I love having excuses for putting pics of myself up =P

For what feels like a really long time, I would get really self-conscious and beat myself over my.. measurements I guess we could say. I would love to say pre-boyfriend, I didn't have these issues, but I kinda did; they just weren't as prevalent or on my mind as they have been lately.

I always hated the fact I seemed disproportionate: small up top but curvy hips. You can imagine my disdain for dress shopping and clothes shopping in general, so I always just bought baggy clothes because it was way easy to do that than to go through the torture of not "looking good in anything that was actually form fitting."

I have the worst self-esteem issues, and a lot of them are unwarranted but they still happen, whether or not because of the comparison between Ricky and I or anything else like that. But one major facet was always my bra measurements - I'm not really ashamed of my size but I always hated being lumped into a category of girls that are known for being flat chested. I'm not flat - there's clearly 2 things there on my chest, but I'm not like va-va-voom voluptuous where I can wear a tank top and all you see is the cleavage furrrow of my bosom (bio humor ha!).

I feel like by society's standards, I should be a B or more. That me being an A makes me inferior, because honestly, how many girls in movies are ever a size A and also attractive looking that end up getting the guy in the end. All that's popped in my head is Keira Knightley, who is one of my favorite actresses. Why? Because she doesn't sell out and just buy implants. She's attractive the way she is, and she works around it. True, she's not disproportionate like I am, but she still looks good.

Point of the matter is, I'm tired of hearing about 18 year olds getting breast implants as Christmas presents, graduation presents, or anything like that. I'm just physically against everything that's fake that people, mainly women, are buying into these days. "Want to lose wrinkles in your face fast? Get some Botox!" "Tired for being known for being 'less than a handful' with your boyfriend? Get some implants!" "Tired of that stubborn belly fat? Let's suck it out with our handy dandy vaccuum!" Which if that doesn't paint a funny picture, I don't know what will.

I wish people were more accepting of things out of their control. I'm pretty sure there are no cures for small boobs or other imperfections of the skin. I'll admit when I hear products on TV that will decrease appetite or make you lose weight fast, I wanna call in and get my free sample that's being tested on people to become FDA approved. I'm just as insecure as every other girl and guy on the planet; yes, guys are insecure too. I wish society wasn't shoving the ideal down our throat of "bigger is better." Maybe it is better, but I'd much rather have what I've been given, then go out of my way to spend money for something fake, for something that I would always know is fake, for something that if my little girl looked up to me and said that when she grows up she wants to have a chest like me I would always feel like crap because that wouldn't be natural on me.

I hate how girls will do these things to get attention.

Listen, if a guy doesn't like you because your "boobs are too small", he's a jackass in the first place. Why would any girl want attention like that from someone who shouldn't even say something like that to anyone? Same with girls, although I don't think guys can change their sizes. But seriously? Are relationships really just going to boil down to being the biggest and having the biggest? If standard relationships are just gonna be like that, I would much rather live alone and be a crazy cat lady then have to subject myself to feeling like crap over things I can't change.

I can't change the fact that my chest is slightly small for an 18 year old girl, especially when looking through society's eyes. I can't change the fact that I have big hips, I really can't - I could lose as much weight as I wanted there, but the fact of the matter is, my hips are made for birthing babies and that won't change with exercise or dieting or the super pill for the gullible idiots that buy into advertising.

I hope to one day be completely okay with myself and not beat myself up for things. I really wanna be that type of person, so I'm trying.

Oh, and just so we're clear. Anyone that says women buy implants "for themselves", that is such bull. Women wouldn't want implants if there were no men here. The Amazons were completely fine with just having one. Wanna know why? Because they were way too BA to worry about appearances.

"We're women. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it." (Sliding Doors)