SUMMER :D

This summer is quite possibly going to be the best summer ever and this is why -

Watson, Ashley and I shall chill whenever possible & we are going to watch all sorts of things, like Doctor Who, LOST, Miyazaki movies, a whole bunch of other movies, video games and it's going to be epic!! I also think a Busch Gardens road trip would be fun to do since I haven't been there in eons :D Harry Potter premiere is this summer too and we will go no matter what and bask in the end of our generation's series, which is depressing and it's why I haven't read the last book (I've remained semi-spoiler free and keeping it that way would be nice :P)

ALSO, I'm going to my first con in June and I'm super excited for that!! I'm going to go as Sakaki from Azumanga Daioh and I don't expect anyone to know who that is, but it's going to be great =] I already bought my tickets for all three days and then a ticket for the masquerade ball they are going to have! I need to prepare for it too, since I still need to do my measurements and then order my outfit, possibly find a cheap dress and a mask too :P

Then this summer is also going to be busy, because I have all this Nursing stuff I have to do, which will be tedious and painstakingly arduous, because I'll need to get a shit ton of shots among other extraneous things, like paying $40 to get fingerprinting done at FGCU and it HAS to be at FGCU. So lame.

Then I'll be puppysitting for probably a week to two weeks later in the summer while my parents help my brother, my sister-in-law and their pup to Kentucky! =]

It'll be exciting that's for sure!

ONE PICTURE:

I decided to pick this picture, just because I don't normally show people this, nor has it ever been my profile picture. Plus, I'm repping my middle school (ugh) and my big brother :D

This was taken at my 8th grade graduation, in which I received a "scholarship" to Verot for like $500. I remember the reason I got it was really weird and nobody expected ME to get one, especially considering I wasn't nearly as studious as I am now. Well, not NOW per se, since I'm procrastinating on studying, but you get my point.

Anyway, I had to do the whole "walk up, get diploma, shake principal's hand, walk off" business and the principal stressed the fact that parents should not clap until everyone's name is called. You know, to keep the peace and what not. So my name gets called, I do what needs to be done, and right when I start walking off the stage, my dad yells, "I LOVE YOU!" I knew exactly who said it too, so I laughed and shouted it back to him, in which case everyone in the auditorium awww-ed.

Whatever scholarship I was given was probably taken away from me at that point, but that's just the type of person my dad is: he never listens to rules and he does what he wants. Since he is like that though, I think Bart and I turned out pretty okay, considering how our mom exudes srsbsns 24/7 :P

Like I haven't blogged ENOUGH music yet, let's just keep adding onto the many videos :P

TWO SONGS:

1. "Captivated" by Stefani Germanotta or Lady Gaga for anyone who would rather call her that. To be honest though, she wrote this as Stefani Germanotta and she considers them to be two very different people. Despite any of that, I think the song is beautiful and her talent carries over so fluidly. I love when she composes ballads, such as this, because it reminds me of the music I grew up listening, like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, singers who were so passionate and poured their emotions in their singing. Maybe I'm the only one that feels that way about this song, but it has an "old" feel to it that makes me feel safe and whimsical. I can't ever describe things that I love without sounding completely stupid... I just find the song really romantic and if I got to pick the first dance music for my husband and I, this would be it <3 I hope I can find a love like this. I REALLY hope I find someone who can make me feel like all of these things <3

2. "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem. Yes, I wanted to pick a COMPLETE song whiplash in order to tell a story :P when I was younger, I had a cat named Shadie, due to the fact she was grey and white, and me being young, decided that was the best name ever for her. When this song came out, I also decided this was her theme song, so whenever I saw her, I would sing/rap this song to her. I was 9 or possibly 10 and I thought it was the best idea ever. I was a very rambunctious child, so looking back, I respect my many pets for putting up with my silly antics :P

I will try my best to not select any Hayao Miyazaki movies, I promise :P

THREE MOVIES:

1. A Journey Through Fairyland. Could I have picked a more girly sounding movie or what? In reality though, it wasn't and I'm about to explain why. While there are "fairies" in this movie, this movie scared me in a way spiders do now. There was one scene in this movie where this giant Big Bad that was practically an Eldritch Abomination killed the princess and I remember just being so absolutely scared. It's a movie laced with classical music, as the main character himself goes to a music academy and plays the oboe, an instrument in which I have then come to respect. I've always loved music and wanted to play it, but I've never had the patience for it. Plus, there's a Puck character in this film who is so wonderfully mischievous and villainous, but doesn't convey it well. Truthfully, I'm just a classical music type of girl and this movie could lull me to sleep with it <3 It's certainly a favorite of mine and I never knew this until looking it up, but it was made by the Japanese <3 While it's certainly not as remarkable as a Miyazaki movie, this movie has a special place in my heart.

2. Milo & Otis. The opening song to this movie is such an ear worm, but I recently re-found this movie last year and just watching the first 10 minutes of it on Youtube sent me for a ride on the nostalgia train :P Nothing could be cuter than a cat and a pug going on adventures and I swear to god, if you watch it, Watson would be Otis HANDS DOWN. I bought this DVD, and much like whenever I would watch VHS movies with my dad, he fell asleep. I love finding old movies all over again and still being able to appreciate them!! From 8:00-9:35 is how I perceive him to act if he was a dog.

3. Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland. The ORIGINAL Nemo movie before Finding Nemo came out, which is also excellent in its own right <3 To be perfectly fair, there are only a few scenes in this movie that I remember, one of which being the bed flies and that there was a train they could ride on. I was very much into these trippy fantastical movies, if that hasn't become painstakingly obvious yet. I really want to purchase this on DVD, since I'm sure the VHS version is long gone from my collection, since my mother enjoys to sell my movies :C This is a description provided on a Youtube video of this movie: "A young boy, Nemo, and his flying squirrel, Icarus, are transported via dreams into a fantasy land named Slumberland following an invitation to play with the princess Camille. After breaking a promise to the king, Nemo's curiosity evokes disastrous results that require him to search out his nightmares to save the day." Trust the description too.. it's REALLY legit and scary for children!

