Tread softly, dear readers, for I am wielding a seriously massive stick =P
That sounded so dirty haha
I had a very lackluster Sunday as far as Sundays go. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not special, and it's one thing to get that feeling when I'm depressed due to fighting, but being bombarded with it within the span of 4 days is too much for me to handle.
I accept that I'm not perfect and that I know being perfect is impossible. I don't accept the fact that my family makes me feel like crap indirectly. I mean, they probably don't mean to do it, but it hurts nonetheless. I hate waking up in an empty house with no note saying where they went and knowing that texting them will do no good. I hate that when they do text me - they forward texts to me. The only other person they would be texting would be my brother, whose opinion on things is so much higher than my own. Then when they do come home, they bought me chips from the store that I don't even like, as like a way to make it up to me. Ricky said that maybe Sundays are like their date day, but I don't think they have to alienate me and not tell me that's what the day is for.
I would rather pretend I have a life outside my own house, than have to stay cooped up inside all day. I know this is really petty to get so worked up about, but it digs up old feelings and sides of myself that I dislike. I get possessive and jealous, because I want to feel like I'm even a fraction of what my brother is. There's just so many examples that says I'm not, and this is one of them. It scares me because I want to prove that I'm worth attention and I feel like I have to convince myself that I'm special when everything else is pointing to me just being nothing but trash.
On another note, I think Facebook is eating what I post, and it's starting to piss me off, because I suspect Tom, the creator of Myspace, is upset because I abandoned him for FB.
"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ( Steven D. Woodhull)
That sounded so dirty haha
I had a very lackluster Sunday as far as Sundays go. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not special, and it's one thing to get that feeling when I'm depressed due to fighting, but being bombarded with it within the span of 4 days is too much for me to handle.
I accept that I'm not perfect and that I know being perfect is impossible. I don't accept the fact that my family makes me feel like crap indirectly. I mean, they probably don't mean to do it, but it hurts nonetheless. I hate waking up in an empty house with no note saying where they went and knowing that texting them will do no good. I hate that when they do text me - they forward texts to me. The only other person they would be texting would be my brother, whose opinion on things is so much higher than my own. Then when they do come home, they bought me chips from the store that I don't even like, as like a way to make it up to me. Ricky said that maybe Sundays are like their date day, but I don't think they have to alienate me and not tell me that's what the day is for.
I would rather pretend I have a life outside my own house, than have to stay cooped up inside all day. I know this is really petty to get so worked up about, but it digs up old feelings and sides of myself that I dislike. I get possessive and jealous, because I want to feel like I'm even a fraction of what my brother is. There's just so many examples that says I'm not, and this is one of them. It scares me because I want to prove that I'm worth attention and I feel like I have to convince myself that I'm special when everything else is pointing to me just being nothing but trash.
On another note, I think Facebook is eating what I post, and it's starting to piss me off, because I suspect Tom, the creator of Myspace, is upset because I abandoned him for FB.
"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ( Steven D. Woodhull)
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