." (Vincent Peale)

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning

You know how in movies or in real life, people will pass away and their final words will be forever known to others? Even the most imbecilic person has at least heard of Julius Caesar's last words, "Et tu, Brute?" before he was assassinated by his close friends/peers. Well, the reason why I bring it up is because I really want to be able to say something awe-inspiring or cool when I do pass. Of course, the moment I try to orchestrate and practice what I wanna say is the moment it will suck and fail. All I know is that I hope I find as much solace and peace with everything as all famous people seem too.

Thomas Edison's last words were, "It's beautiful over there." I don't know where there is, but I hope it's beautiful ♥

My Purpose

I've been messed with, let down, and played too many times. I wonder what people think of me too much and I'm way too judgmental. My heart is big, but I have my selfish moments. I boast about my confidence when in reality I'm just insecure and longing to be accepted. I love to be in big groups but I love to be alone. Every song on my iPod has a special memory or a regret behind it. I don't like going through old pictures because I miss what used to be or who used to be there for me. I'm stuck in the past with my eyes on the future and I often forget about the present. I'm willing to let go of friends so I won't burden them anymore, to stop talking to them so they can find other friends even if it kills me inside and it's not what I want to do. I have all of these barriers in my mind that prevent me from seeing that I'm worth anything. When it comes to pity parties, I'm the reigning champ. I tend to over think things and trust way too many people just to be betrayed. I have the people I'd love to pack up and leave with, and there are some people I wish would just disappear. I don't cry very often, but when I do, I can't stop. I'm full of contradictions and I can't easily define myself. I'm not strong like I try to make myself out to be. I'm afraid of taking chances when I desperately need to so I can redefine my life. I can't handle being compared with other people because it makes me feel like I can never live up to my expectations. I hate being told what to do. I'm incredibly stubborn. Mixed with my nasty temper and attitude problem, I'm not the girl you should mess with. I'd rather silently take comments made by strangers than to stand up for myself. I won't say anything when you take crap about me, but I never forget it. I'm incredibly spiteful and will dish out revenge triple-fold what was done onto me. I hate the word goodbye and I wish it didn't exist. I wish all the time that I could teleport because I never feel like there's enough time for all of the things I want to accomplish. I'm racing to grow up, but I'm clinging to my childhood like the plague. I feel pressure all of the time to become something that I'm not. I hate liars even though I lie myself. I have hidden secrets that even I don't know. I'm jealous of other girls because I feel inferior to them in many aspects. I don't drink or smoke because I feel like that is only for the weak and boring people that don't know how to have a good time normally. I have this inner need to make people happy that often conflicts with my own happiness, but to me it's always worth it to see other people smile. Once my trust is broken, it takes awhile to fix it. I'm not a one-night stand kind of girl and I never will be. I'd rather be lonely and single the rest of my life than to marry or date someone with extensive dating experience. Sad part is that might actually be my preferred way of living if I could just depend on myself. I hate leaning on others, but I'm secretly just waiting for someone to reach out to me. Sometimes I don't practice what I preach and I slip up and I make mistakes. Sometimes I'll even repeat mistakes because I can't seem to learn a lesson about anything. I'm naive, but I'm getting hardened to avoid getting hurt anymore. It will always sting when I do though, especially when I least expect it.

And even though I know all of these little things about myself, I'm still searching for my answers. I'm still painting my life's portrait and I hope that it turns out beautiful, that maybe everyone would come out and see and realize that I'm an example of an imperfect life among the perfection of now. I've had faults and vices; I've been guilty of being a horrible friend and girlfriend. But despite all of that, I want people to see me and realize that even though I may have been that girl, that I've lived my life exactly how I wanted to and I wouldn't let anyone or anything dictate how I should live my life.

It's my life. If you don't like how I live or if you don't like me, then gtfo of my blog, 'kay?

=)

Why, hello there, Mr. Lovebug

I remember when I was just learning how to talk, one of my first sentences and also what my parents joke about being my first word (not quite sure on the accuracy of that statement though) was me trying to quote Thumper from Bambi when he says, "Eating greens gives you long ears and great big feet!" But I'm pretty sure when I said it, it was just nonsensical stuff but at the very end of the line, I would throw my hands up in the air and scream "EET!"