I dare you to watch that movie clip and NOT be the least bit interested in the movie. So good <3

I'm such a child about movies and things :/

FOUR BOOKS:

1. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier is probably one of my favorite books that I had to read at Verot <3 I'm not even sure why I liked it so much, but if I had to speculate, it was because of how beautiful and mysterious Manderley was to me. It made me want to GO to Manderley just to bask in the eerie majesty of the manor. Mrs. Danvers always scared the crap out of me and even if I've read it multiple times, I still feel that sense of fear. It's also one of the very few book to movies that turned out well and I'd recommend watching the black & white version of the movie if you liked the book.

2. A Separate Peace by John Knowles. I always go back to this book for a quick and easy read <3 It's also just one of those books I read for fun, just because of how short it is. Then, once I start reading it, I get all sad and depressed, because it is seriously a bummer of a book. Plus, it always reminds me of having English and becoming good friends with Ashley and how we'd call each other the main characters =]

3. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley <3 I remember reading this over spring break junior year in high school for Dakin. I couldn't put it down for a second and I carried it everywhere with me when we weren't doing anything at Disney. I remember our waiter at one restaurant, who was unusually tall and fairly large as well, looked at my book and actually talked to me about it. He said that he had no idea why, but that he was always compared to the monster and it made me laugh :P It's one of the classics that I've read and it makes me want to read more of the "must reads".

4. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston is a new favorite and I just read it this semester over spring break! I originally wanted to read it when I first heard an AP group at Verot do a presentation on it, but it got pushed back, then the opportunity came up when in Colloquium, we had to read a book pertaining to Florida. I couldn't have picked a more interesting book. It follows the life of a woman named Janie and how she eventually found herself in nature and found her own definition of love. She lived her life based on how others told her to love, but she stands up and goes after it herself. There are so many good quotes in the book to truly go through them all <3 I highly recommend it.

(only now do I realize I should have put Verot/Anderson Theater down for one of my places. #opportunitymissed)

FIVE FOODS <3

1. Pizza :D I dare say it's my favorite food, just because so many variations of pizza taste great! It's not healthy, but wow does it taste delicious =]

2. Calamari <3 I've noticed this is an appetizer at so many places and it's delicious no matter where you get it! The very first time I had this, I was maybe 8 years old. We were at The Contemporary Resort at Disney eating dinner and my dad gave me some to try, not telling me what it was. I thought it was the best thing ever. Then he gave some to my mom, who is VERY much against eating something when she doesn't know what it's made of. She ate it and said, "that's a yummy piece of ham!" And then my dad told her it was octopus and she flipped out. Needless to say, she won't eat any of it ever again, which means when we order it, I get more to myself :D

3. Escargot! Yes, I love snails as an alive arthopod, but I can't help but LOVE escargot too! I had it for the first time I think, two years ago, and it was probably the best decision I ever made food wise. I felt really bad afterwards and whenever I see a snail, I feel remorseful, but seriously, you have to try it <3

4. FRENCH ONION SOUP. OH MY GOD. Provolone cheese melted all over the cup = love in food form. I need to keep track of who has the best french onion soup, because if it's offered, I usually get it <3 Even when I'm at my dorm and I'm super hungry, I'll just make some. It's not the same, since it's canned and I don't do the cheese/bread thing, but my love for onions knows no limits!

5. Samoas <3 These are the most orgasmic food for me and I've been saying so since high school. When I was little, I would DEVOUR them. Now, they are my guilty pleasure. When Girl Scout cookie season comes around, I HAVE to have even just one of them. I can barely control myself when there's a box nearby and I'm pretty sure I would beg for one. Just the chocolate, caramel, and coconut combination is too much for me to handle <3

SIX PLACES:

(I almost forgot to do this! I would have been upset!)

1. My house. I love my house to death, not only for the fact of my family and my adorable little brother pup who awaits me eagerly, but also because I was raised her since I was a wittle baby! Originally all the walls were white, except for me and Bart's rooms which were pink and light green respectively. We had one wall, dedicated to tracking our height growth every year too <3 Unfortunately, my stupid parents decided to paint over it with a forest green, but I know it's still there under the paint. Just everything about my house is my favorite <3 The giant Totoro tree is a major plus too :P

2. FGCU. I love the scenery around FGCU so so much <3 There's this bendy road that leads to the dorms and campus and it's incredibly beautiful to see the sunlight hit the trees so they glisten against the bright blue sky. It's breath-taking. I LOVE going on drives just to see it <3 Even when walking on the actual campus, I love seeing the giant "library lawn". It's just really pretty!

3. Summer camp. I met so many people there, who I still talk to and associate with now and I spent 4 summers there! It doesn't sound like much, but I have a lot of memories associated with it there =] True I have more recent memories to combat with them, but they are still memories nonetheless <3 I hope that old trailer never goes away or gets replaced, because then it wouldn't be MY summer camp anymore.

4. Butchart Gardens in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. If I could go back and just live there, I would. So so so so so beautiful. Pictures don't even do it justice. It's 55 acres of flowers and butterflies and these cute little walkways with all of these trees! It's gorgeous. It makes the inner nature freak in me practically squeal in delight. I took probably 200 pictures when I went there and of course something bad happened with the film and they never got developed :C

5. Blayn's dorm. I'm sorry. It had to be said. While I may not be in love with it, I like the people who live in it for always being random and clearly spontaneous. I'm pretty sure I laughed and enjoyed myself more times there than when I've been at my dorm with my roommates. I think it's just because guys tend to act more GOOFY than girls do. And now Blayn is screaming in my head about Goofy :P

6. Japan <3 I want to go. I want to single handedly rebuild the country with my spending prowess and BUY ALL THE THINGS! But I really do wanna go some day to see the cherry blossoms and eat food <3 You know, stand out in the crowd like I normally do, but this time I'd be the tallest person there. Possibly find a Japanese boyfriend, but who's looking? Not me clearlyyy.

In other news, I told my parents the Blayn/Greg situation and my dad asked me what I did about Blayn saying he liked me... I awkwardly looked at my dinner and smiled at him and didn't really answer the question. I'm not even going to think about that whole situation. It's almost exam week and then it'll be summer <3

1:30 am phone call

Apparently Blayn likes?/liked me, and apparently had from before we even went to Sunsplash. Well, while at Sunsplash, Greg (for some reason) started to like me and noticed that Blayn liked me; Greg asked him if he was going to ask me out, and Blayn said that he was waiting until after the summer, because it was almost the end of the school year. Well, Blayn stepped down to let Greg have a chance and when we were going to be hanging out, Blayn asked Greg if this was supposed to be a date, to which Greg said no.

