Slam Bam, Thank Ya, M'am =P

I remember when I was younger I always took it really hard when I lost people in my life. I still do, but I couldn't handle it at all when I was younger. They used to always be on my mind and I would always wonder "what if things were different" and wonder where I would be in they were still around. I don't think about this very much anymore, because I'm happy things have turned out the way they have and I have a boyfriend who loves me and wants to be with me.

I always hated when I liked someone and I felt like I was being taken advantage of when they would treat me like crap. They never knew I liked them, because I was never brave enough to admit my little feelings to anyone. Whenever the pain became too immense to deal with, I would always try my best to forget them and move on with my life. With some people, it was easier than it was for others. I just get so emotionally attached even if the emotions that were there never used to be strong in the first place. None of this makes sense because I'm being incredibly vague.

But I know I tried getting over Ricky countless numbers of times and that that is what makes him different than every other guy. Whenever I liked a guy and I hated getting jealous and hurt every day, I would just get over it. It was that easy to forget about them. I can't see why I liked a majority of the people I did but I think it boils down to the fact that they were nice to me once, and I just ran with it, or I assumed they liked me, so I'd like them. My feelings for guys never used to make sense, they just kinda happened haphazardly.

Then when I started to like Ricky, I was kind of in a weird time in my life where I was getting over someone while falling for Ricky, and I had to actually sit down and think about it. Not really think about which one I liked most or anything like that, but if my feelings for Ricky were actually legitimate feelings and not the usual, "oh, wow he said hi to me so he must like me." It's a big reason why whenever Ricky was apparently actually flirting with me, I never caught it. I wouldn't let myself run with my emotions and get hurt again by assuming.

I would get jealous of girls talking to Ricky back then, but say to myself, "well, if he likes her then he can have her." Then I would try to avoid him to get over him, like I could with other guys. Problem with that was I couldn't. I was always drawn back to him or that was the time he would seek me out to chit chat. He would always do something to bring my feelings back, which let me know that he was different, that maybe I could take a shot on him and end up unscathed for the most part once the dust settles. As much as I wanted to get over him, I never could because without my knowing it, he gradually became more important to me, like he was slowly pushing his way into my life more and more. Next thing I know, badabing badaboom, there Ricky was smack dab in the middle of everything and there was no way I could get over that.

And here we are =)

"Sometimes you love and you learn and you move on, but that's okay." (Anonymous)