Austin

(I have no eyes and the fact Austin's mouth is open while eating food, was because of who was taking the picture :P)

I feel the need to make this post, because it's totally necessary & because the challenge of the day today wasn't great in the least :P

I ate lunch with him on Sunday at Beef O Brady's and I asked him how the apartment searching went, because he's going to Orlando for college. To make matters worse, he's most likely moving sometime in July, which means I will have even less time to hang out with him than I already do & then he's gonna be away and he shall forget about me! Cue me perpetually crying/dying.

It is a slight fear of mine, although it's completely unwarranted, considering even after not really speaking for 2 years, we just jumped right back into the friendship from before. It just saddens me to know that there won't be any more spontaneous plans made where he calls me on the phone to ask if I'm hungry. If I'm ever in a bad mood and need to just relax/calm down, I can't ask him to go get ice cream with me - yes, a lot of my solutions for problems involve talking it over with food - and even my fortune from that night's dinner said, "If you're ever feeling under the weather, contact an old friend," and when I read it out loud, Austin looked at me with a creeper stare.

It's the little moments like that, like like getting upset when he laughed at Ray's death in The Princess & the Frog, like laughing at Mufasa's death but trying our hardest not to let Sarah hear us, like having a rave in his truck where we sang/screamed Lady Gaga lyrics.

:/ I'm just gonna miss him a lot and he hasn't even left yet, but I'm still freaking out about it, because that's who I am. I'm silly like that.

DAY TWELVE

Screenshot your desktop.

Considering I don't have a webcam, this proves to be very difficult. Plus, I'm using the family computer so it's not like anything about me is revealed, but whatever. Here's the wallpaper :D

DAY ELEVEN

What is your favorite quote?

I used to be super obsessed with quotes and I even had a blog for quotes specifically before blogging was super popular, so this question is very befitting :D

"I don't want realism. I want magic! Yes, yes, magic! I try to give that to people. I misrepresent things to them. I don't tell the truth, I tell what ought to be the truth. And if that is sinful, then let me be damned for it!" - Blanche DuBois

When I read A Streetcar Named Desire, I couldn't help but empathize with Blanche, because I felt like we were the same. I can never read the play and end it thinking she was crazy - I'm physically incapable of that. Everything about her character can be summarized with that quote. I highly suggest reading it rather than watching the Brando version, because there are key differences between the two, which really do make all the difference <3

DAY TEN

If you could live off of one food & one beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?

DIFFICULT.

I'm going to have to go with pizza & Diet Coke. I will die so quickly, but it will be a most glorious and delicious death!

DAY NINE

Three pet peeves.

This one couldn't have been more adequately placed given what I woke up to & the paranoia I now have to deal with.

1. People who have no right to be calling our house and wishing my dad a happy birthday when they are complete assholes and douchebags. Because they so quaintly left a message on the answering message, I have to make the judgment call on whether to tell dad (which would ruin his trip/vacation to KY) OR I have to deal with it by myself, when these people are notoriously known for socially terrorizing our house at the worst possible times. A single blog post will never be enough to tell you how much these so called "family members" annoy me and how upset I am that I'm related to them through any means. My "grandmother", if you want to call her that, needs to stop especially.. seriously. I'm grateful you gave birth to my father which made it so I could be born, but that's the extent to which I feel filial piety towards you.

2. Two-faced people. This includes the girls who pretend to be stupid in order to get guys to noticed them. This is all just so explanatory that I don't even need to continue.

3. People calling the house & then hanging up before leaving a message. It's been happening quite frequently and it's pissing me off.

WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I love spending time with Ashley & Watson because time goes by so quickly and there's never a dull moment :D

Just wanted to make a blog post stating it & the fact that apparently cooked food can and will arrive WAY before uncooked food for some reason. I still can't fathom it, because it was a truly comical situation. Luckily, the food was badass and our waitress was super nice :D

Overall, it was a very successful trip, even considering the fact we were soaking wet/freezing because of good ol' Florida weather!

DAY EIGHT

Three things you want to say to three different people.

Appropriately, this falls on a holiday called "Not a single fuck will be given this day". Due to these circumstances, I will say EXACTLY what I want to say and if that's a problem, then idgaf :D

Just saying right now, readers beware.

1. I find it irreconcilably difficult to spend time with you, despite the fact it seems to happen effortlessly. I get nervous and wonder how I should act, but then within an hour of hanging out with you, everything becomes seamless.. up until a point, of course, because my life rarely ever goes simply. You bought your girlfriend a Nicki Minaj bracelet & then basically said I can't like Lady Gaga because one of your exes likes her - it's not like I was hurt or even startled by knowing you have all these sorts of experiences, but it's more like I'm confused. I don't understand how you can treat me the way you do when you are dating someone. Yes, we're both joking people by nature, but there's a line isn't there? Telling me to try on bathing suits seems like it'd be crossing the line, right? Maybe I'm weird for living a sheltered life, but that's just my standpoint. Then, you being SO stubborn and determined to get a hug, that you'd hug me from behind, even though I'm getting into my car while you left your car ON WITH THE DOOR OPEN FOR PEOPLE TO STEAL.. that's ignoring the fact that you always ask me what my type is, even though I've told you a thousand times. You're just goofy and yet I can't help but like that about you. Sometimes, I really hate myself, but around you, that's always the last of my concerns.. I have to be more worried about surviving, because 9 times out of 10, you cause something horrible to happen. Needless to say, everyday with you is an adventure and your personality is attractive.. now if only you weren't such a dumbass.