*Cue confusion*

When we were leaving, Blayn's instincts were telling him to go with us, but because he thought Greg knew what he was doing, he didn't go. My night could have been spared the awkward.

Oh.. the whole liking me after Sunsplash, I'm pretty sure I BARELY talked to Greg at all that day. The extent of conversation was basically me giving him the food I didn't want. I'm not sure where feelings could erupt from that day. I talked to Blayn's creepy friend who I literally met at Sunsplash more than I did Greg and when I told Blayn that he couldn't stop laughing. Truthfully, he laughed at the whole conversation we had, because he thought I died or something because of how I texted him. Thanks to amazing cell phone service, I ended up getting 2 frantic text messages from him.

So, Blayn didn't TOTALLY throw me under the bus, but he did partially, because he let the girl he likes?/liked hang out with another dude who had only been in one relationship that lasted a week and assumed I'd be fine. Sometimes Blayn's intelligence causes me to question everything in life.

Well, I certainly got a lot of answers last night to say the least. Blayn said he would talk to Greg for me, but I know the next time I talk to Greg, I'll have to explain things too otherwise everything's going to be weird. I'll give him the more personalized explanation rather than what Blayn's going to be saying.

My virtual test becomes more of an unknown entity with each word I type!

#headdesk

For once, in my entire life, I truly regret being naive and innocent and listening to what a guy says.

I'm not even talking about Watson, although HIS advice wasn't any better. I'm talking of the guy in question. He's awesome, he's funny, but no. This whole awkward situation could have been avoided if I looked for subtext in everything.

Here's the evidence:

1. Blayn told me the guy was bragging about seeing me all day.

2. Blayn said that the guy has a thing for Spanish/Hispanic things (blaring red flag, but I ignored it, because he's Hispanic)

3. IT WAS THE STEREOTYPICAL AWKWARD FIRST DATE WITH THE 21 QUESTIONS. Dear God.

4. He bought a box of Milk Duds when he knows that's my favorite candy, but when I asked for one, he said they were all for him, when he said he doesn't like them very much. Then later on, he admits to buying them for me.

5. He sat UNBELIEVABLY CLOSE TO ME ON THE BED. I sat in my spot next to Spongebob, in which case, he decided to basically sit a mere inch away.

6. He kept hugging me. I thought he was hugging me because I'm so badass at Mario games, because I am. I NEVER die. So I was gloating whenever I beat a level, because he always died.

7. It just gets progressively worse and all the details are on Twitter.

Seriously though. If you wanted the "hang out session" to be more than it was, which clearly YOU did, you should be honest and be like, "Hey, let's play Mario games, but I'll make out with your face while you are trying to actually play. Oh, that's a problem? Well, give me your face and I'll correct it for you."

If I wasn't so shell-shocked from what had occurred, I might have went ballistic to the point of never associating again with those people.

No, I'm not going to VGC tomorrow like I promised Chris that I might go. NO, I won't do anything tomorrow with him because I'm so fucking confused about everything.

WHY DID BLAYN HAVE TO THROW ME UNDER THE BUS EVEN IF IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL?! Seriously. Why does Blayn, the biggest flirt I have ever met who flirts with me consistently every time I see him, CONSCIOUSLY condone his friend to "have at me"?

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I FINALLY MEET PEOPLE WHO LIKE VIDEO GAMES AND ANIME/MANGA, I GET ATTACKED/MOLESTED BY THE ENTIRE GROUP OF GUYS?!

Done. Seriously. I will just be checking out from this point onwards and becoming a recluse early. I can't do this. I can't. Why did this have to happen? Greg is an awesome guy and he actually likes anime/manga and I was so excited because all of Blayn's friends were super awesome and funny. and this is me being really superficial, but he hates tomatoes and onions - I thought Watson was the ONLY person who was allowed to hate delicious food for no reason. Greg is also like 5 inches shorter than me. I don't GO for that. I JUST DON'T.

I even told this guy that I just got done with an incredibly emotional event during December - I didn't say what and he didn't ask. Then he goes to like hold my hand and I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT.

So many boundaries were crossed and I had NO fucking idea what was going on, except that I was going to eat food and play video games with a friend. For God's sake, BLAYN came over to my dorm one time to play video games and HE didn't do anything like that.

My patience is wearing thin and I need to take an exam tomorrow and tell Greg that I can't hang out with him.. ever.

Patience is a virtue, but I'm super raging right now. I'm raging like that was my first kiss, but it's the first kiss that didn't mean anything. Seriously. I'm not a kissing expert at all, but no. That whole thing was just a no. It was like I hadn't ever kissed someone before! NO.

ANY GUY WHO EVER READS MY BLOG, DO NOT KISS A GIRL IF YOU TELL HER SHE'S YOUR FRIEND AND ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU SPECIFICALLY CALLED THIS EVENT "HANGING OUT". THERE'S NOTHING SEXY OR ROMANTIC ABOUT "HANGING OUT". My God. AND THIS KID IS OLDER THAN ME TOO, JESUS CHRIST.

HOW CAN YOU BE OLDER THAN ME, BUT ACTING LIKE AN INEXPERIENCED PRETEEN? I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, C'MON NOW. I CAN TELL HE DOESN'T PLAY MASS EFFECT, BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA WHERE THE HELL HE WAS COMING FROM OR WHAT HIS MISSION WAS.

I mean, really. I've been in the room of guys that I've liked before, but I don't jump molest them. Isn't that just common courtesy anyways?

I mean, I TOLD Blayn what I like in a guy. If Blayn REALLY knew Greg would do this, I would think Blayn would tell him flat out there was slim to no chance. I have to hope Blayn didn't know and his stupid comment before we left was just a "Blayn" comment... I mean, the uncannyness of saying, "No hanky panky, you two," is astounding.

Plus, why the hell would Blayn care if I hugged him or not when I was telling him goodbye? WHY ARE GUYS SO DAMN CONFUSING. Girls are confusing too, but damn. I'm pretty easy to read and if you can't tell that me pulling my face away = STOP or that me playing video games rather than continue doing whatever it is you wanted to do means that I'm not interested, then I have no hope.