I almost wish my parents recorded me doing this, although I can remember doing it. I just think it'd be goofy to watch little Jess speaking baby talk and getting so excited over something so small.

I used to watch Bambi and other Disney movies religiously, as well as other more obscure movies, like The Thief and the Cobbler, Totoro, Gay Purr-ee, Fievel, etc. Disney movies practically raised me. Dad would put in whatever movie I felt like watching at the time into the VCR machine (I still have a majority of the VHS's except for the Little Mermaid one, and I'm almost positive we had one of the "special" boxes with the picture on it! I was so upset when I found out there was a hidden picture on it, only to find out my mom had sold it) and then he would fall asleep on the couch as I sat right in front of the TV gazing up at it. I would be sitting on my baby blanket with Minnie Mouse all over it, watching princess movies and every other movie imaginable, over and over again. I would be content watching the same movie more than twice a day, in fact I was thrilled at the thought! I would put the VHS in our dandy VHS rewinder that resembled a car, and once that was done, I'd put it back into the VCR to enjoy the cinematic adventure again =P

I miss those days a lot - I think everything was much more simple when it was just a girl, her baby blanket, and a bunch of Disney movies to provide her entertainment =)

^ totally rhymed, completely unintentional

Flower: "Well! What's the matter with them?"
Thumper: "Why are they acting that way?"
Friend Owl: "Why, don't you know? They're twitterpated."
Flower, Thumper & Bambi: "Twitterpated?"
Friend Owl: "Yes. Nearly everyone gets twittepated in the springtime. For example: You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop and you completely lose your head!"
Thumper: "Gosh, that's awful."
Flower: "Gee whiz."
Bambi: "Terrible!"
Friend Owl: "And that ain't all. It could happen to anyone, so you'd better be careful. It could happen to you.. or you, or even.. yes, it could even happen to you!"
Thumper: "Well, it's not gonna happen to me."
Bambi & Flower: "Me neither."
(Bambi ♥)

It's Pi Day!

Purple prose is a magnificent addition to society as a whole. What could be better than expressing yourself so eloquently and pragmatically, as the prose that which is purple in origin and pulchritudinous in speech? It's like eating a mandarin orange on a hot, blistery, summer's eve under a canopy of flowers: daisies, daffodils, marigolds, irises, honeysuckle, toadflax. Smelling the sweet aroma of a nectarine as the sun kisses the horizon and bids it adieu until the next morn when it will brush the succulent coast with its radiant beauty. With such a majestic scene playing out before your very orbitals, which we use primarily for our visionary misadventures, how could one not revere the pure simplicity of such poetic language as this?

I practically have to bridle myself from the sheer ecstasy of the moment that I am now encompassing, for my feeble mind cannot grasp the alluring, sublime nature of such an articulation as purple prose with its vast emporium of panache.

"Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted." (Sylvia Plath)

Pop the Bubble!

Whenever I eat Skittle, I always segregate the flavors into their own sects. Purples with the purples, greens with the greens, reds with the reds, yellows with the yellows, orange with the oranges, and now I think I'm just making up flavors for Skittles! I'm pretty sure I've always done this because I'm completely obsessed with saving the best for last. Naturally the red ones are always consumed last, sometimes first, but rarely ever at random. I subconsciously separate the colors, because I know what I like and I can't help it.

The few times I won't divide up the colors is when I'm doing Skittle shots, which are very delicious and a fun form of competition which I excel at =] I can't really remember how or why we started doing Skittle shots, but it happened during junior year lunch. We would go and buy a pack or two of Skittles and then bring back a lot of the little ketchup containers to our table. Evenly dividing Skittles, we would count to three and chug them and whoever finished eating them the fastest won - I was the reigning champion! It really hurts your jaw though after awhile if you put in too many in the cup, but it's totally worth it to participate in.

