Hello, my name is Jessica and I'm incapable of comparing two characters I love without having a tinge of bias.

Even when I ultimately admire one character more so over the other, I can't deal with people belittling the other's intentions, especially when ignoring the fact that BOTH of the characters, not just one, have been jerks at some point.

sitting in my shame

WHAT I LEARNED IN CLINICAL IS

So, last night was my last critical care clinical (not like we had very many, just two) and it was interesting!

I got to my unit super early and obviously nervous/excited, because it'll be the type of unit I'm on starting March, but the night certainly dragged.

It started feeling like a slow crawl at 8 pm and there was SO much night left.

Lessons learned:

1. 6 beers, rum, + Jager (that looks beyond weird. Germany, why?) = just enough alcohol to be kicked out of somewhere for disorderly conduct. But you shouldn't stop there, yelling at the cops who are flashing their flashlights at you is a much better and smarter alternative. You only turn 40 once! And they'll only have you in jail until you sober up.
2. If my family was in the ICU, I'd hover over the nurses taking care of my loved one too. Can't really blame her for doing that, even though we were doing all we could for someone who's prognosis was really bad.
3. Bring more than one book. Never underestimate the power/longevity of a slow night shift.
4. The cafeteria, at least where I was, is open at 2 am. This does not necessarily mean you should eat there.
5. Always make sure you can go back in the way you came, otherwise, you have five flights of stairs in the sketchy part of the hospital to go up.
6. A "thank you, m'am" or any other sincere form of thanks does the heart good. Manners, in general, make the world a much more tolerable place.
7. When a ventilator gets pulled off while turning a patient, you can have your moment of panic, but you should probably try to set that back up, so your comatose patient can breathe.
8. A hot doctor + a unit full of women = laughter! I'm glad to know things don't change that much :) Especially when factoring in the fact he jogs shirtless around his neighborhood and the many comments/stories about that!
9. Rectal tubes are no joke. 0/10 would not recommend.
10. There is such a thing as fantasy golf.

I did a good deed this morning, which would normally be unrelated, except for the fact that the favor was later returned to me when some kind stranger turned in my phone to the lost and found, because, me being the idiot that I am, left it in the library when I was rushing around to print things.

So, thank you, Universe ♥

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL.

I found out yesterday evening, as the best Valentine’s Day present in my life thus far, that I got an ICU position for my internship/preceptorship and it’s going to be at the hospital that I was born in and it’s a night shift, which is what I wanted, even though day shift would be nice, considering I still have classes to attend during day time, BUT I DON’T EVEN CARE.

Just good news all around and I had to share ♥

So, I was having a really good day prior to some relatively dumb things that happened once my dad got home from work.

First of all, I've been told from the get-go that they would both be working late, later than usual, on their days off, and all that jazz. I've basically been told that during spring break and after I graduate, only my dad could get time off, so any potential plans I had have been shot.

I find all of this out on Tuesday night when I got home. But it's no big deal, because I might have an exam over spring break or something and my program requires us to take a class AFTER we've already graduated, but they won't provide any information about it so you could plan around it.

So, today I decided to wake up at 10, because I deserve to sleep in, because 10am is sleeping in.

Obviously, I'm hungry when I wake up, so because I didn't want to make anything, I had a little bag of chips.

After awhile, I realized that I was still hungry, because, obviously, a snack bag of chips isn't going to satiate me.

I heated up a McChicken that mom brought home for me yesterday. I ate that.

Around 2:30, I was hungry again, so I had a salad that mom made for me.

Around 3, my mom texts me asking if I want dad to bring home Chinese food. I told her yes and that I already ate, so I'll be saving a lot of it for tomorrow.

Dad gets home around 3:45 and within 10 minutes of him being home, he asks me when we are decorating the tree, which by the way, is a new tree, because dad threw our other one away and replaced it with a tree that I'm taller than. So, I said, "why not on Sunday, so mom can decorate it too?" To which, he responds by telling me that he's working on Sundays, so that's not an option. So, I say, "well... I guess I'll just decorate the tree alone then," because when dad gets home he wants to watch Netflix/TV and when mom gets home she wants to relax and watch TV.

Dad says, "well, let me get you the decorations then." He goes into the garage and is out there for a long time. I ask him what's  taking so long and he says, "I can't find them. I think I threw them away."

Cue segway.

This wouldn't be the first time he's thrown them away. We used to have a lot of home-made decorations that me and my brother made when we were little. We used to have our hand-prints as ornaments and art we drew/painted in school. But, because he keeps the decorations in a trash-bag AND in the garage, they were thrown away about 5 years ago.

Back to the discussion.