SEVEN WANTS:

1. Summer! I want summer to be here right nowwwww <3 I just finished my last Colloquium class ever and I'm super depressed about it :C It was one of my favorite classes, plus my teacher was so totally awesome that it's hard not to fall in love with the class. I still want summer to get here thought, because I'm excited for sleeping and all the other activities this summer has to offer, such as, video games/movies with ashley and Watson, hanging out with Greg?, and doing my Nursing stuff and going to METROCON :D

2. May 23rd! On May 23rd, the Born This Way album is released and I shall finally be able to listen to all of her new music to my heart's content! :D Even if Blayn makes fun of her and says she's God awful, I can't help but love her and what she stands for <3

3. Peace of mind! I want to be able to have my mind not racing from all of the outside stimulus that I get or from all of the pressure. I've been relatively calm, but this whole peace of mind thing will especially wanted/needed once I actually start the Nursing program.

4. Brain bleach! Sometimes there are things best forgotten, especially when they plague me during my sleep. I wanna be able to sleep confidently without knowing I'll wake up with a headache due to stressful situations that randomly pop up in my dreams. It says a lot if just being around someone in a dream causes me a literal headache.

5. A smooth transition out of the dorms! I'm worried about how cleaning will go and transporting, because it's just going to be me and my dad moving out this year. Usually my mom helps, but she has to work. I'm worried about how much stuff we'll be able to transport since we got rid of the truck in order to get me the new car, which was an incredibly early graduation present. If the process could go smoothly, I'd be very happy :D

6. Everyone to be happy! For once, an unselfish want, but it's a want nonetheless. I wish everyone could be happy. It's such a silly wish, but I really think it could happen if we all just treated each other better, rather than with hostility. Happiness can be transfered with a simple smile or recognition and if everyone made an attempt to convey that, then it's a possibility <3

7. The ability to use magic! I want my room to be cleaned, but because I'm a Muggle, it won't work :C

EIGHT FEARS:

1. The obvious one being spiders and despite seeing them all of the time when I'm at the dorm, the fear hasn't subsided. Fortunately though, I can sometimes kill them without freaking out too badly, which is a step in the right direction. I wouldn't want my kids or any little kid in my family to see me react to a spider and develop a fear like I did!

2. The darkness outside scares me. I like being in my room when it's completely dark, because I have some control over whether or not there's any light, but when you're outside, you can't make the sun come back. It also doesn't help that my older brother and his best friend abandoned me in my massive back yard when it was super dark outside - I probably already told this story, but they were retrieving me from my neighbor's house, because I passed my curfew of 7pm. They did get me, but then they ran ahead of me while laughing and I tried my best to keep up with them. Since they were six years older than me, it was an unfair fight to begin with, but I tried anyway: I ended up falling, losing a flip flop, and crying my eyes out. My mom saw this and did nothing, except make them find my other flip flop, which they said they couldn't. #favoritism at its finest

3. Going deaf and/or blind. The thought terrifies me, because sometimes it can be a slow process, like with old age. I think the slowness of it all would even make the usually optimistic me have a mental breakdown. Never being able to hear music or watch movies, see the smiles of my loved ones and being able to hear them laugh.. there's so much to lose and no gain. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

4. The power going out/my battery dying. Even if my phone is REALLY crappy, I need to know that I could contact someone if I had to. That's one of the number one mistakes in a horror movie: you go to a place you've never been to and when you start to get scared, you reach for the phone and you don't have one or the lines are broken. Know that I think about it, I think sometimes you get no signal too.. but in that instance, I'm pretty sure I'd run like a banshee no matter what.

5. Serious conversations. I feel really inept at them, so knowing I have to sit down and talk seriously with someone makes me really uncomfortable. It's hard to convey what I really mean sometimes, so I'm scared that I'll say it wrong and give them the wrong impression. Plus, serious conversations are usually about something awkward, which I can't handle. I have enough awkwardness as it is without having any extra!

6. Vague plans. I am genuinely afraid of how plans will go and will think of the many possible ways they could fail. In a way, it's setting me up for success when I get proven wrong, but the hours before a planned meet-up takes place, I start panicking, causing me to leave early and then I'm there waiting for an hour, stewing in my awkward paranoia. It's manageable when I KNOW the people I'm meeting with, but this Thursday is freaking me out like it's nobody's business, because I don't know what to expect.. at all.

7. Vulnerability. I don't do well with opening myself up for others & I'm a bit of a recluse in that aspect - I don't handle getting hurt very well, so just being placed in any situation where I could be, causes me to feel scared. It's a double edged sword, because if I'm not open, then I'd end up alone but if I do open up, they could see that I'm not always fun or spectacular - either way has me afeared!

8. Whether or not I'd make a good parent or aunt. This is kind of explanatory as is, but my parents did a good job raising me, so that I didn't put focus on the things that don't really matter, such as expensive clothes or flaunting money with material goods in general. I'd wanna instill that sort of independent nature to my kids or niece/nephew, just because the little things end up meaning more. I worry that I won't click well with the personality of them and that I'll have to raise a cheerleader or a football player. Not that anything is wrong with that, perse, but stereotypically they have crappy attitudes. Me + brat = chaos.

NINE LOVES:

1. Spongebob <3 It's very apparent how much I love Spongebob and it's a safe bet that anything Spongebob related would put a smile on my face. I think it's his optimistic attitude and his innocence that makes me enjoy the show so much, especially when he's paired with the pessimistic, cynical Squidward. The show makes me laugh so much =]

2. Hayao Miyazaki movies <3 Once again, not a surprise, but I love everything about them. The fact he can draw up these magnificent stories with such beautiful music and scenery astounds me. I really respect him for his ability to produce something that's timeless and that all ages can appreciate for the movie's different facets. Well, some are more adult than others, but the fact remains that I love Totoro just as much as I love Princess Mononoke. His movies have shaped my childhood and remind me of what's really important.