2. I know it's selfish, but you can ask to hang out with me if you want. Wait. Actually, that's selfless.. kind of. You see, I'm not sure if you WANT to hang out or if you're just not asking to be polite. I don't even know what we're doing anymore - being confused is normal, right? Well, I am. On one hand, I REALLY don't give a fuck about what you're doing, but on the other hand, I kind of do. By "kind of do", I mean I have a whole other blog practically dedicated to how I feel about this. It's always back and forth for me: do I want to get hurt again (because honestly each time just hurts me) or should I keep persevering (and going absolutely crazy from 1 and others)? What I really want to say to you is that, I'm not gonna ask again and you know exactly what I'm talking about. I will physically disarm myself the next time I even so much as THINK about making the same mistake again and before you get ideas, it's because I can't handle it. I can't stand seeing you, because it hurts to know that even now I'm not that strong and that I'm still childishly competing with you in some fixed contest where I never seem to win. You don't know, but I feel like it's a competition with you, like I always have to one-up you, otherwise my life is inferior. Don't ask me WHERE that notion came from, because I'm not aware for it myself.. I think it may have stemmed from being jealous of you and how you had different life experiences than I did, but it's silly. It really is. Just re-read your first sentence.

3. I figured I should give you number 3 - I mean, that is your favorite number.. not like I care. Very quickly this will become apparent as to who I'm referring to, but IDGAF. I enjoy spending time with you, which is a feat in and of itself when you consider how we first were acquainted. You probably don't realize it, but I'm really glad that you trust me enough to tell me things that only a close few get to know. We already discussed how I rarely get the opportunity to talk about serious things, but I don't know.. it was like an affirmation of our friendship & as silly as it may seem, I like having little reminders that I'm not the only one that cherishes our.. unique relationship. I drive you crazy and make poor choices, because I can and I like to, but most importantly, because I feel like if I do, you won't hate me or judge me too harshly. I will say this though, after that night and you know what I'm talking about, I was incredibly giddy and excited for you and while there's still some things we don't know about each other, we kinda bridged the gap and however miniscule that may be for you, it made me extremely happy! I hope we can always be friends and I sincerely wish you happiness, even though I still hate you with a passion :D

I'm writing in a number four, because I'm Jessica and this is my blog and I will vaguely reference people as much as I please.

4. Similarly with 3, I cherish our friendship immensely. However, the only difference between you and 3 is a new development with 3, which is not your fault in the least! I remember talking with you in my car and I nervously skirted around the issue - I usually do this with you, if you hadn't noticed. (But seriously, I think it's pretty easy to tell with our recent encounters and such!) I skirt around what's wrong because I never quite know how to cheer you up or how to bring up things, so I kind of, selfishly, wish that you could open up to me a little bit more. I'm not saying you have to divulge EVERYTHING, because God knows, I haven't been graced with a lasting friendship like that before.. but I won't/don't judge. In fact, I'd like to think of myself as the least judgmental person, especially when all the facts are laid on the table. I love that you're happy now & I sincerely hope it continues! You have no idea how gorgeous your smile is and I've told you countless times that you're such a beautiful person. It's just my selfish wish that I could be closer to you, because I feel like I could confide in you the things I can't say normally, because I know you're open-minded and also non-judgmental. I know you've said that I can talk to you before, but it's difficult, because, like me, you barely, if at all, pry, which is a good thing in some respects, but other times, I need to tell it to somebody and I feel like you would just disperse all these words of wisdom! I don't mean to say that I've never had a meaningful friendship with anyone before, so I don't want you to think that's what you have to do, but for some God awful reason, I actually enjoy having girl-talk and I NEVER have that opportunity anymore!! Your paragraph is so long and now I'm super embarrassed, but you know what, whatever! What's funny is, you will either never read this or you'll read it and not know it's about you. #failonmypart Y U BRING THE SOCIALLY AWKWARD PENGUIN SIDE OUT OF ME?! :P

Looking back on all of these "confessions", I kind of wish I didn't post this at midnight, but WHATEVER. If you read through all of them, you get kudos, which aren't exchangeable for anything except for respect points. I'm apologizing to 4 right now though, because that whole slew of comments probably doesn't even make sense ♥

By the way, GRAMMAR BE DAMNED.

:D