"I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours." (Bob Dylan)

I love little girls, they make me feel so young ♥

I wish I could take a bath. I never played with rubber duckies in the bath tub though, just with my L'Oreal Shampoo bottles and occasionally some of Bart's wrestling action figures when I was younger. Mostly I had to improvise with the shampoo bottles though. Come to think of it, I don't know why Bart had his wrestling dudes near the bathtub or even in the bathroom to begin with. I guess it's some secret guy thing. Any-who, I always loved taking baths. My mom would have to tell me to get out of the bath because I would sit in it for two hours just playing make-believe. I would create scenarios where my shampoo bottles loved each other but didn't know how to tell the other. Then, I would bring in a rival (cue one of Bart's action figures) that would try to get the girl shampoo bottle away from the boy shampoo bottle. I'm pretty sure it was a continuous story, so it never actually ended in one bath. I was a little mini soap-opera director at a very young age.

I'm pretty sure the shampoo bottles ended up together, if anyone was actually curious about the fate of my shampoo.

"We live in a rainbow of chaos." (Paul Cezanne)

I wish I was in a band =(

I'm the kind of girl who kicks the soda machine because it ripped me off. The kind who skips with friends in the mall, just because. The kind who can always win an argument because I start to get illogical. The kind who likes to get noticed. The kind who is afraid of everything, but won't admit it. The kind who will hug you without knowing your name. The kind who will talk for hours on the phone when you might not even be there. The kind who doesn't order a salad on any dates. The kind who doesn't really know who she is, but will never forget what she isn't. The kind who has a hard time letting go. The kind who has OCD traits and just wants everything to be perfect. The kind who wants to find the one, and thinks that she may have. The kind who listens to the rules and follows them; for the most part, anyway. And most of all, I'm the kind of girl who wants to change the world: one smile at a time =)

"Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed and I ask,

'Is it all worth it?'

And then a voice says,

'Who are you talking to?'

And another voice says,

'You mean, to whom are you talking?'

And I say,

'No wonder I lie awake at night.'" (Charlie Brown)

And then I saw a turtle ♥

I think if I could be any type of animal, I would pick some sort of cat. They are the most bizarre and eccentric animals; one moment they are laying peacefully and lazily on the floor, then the next minute they jump up and pounce to another part for no reason. This happened during a visit to the pet store, and I just busted up laughing because the cat was so goofy =) I love when cats do things like that because it's not what people are expecting. I like cats' predictable unpredictability.

Don't get me wrong, dogs are also high on my favorites list. But it's something about cats that just automatically draws me in - it could be the fact I'm more like a cat than I am a dog. I sleep a lot, and when it comes to going out, I either wanna go out or I'd rather just lay around all day. I have the oddest behaviors and sometimes get into these moods where nothing I do or say makes sense. For instance, one night after watching an episode of Ni Hao, Kai-lan, I started watching the show after it, Yo Gabba Gabba, and I could not stop laughing at all to the point that both Ricky and his dad were concerned because they hadn't heard me laugh that hard before. I don't know why exactly I was laughing, but it was one of my more bizarre moods where everything is hysterical (no drugs necessary).

"We're all a little weird. Life's a little weird. When you find someone whose weirdness is compatible with yours, you fall into mutual weirdness together." (Robert Fulghum)

Case of Melancholia

... but in a good way of course. If there's one thing I really miss from high school and in general, it's being on stage performing. I always loved doing it - memorizing was so much fun to me and being able to read scripts and portray the character was something I enjoyed. Sure, my affinity for Ms. Day, the witch of the theatre, may have influenced my love for all that is theatre - even this is an understatement. I love going back to the Anderson Theater and remembering all the play practices, all the funny moments backstage and during auditions, all the high school drama (no pun intended, of course =P), and just all of the little words of advice Ms. Day would give us about life in general. I really wish I could go back and just stay in high school forever so I can be around her more and do what I like doing.

I'm such a complicated, complex person that I don't know if I'll ever find an occupation that actually pleases me through and through =/

"The stage was our school, our home, our life." (Lillian Gish)