3. My little brother pup Tito <3 I'm seriously obsessed with my dog, as I'm sure all pet owners are, but for me it's slightly different. Not saying I love my dog more than anyone else loves their dog, but Tito is my first. I've had cats before and my family knows how much I cried over their deaths, but I've never actually had a dog that I could play with. We had Cookie, but she couldn't ever be inside, because she'd get too excited, so I wasn't really attached to her. My pup Tito, though, gives me the biggest smiles and he's always happy and excited to see me when I visit - I don't think there's many feelings that can compare to the joy of feeling welcome and appreciated <3

4. Smiling <3 For me, there's nothing more beautiful than seeing someone's smile, especially when said smile just makes their eyes look even more radiant. Smiling like that just exudes happiness in such a way that it's contagious. Seriously, what's not to love about that?! I get so happy just being around people who enjoy smiling that it takes away any negative thoughts or worries I may have. To me, smiles are incredibly powerful and a gift to those who come into contact with you.

5. Music <3 I love how versatile music can be and how it can easily say the things I've always wanted to say. Sometimes I can't be eloquent and music provides my voice for me. I don't have a fantastic singing voice, but when I'm alone, in the car, or incredibly comfortable with those around me, I will belt out lyrics like there's no tomorrow. It helps relieve the tension and pressure I feel, leading me to feel free from any judgment. I can't think of any moment in my life that music hasn't been involved, even if it was having a song stuck in my head :P

6. My family <3 When I've experienced loss of friendship or a complete 180 in personality, they have loved me through it all. They accept that I'm a Hell incarnate when I get pissed off and even when they get on my nerves, which is a lot, I know they mean well. I would do anything to protect my family, especially Mom, meaning my grandma, but it applies for all of my family too. She helped raise me when I was younger & Pap Pap and her helped teach me math and spelling when I couldn't understand how change worked or why coach/couch wasn't the same thing. Words can't describe how devoted I am to my goofy family, but I would destroy mountains for them if it meant they could see the sunlight <3

7. Every person that has ever hurt me or made a difference in my life <3 While I can't forget the pain some of them have put me through, I have become better for experiencing the hardship. I'm trying my absolute best to see the silver lining with every negative experience, so that someday I can stand up for myself when the situation arises. Every single person that has been in my life I love dearly, because they have made me who I am today. I don't hate a single person I've met and I hope I never do.

8. Food <3 Because my palette is awesome, I enjoy eating ALL kinds of food, except spinach, which is only delicious when accompanied with chips and cheese. Either way, food, while it's yummy, is always embedded with feelings, which makes it the best gift ever! Not only do you get sustenance and nutrition, but you also get the passions from the cook and the hard work they put into it. It's like a two-for-one & it's absolutely legal! You don't have to consume an actual heart to receive a person's life energy - just eat the food they make and it's the same thing :P

9. The sky <3 To me, there's nothing quite like walking out of my dorm and being able to see the contrast of the green pine trees to the bright blue sky; it's literally scenery porn in real life. Even when it's night and the stars are sprinkled about the sky, it's beautiful. I could lay down and stare up at the sky for hours and I would if I didn't have to worry about getting burnt. It reminds me that I'm not as big in the world as I like to think I am, that the sky blankets more than just me, that maybe somewhere out there in the world there's someone else who enjoys looking up and seeing the clouds roll by. It also reminds me that while I may dream big right now, I can't touch the sky, because all of my worries and anxieties are weighing me down, but in the brief instances where I'm free from them, I can fly to anywhere I want to go and see whatever I want to see. It's a humbling experience, as well as an optimistic scene for me <3

TEN SECRETS:

1. I'm not as confident as I may appear to be. I put up a good front and try my best, but surprisingly, I am human in that matter, much to my chagrin. I wish I could always be the badass Amazonian warrior that I portray myself as, but I slip up sometimes. It's because of this that I often feel isolated and lonely, since I don't let anyone see that side of me.

2. I sometimes wonder if I'm learning what I want to be learning or if I'm just focusing on the money profit I'd get. My parents have always wanted me to be able to get a job where I wouldn't have to stress out about money like they do, so I don't know if this is what I want or if I'm just fulfilling their desires.

3. I'm incredibly naive. I put my faith and trust into people very easily, even when I know someone hasn't treated me well in the past. Because of this, I give out second chances like it's never going out of style. While it is one of my positive qualities, if my life was a play, my innocent nature would ultimately be my downfall.

4. I don't like buying shoes. It's just not something I enjoy just because my feet are proportional to my body, ergo, finding shoes that I actually like that fit me proves to be very difficult. Because of this, I really only wear two pairs of shoes and only one pair of flip flops.

5. When I get really annoyed and I mean really annoyed, to help calm myself down so I don't say or do anything that I'll regret, I imagine different scenarios of me punching/maiming whoever is pissing me off in the face. It helps alleviate the adrenaline kick I get when I hear something rage-worthy. It's really the only thing that saves me from having to go to prison.

6. I'm incredibly passionate about everything I like. I'm stubborn in that aspect, so a majority of the things I like now, I have liked for a very long time. Because of this, I'm very resistant to change, but it's been happening so much lately that it's getting easier to adapt. Lord help the poor soul who tries to convince me that what I enjoy is shitty though, because they won't be alive for very long.

7. When I'm having a conversation with someone, I always worry about my facial expression and if I'm conveying my emotions correctly. Sometimes, I'll tune out of a conversation just because I'm wondering what my face looks like and it's not even for narcissistic reasons. Due to this, I tend to over exaggerate my expressions that way my feelings can come across, even if it's mostly hyperbole.

8. Before I go to sleep, I always think of fantastic journeys and worlds that I could go to where I can be myself and not have any cares or worries. I look forward to sleeping so much, because my imagination can flourish and for those hours, I feel like I'm really alive. Sometimes, I'll just go through my day with the only highlight being that I can sleep. It might be sad and pathetic to look forward THAT much to sleeping, but for me it's my safe haven away from things that hurt me.

9. Some girls say they are tired when they are actually really upset and I can admit to being one of them. Being upset literally causes me to get tired though, because it physically exhausts me. If I'm able to take a nap while I'm raging or while I'm upset about something, when I wake up it's like it never happened. Not many girls can say that and it's something I take pride in. (By the way, the chances of the rage/depression leaving is about 80%, which is pretty good odds.)