"You threw them away, again? You'd think after the first time you wouldn't put them in a trash-bag..." At this point, I'm already upset, because how dumb do you have to be to repeat that mistake again.

He searches my brother's room and then demands to search in my room, which would never be used for storage, because it's as messy as when I left for college. Doesn't matter. Goes into my room and starts digging through my stuff while I'm standing at the door saying, "those are mom's Christmas presents. I put them there yesterday..." and he questions if they are, so he decides to LOOK just to make sure.

Good thing I haven't bought him anything, because he would have seen them.

So, he's just like, "welp, I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a shower and we can watch Netflix."

So we sit down to watch Vampire Diaries and Netflix won't work. He starts freaking out but he won't actually read what the error was for Netflix or process that maybe Netflix streaming doesn't work 100% of the time.

So I say, "let's just watch something on TV". He suggests watching a Christmas movie and I say no, because frankly I'm not in the mood to watch anything. He says, "okay. Put what we want on." I put Fairly Odd Parents on, because Spongebob comes on afterwards.

I end up changing it to Suite Life of Zack and Cody, because I was looking through the guide. He sees the episode and says, "I think I remember watching this." I change the channel back to Fairly Odd Parents and a Christmas commercial comes on with kids playing with their toys around the tree with their parents there. I leave to go to the bathroom, because I started tearing up.

As I'm in the bathroom for all of 2 minutes, dad changes the channel to a Christmas movie. I walk back out and pack up my Chinese food, because not only am I not hungry, I'm just not in the mood. Don't tell me to put what I want on if you're just going to change it yourself.

So, he changes the channel back. He looks at me and says, "are you crying" and I say "no." He's talking during the show and I just "hm" every now and then.

He gets up to throw away the trash and gets another drink, when he opens the fridge he sees my Chinese food. He says, "you didn't finish your Chinese food. Are you THAT disappointed?" I say, "no. I've already ate. I told mom."

So, he says, "well, why did you do that?" and I said, "because I've been up since 10??? am I supposed to just starve while I wait for you to get home???" and he says, "you could have just had a snack or something rather than a meal..."

I don't say anything.

He goes to look for the ornaments in my brother's room again and ends up remembering they were in a bin in that room. He brings the bin and puts it next to the tree.

Spongebob's on at this point and I'm not happy, but I'm not AS upset.

Dad asks if I want to try watching Netflix again. I say no. As if watching Spongebob was not the way he wanted to spend his family time with me.

Another episode of Spongebob comes on and in an effort to make conversation, I say, "this is one of the best episodes" because it was the F.U.N. episode and it's one of my favorites *shocker*

Before F.U.N. even starts, dad says, "I'm gonna take a nap." and I say, "okay."

After the episode is over, I turn the TV off and go on the computer. He says, "you didn't have to turn the TV off." and I say, "well, there's no point in it being on if I'm on the computer and you're taking a nap."

And mom gets home at like 6 or so, my mood is no better than it was.

Dad tries to go on Netflix and picks a random show in the instant queue, which happens to be HIMYM, which I've been watching in order since I've only ever watched random episodes. He starts playing an episode and then goes to try to find another HIMYM episode to watch. I say, "can you not? I'm watching that." he continues. "I'm watching that." Mom has to repeat that I'm watching the show and he gets all snippy.

So, when he goes to bed, he stops at the computer and says, "well, I hope you're in a better mood tomorrow." Nice. So he says, "are you upset because of some bullshit online or something?" I say no.

When he leaves the room, mom starts asking what's wrong and what's bothering me.

And I'm just really done. My lacrimal glands are certainly working to their best capacity.

I just don't like the connotations that I shouldn't eat when I'm by myself, which was already a problem I used to have.

In between the thought that the replacement decorations could be thrown away again, the food issue, the fact what I wanted to watch wasn't good enough after I was already told I could watch whatever I wanted, the HIMYM... I'm just not in a good mood. At all. :/

Who knew reblogging something that said

Texting Buddy Application.

• Name:
• Where you are from:
• Timezone:
• Age:
• When I Can Text You:
• How Fast You Respond:
• Anything Else:
• Favorite kind of music:
• SEND APPLICATION TO ASK BOX !!
• *If accepted, I'll ask for your number*

WOULD GET ME THE PHONE NUMBER OF THIS AMAZING GUY AND HE'S TEXTING ME RIGHT NOW AND I PROBABLY LOOK LIKE A MASSIVE IDIOT. I CAN'T STOP SMILING. HOLY SHIT.

Homestuck music appreciation post? SURE

Because the other blogging website sucks when it comes to searching for things, I figured it'd be better to get all my favorite tracks in one place. They won't be in any particular order :D

Under a page break, because I can see this getting really long and homestuck has already taken over my entire life.