10. I never know how to answer, "What kind of music do you listen to?" Whenever I'm asked that, I can't even formulate an answer. I don't really listen to a specific type and I worry that I sound pretentious and idiotic if I say, "I like all kinds of music." Besides, heavy metal and country, I'm pretty open to any music genre and it's not like I favor one artist over another for any reason other than catchy lyrics and a nice beat. It's the reason why my iPod is peppered with 90s music and music that wouldn't necessarily mesh together - I just like singing to the music and reminiscing about past experiences.

Sounds good to meeee :D

Socially Awkward Penguin (the good kind!)

I didn't know how to convey this story without writing it out, so here goes.

I had an awkward experience whilst inside of the actual concert hall on Saturday night. It was maybe 30 minutes before it started and this older lady was standing in front of me and she was drinking her 2nd cup of beer, which is important, I hope. Well, she was talking to this adult in front of us and then she accidentally elbowed my stomach. She turned around saying, "Oh my goddddd I'm so sorry!!" I told her it was fine and laughed it off, since I figured getting elbowed before the concert would be better than during it. Then this happened...

Her: "haha okay. I guess you didn't need that kidney then!"

Me: "well you didn't hit my kidney anyway - it was more like my stomach"

*she blankly stares at me*

Me: "because you know, the kidneys are back here.."

*I point to my back*

*she still blankly stares*

Me: "well.. either way, it's fine.."

NURSING IS DESTROYING MY BRAIN.

I don't drink booze 'cause my heart's explosive ♥

I'm sorry but it had to be shared. I was THIS close to buying their shirt that said, "I can't pay my rent, but I'm fucking gorgeous," but it was $40 and I had to get the Gaga tour shirt! I'll probably deeply regret not buying it, but if I did, then I wouldn't have been able to get a poster as well, so I guess it evens out =]

I think I'm going to download their CD if that's even possible, because they were so amazing as an opening act <3

This might be the FUNNIEST song I've ever heard and, of course, there is a story behind it.

Blayn has a habit of hacking people's computers and leaving behind little surprises for his victims. He tried hacking my FB on my computer since I have my password automatically saved so it will always open up with mine. Well, he rooms with 4 other dudes who have to FEAR for their lives that Blayn will terrorize their stuff.

Blayn just so happened to have put this song as a low scale virus on this guy Steve's computer, so whenever Steve turns his computer on, this song will play. Blayn even told Steve that this happened, but when he tried turning it on, the song wouldn't play. Both Blayn and Steve assumed it was a dud.

Later that week, Steve had to present a powerpoint presentation on his computer at the front of the class and as he was turning on his computer to retrieve the files, THIS started playing incredibly loudly. Once the song starts on his computer, you can't stop it until the song is over.

Now imagine this, if you will. Steve is an incredibly white nerd gamer that has all the qualities of a stereotypical gamer, except for the fact Steve is somewhat lanky. Other than that, it all works. He has glasses, freckles, he never eats properly, doesn't know how to cook ANYTHING, speaks in a slow fashion, and he's pasty white.

It's seriously the funniest thing ever. Apparently there were 2 black chicks in his class too and when this song started playing, the whole room busted up laughing. We are all wondering if he's going to fail that class, but even despite that, Steve still has the virus in his computer, even though Blayn told him that he would take it off for him if he asked.

Oh, how I love this new group of friends that I am acclimating to <3

PLEASE, SOMEONE, HAVE THE SAME MEMORIES THAT I DO WHEN THIS SONG IS PLAYING. OH MY GOD.

THIS MAKES ME SO EXCITED AND I FOUND IT WHILE PERUSING AN FGCU WEBSITE. MY MORNING HAS BEEN MADE!!! <3

So Legit.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't blasting this song in my dorm and dancing around my room like I'm actually gangster or even partially black.

I'd also be lying if I said that I wasn't going to download this song so I can blast it while driving my car around Ft. Myers. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta :P

LONG POST but hopefully worth a read =]

So I'm looking at all of these arts & crafts ideas for my new living arrangements for next year, since I'll have a lot more room, and I came across this website that supports positive thinking. While it may sound silly, there was one question on there that I really wanna answer and you can choose to read it or skip over it, it won't be mind blowing or that entertaining to read, since it is after all 12:21am on a Tuesday.

What small act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget?

I know I've blogged about this already, but I have to give the moment credit where credit is due.

I've never had a truly emotional breaking experience. Some of the people who've answered this question on the website discussed strangers cheering them up from dealing with a loved one committing suicide or their cat dying, so in comparison mine is really tame, but the feelings behind the moment are still there.

I had been having a particularly bad day on January 14th and it was slowly becoming worse. I felt unnoticed, unappreciated, and rather invisible, because it seemed like everyone was skipping over me to do whatever they wanted to do. Since mid December, I had been feeling down in the dumps and questioning whether or not breaking up was a smart decision; I felt like I had an empty and unfillable void from leaving a best friend & a boyfriend. I hadn't done anything over Christmas break, except for lounge around the house pretending I had a social life, so when my parents came home from work, they wouldn't feel guilty. Then Black Swan happened and I connected back with friends before the school year kick started and that helped alleviate how lonely I felt, but it was quick fix, like downing a whole giant Pixy stick in 5 minutes.

What I needed was something more permanent and lasting, which come to find out, was something that is so infinitesimally minuscule that I seem idiotic/dramatic.

On this bad day, I was ranting and raving on Facebook about how pissed off I was and venting on the only place that I knew how. I didn't want negativity on my blog when I was already dealing with that enough, so FB was my only viable option. Lo & behold, the very first person to say anything was also the last person I expected to do anything: Austin.

I've known this guy for an incredibly long time; I'm willing to say around 6 years, possibly 7. Well, for the previous 2.5 years I've known him, I've slowly (or rapidly depending on how you want to look at it) stopped talking to him. I never saw him and on FB we didn't really talk, except for a few photo comments here and there, but even then it wasn't anything monumental. So he responded asking if I wanted to get some ice cream and we ended up having ice cream from 8 until midnight when his mom called to tell him he needs to go home.

I know I'm repeating myself, but for me this was the nicest random act of kindness, because I REALLY didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Me, who would ignore his texts and phone calls; the same girl who would say that he was my best friend, but now that I was dating, I couldn't talk or see him anymore. The fact that when I did see Austin, it wasn't weird and it was like nothing had happened? That to me was the most memorable act of kindness and I try to make it up to him every single time I see him.

Because of that moment, I feel like I can forgive myself for being a bitch to all of the people I ignored or mistreated, like I'm worthy of being forgiven by others. As silly as it may seem, it opened up a lot of doors for me, as far as experiences go. If I had known back then what I know now, I wouldn't believe that I could go from such a depressed funk to the goofy socially awkward penguin I am today. It seems so implausible to think of how far I've come and how far I still have to go to be the person I want to become. I am genuinely thankful for each and every random act of kindness that has come my way since then & I love my friends and family for being there every step of the way <3

I love Ashley (& Shelby) for putting smiles on my face and being good examples :P

I appreciate Watson for being a Squidward, so I don't get too full of myself & being there for me to rage at whenever I want =]

I love my parents for putting up with my moodiness & doing my laundry when I really should just do it myself like I used to.

I love Austin for giving me the means to open the door to happiness again <3

I love *Mystery Person* for teaching me that jealousy doesn't amount to anything. Maybe I taught this to myself, but this person has made me get so unbelievably jealous that it's laughable. Every time though, my mind is always racing too fast to account for all the options and he's never truly done anything to warrant me getting jealous over. For this, I thank you for teaching me to be rational even when faced with rage!

I love Blayn for being the total goofball I need when I'm entirely too serious & for teaching me that shouting what you think is never a bad thing and that anyone that thinks so isn't worth it.

I love Greg for actually making me stay on FB chat to talk about things even when he had a research paper to do. He's apparently as weird as I am and I'm thankful I have such a troll partner who sounds so monotone when he rages.

I love Tristan for being so passionate about what she loves and for giving me the nudge I needed to actually try cosplaying. I've always wanted to, but I always found some reason not to. She gives me the strength I need to stand firm in what I like and not be afraid or ashamed of it.

I love Travis for being my sidekick when it comes to making Watson's life miserable. His blunt yet goofy, flamboyant hyperness makes me laugh and his highfives brighten up my day.

I love all of my friends, new and old, for making me who I am today and if I could share that happiness with any of them for 4 hours, like Austin did for me, then I will truly feel fulfilled <3

Sunsplash Adventures

Good lord. April 9th, 2011, you were truly such a badass fantastic day full of random occurrences & awkward moments NOT caused by me.

Where to even begin? I got there at 10 am, so this has been a 15 hour event (maybe my math is wrong), but I spent 15 hours with these people. I assumed I'd be spending the day with a maximum of 5 people. Nope. I spent it with 12, many of whom I did not know. At this point, I could practically live in their dorm and it wouldn't be a big deal. We bonded THAT much.

Brief recap:

1. I saw Ryan, which was partially awkward, because my friend Gina was having trouble with her locker, so much so that the key wouldn't come out of the locker.

2. Played Pokemon in the lazy river with Blayn by throwing leaves at him and shouting out random Grass attacks - we also were water Pokemon and he said I was Squirtle, because I'm super fast and he couldn't catch me :P

3. His name is apparently spelled Blayn, so I've been incorrectly spelling it.

4. He attracts children towards him, who will randomly start attacking him for his inner tube in the lazy river. This happened 3 times with 3 different children.

5. Being the new kid, especially being a girl, makes ALL of the guys act super weird/almost creepy.

6. I've never been stared at so much as I had been today & one of his friends grabbed my waist, which was uber creep.

7. RANDOMLY, Blayn, Sam, Jess & I decided to talk about our sex lives and what we like or dislike while eating dinner at Ale House.

8. The conversation was so interesting that we decided to continue it at all costs, so we lied to the group and said we were going to play Scrabble.

9. We were gone for THREE hours. Why? We sat on the FGCU waterfront in the darkness, discussing questions such as, "what's your ideal guy/girl?" to "what turns you on?"

10. MARCUS appeared and practically molested Jess & I and we were laughing constantly.

11. He untied one of my bikini strings with just one hand and I had it tied in a double knot! He undid one of Jess's too.

But one of the weirdest moments was when we were on the beach and the "ideal guy/girl" question came up and Blayn basically described me. Rather bluntly too. Now, I usually tend to be rational and think he means someone else, but with a description like this, it's difficult to say otherwise:

"A nice girl who isn't bitchy 24/7, a girl who knows how to have fun and be spontaneous but also can be serious when the need occurs, a girl with long hair, preferably a tall girl, someone who likes to cuddle & has meat on her bones, has similar interests..."

The best part? He was poking me in the sides from Ale House & also on the beach, and I would bust up laughing, because that's where I'm ticklish. He realizes this and pokes me more, causing me to laugh even harder. Sam told him to stop and finish his answer, and then Blayn says, "oh yeah.. and she has to like to roughhouse!" I mean, really?

Weird was also throwing leafs at Blayn in the lazy river and having his creepy friend try to play that game with me to the extent that he tried putting a leaf in between my chest. Really?

But when we got back at like 1230, Blayn and his friends were trying to kick Sam out because he was annoying them, and I liked Sam! He was a really cool dude! So I took my leave, even though they (meaning Blayn, Chris, Julian, Greg, Steve, Dan, Ryan) seemed like they wanted me to stay there. But still, when I'm in a dorm and a dude is telling someone else to GTFO of the dorm, it makes me really uncomfortable, so I had to leave. What was worse was the fact when I gathered my stuff, Sam thought I was trying to convince him to leave, when I really wasn't. I hope he doesn't hate me :/

Even though he was super random at MANY points during the day, he was a really cool dude. Plus, the group disliked Jess too, but after spending 3 hours talking about that sort of thing, you can't help but bond. It was my first time going to the waterfront and my first serious conversation with dudes involved! It's a big deal for me who doesn't like to talk about legit stuff like that.

I texted Blayn asking for him to not kill Sam, but he hasn't responded.

I need to add them on Facebook!!

SONG #25 = A SONG YOU COULD LISTEN TO ALL DAY WITHOUT GETTING TIRED OF IT.

This. Song. Is. My. Life's. Theme. Song. Seriously.

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH! :D

This song is my favorite song ever and I love singing it and dancing to it and I've sang this with my best friend and jammed out to this song for so long that it has just become a part of me.

It's so perfect that only run on sentences can truly encapsulate my feelings.

For me, this song embodies summer, because I found this randomly one summer and sang it at summer camp. Austin overheard me and then it became a giant theme song for the camp/our friendship. To this day, I would say that this is our song. He was so close to singing it Thursday night, but I wanted to personally post this song for Ashley & Watson's viewing pleasure.

As you can tell, it was incredibly difficult to save this for the end, since it fits so many categories for me :P For what it's worth though, I can honestly tell you that once you've heard this song, you'll know me completely ♥

SONG #24 = A SONG YOU HAVE DANCED TO WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.

Mentioned tonight at DQ, this is indeed a song that Austin & I have rocked out too while playing DDR. We were epic masters and I bet if we played DDR again, we'd still kick ass!

We first heard this song during summer camp one year when we actually had a PS2 and a DDR mat; it was my first time ever playing DDR and who better to play with then against Austin. We picked this song because it sounded so much fun. We kept cranking up the difficulty level, because the higher the difficulty, the more notes, which added to the intensity of an already intense song.

I JUST FOUND THE BEST VIDEO EVER <3 It's even on expert and everything. Just imagine Austin and I DDRing and actually being successful and you will be AMAZED.

SONG #23 = A SONG THAT YOU CANNOT STAND TO LISTEN TO.

This is painful... legitimately. I HATE this song so much and everyone I know likes it and thinks it's the greatest song ever.

I first heard this song when I was 17 and it's been a plague ever since.

When I was driving with Blain & Chris, Blain picked this song and I mentally died inside. This song, although I know the lyrics to it, is the bane of my existence. I can't even say why I hate it, other than that I really do. It might be the one song that I cannot learn to love - I've come to accept Ke$ha's music (if you could even call what she does singing.. I'm pretty sure I could become a singer if SHE somehow made it) and on some level Justin Bieber's music doesn't send me into conniptions like it used to (this still does not mean that I like his music. Now I only want to kill myself when his music comes on, instead of harming babies).

It's stuck in my head now too, which will HAVE to be corrected immediately.

SONG #22 = A SONG THAT SOMEONE HAS SUNG TO YOU.

This would be the last song I can remember having sung to me, besides Watson's creepy word speaking song serenades :P

Roommate was incredibly hyper and was singing this at the top of her lungs as she ran through the dorm. She would stop at every door singing one part of the song and would sometimes put our names into the lyrics. I was laughing the entire time, because she was acting so goofy and getting the lyrics wrong, but she was having so much fun with it :P

I think it just goes to show that I bring the goofball out of most people :P

SONG #21 = YOUR FAVORITE SONG.

Basically, my favorite song is being kept under wraps until the final day, so I've decided to pick my longest favorite song ever. It still is valid, because it is a favorite & happens to be the favorite that has lasted the test of time.

I still sing this at maximum volume and I even do the background voices, such as the FEH-male's and the opening of the song :D You'd think I'd rebel against a song that talks about cheating, but I love this song so much and I always have.

I remember getting ready for school and my brother was sitting in the living room watching MTV for the Wake Up Countdown. Yeah, a time when MTV actually played music consistently, but it was slowly dying even then. Anyway, as we were getting all our stuff together, this song came on and I got to witness the premiere of the music video that morning. I was TRULY excited and I made my mom & brother wait as I observed the awesomeness - it didn't help that I had a big crush on Kevin & Howie, which looking back explains EVERYTHING.

Despite this being my favorite song from them, I still loved NSYNC just the same <3

SONG #20 = THE LAST SONG ALPHABETICALLY IN YOUR ITUNES.

I really like this song and despite being introduced to me through Ricky, it's still highly enjoyable. I remember when I first heard this song, I didn't know if the band was +44 or if it was 155, and I still have that same confusion every now and then. Whenever I see the number 155, like I did today when I went to Play-n-Trade with Blain & Chris, I always think of this song. The address for Play-n-Trade was 155, in case there was confusion!

It was a lot of fun hanging out with them today, even if I was super stressed about being in Nofo at 1:30 when my class started at 2 =]

SONG #19 = THE FIRST SONG ALPHABETICALLY IN YOUR ITUNES.

The song says everything =]

Even though this song apparently came out in 2000, I still miss the music from my childhood where the music on the radio was widely appreciated by everyone, because it was actually good. I have spent so many drives just screaming this song & I really wish "All Star" was the first song on my iTunes, just because then I could say I have screamed the song with friends in the car. That whole decade of music is so much fun to sing <3

SONG #18 = A SONG THAT YOU LOVE BUT RARELY LISTEN TO.



Well, of course I had to pick this song at some point <3

This was my favorite song, but that was mostly because it has a fairly normal title. I mean, if you knew what my ACTUAL favorite song was, then I'd get weird looks and people wondering why I enjoy that song so much or how I even found it.

But this one was still pretty high up there. When I first found this in high school, it was paired up with a few guys that I liked, one in particular, but c'est la vie. It's contagious and yes, I had to use a pun to describe why I like the song so much.

I guess I have to be in that sort of mood or mindset to want to listen to it. Lately none of my songs have legitimate story lines, but I use fluff sentences to try to cover that up. I wonder if anyone's noticed this.. maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

SONG #17 = A SONG THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO DANCE.

I had every intention to post a normal video to "Macarena" until I realized there wouldn't be. The legit music video was lackluster, considering the girls didn't do the actual dance, BUT it was splendidly 90s looking. Then I searched for more Macarena videos and I found this <3

I LOVED The Animaniacs when I was growing up and I aspired to be just like Dot. Obviously we know how that turned out <3 My brother and I used to watch this all the time and despite the 6 year age difference, it was one of the few times we actually got along/tolerated each other. We would sing some of the other Animaniacs songs, like "Are We There Yet?" He'd be Yakko & Wakko and I'd get to be Dot. If you haven't seen that, I highly suggest you do. Maybe I'll just post it after this one is done :P

I've never heard/seen this rendition, but it reminds me of the actual song & what I always thought the music video would look like.. minus the cartoons, but in this case, it's a bonus! When I was little, I was OBSESSED with this song. Every single time it would be on the radio, I'd just start dancing. Sometimes I would even sing it for my parents and do the dance until they told me to stop; I think if I had the choice, I never would have, but I was nice enough to give them the option =]